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Sunday, December 31, 2006

Last post for 06

Standard issue SoCal gear. The Slip on CPC (Canvas Personnel Carriers). Do not roll out of bed at 2 in the afternoon without them. Every South Bay slacker has a pair and now I am officially a Californian, Dude!
I forgot to post last week because i was busy with Jesus day events. But, I cannot let 06 pass me by without one last post. SO there it is one last post. Have an angry new year!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Once in a great while i get to stick it to whitey. Well, I managed to not only stick it to him good but, I got a Wii too, baby! Ooooh yeah! The Japanese may have lost the war but they are winning the hearts and minds of the American slacker with this little booger. It's not the muscle car of the console world but, it's a nuclear powered go cart with an awesome eight track player and a cup holder that fits your favorite bong. The story goes...
I was at Target, consuming like the rest of the sheep, when low and behold I see in a display case a box containing what i thought to be a the time a display box for the Wii. Curiosity got the best of me and I just had to ask if that was the real thing or just another target mind fuck. The lovely Nubian queen at the camera counter had me waiting for some time while she caught up on some ghetto scandal that she missed, supposedly while she was working. But, my patience paid off andshe confirmed my hopes and quickly went to fetch my new Wii, when suddenly an evil blue eyed devil tried to rip the last of the highly coveted boxes from her hands, proclaiming that the console was his because he had been waiting for it. She pulled the box from his evil clutches and made a "B-line" right for me, telling him that I was in fact the rightful owner of the last Wii. White folk get angry funny and Mr. Manhattan Beach condo would be no exception. He and his oppressive, thin lipped wife, whined and cried fouled immediately and when a young corn rolled brotha showed up they laughed and mocked his position as a leader within the Target world. How dare they, I thought. So, I lingered about for 2o minutes pretending I wasn't sure if I wanted it or not. The entire they time all they did was complain and whine and circle around me like vultures. But, I eventually grew tired of my own game and slapped down the plastic. Mr. Charley would have to return to his polo pony world empty handed. The market had decided. Whitey had been defeated, at least for today.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Road Warrior is completely forgiven for his hatred of the Jews! I forgive him, the public forgives him, the press forgives him and Jay Leno forgives him. It's all good, Mel!
Apocalypto was a fantastic movie. It really was. I didn't expect to see a documentary and didn't get one. It was an action movie or chase flick to be specific. It was great to see the Mayan city recreated (It might have even been Chichen-Itza, we don't know, Mel never says). The costumes, were great. The actors weren't Hollywood stock, they were Mestizo types from the Yucatan; at least thats what Mel told Jay Leno. I really appreciated the film for it's portrayal of the harsh life that the Amerinds faced. No doubt that sacrifices took place, probably and were not 100% sure but probably, on a mass scale. To see the toiling that took place to build the great temples was unique as well. The colliseums of Rome probably extinguished many lives to build, but we seldom see that in any films. I thought it was a really good movie and one who's time had come. Mel has given us a film about Indigenous people and managed not to turn them into buffoons or fairy like forest dwellers. Now if only someone could figure out how to make a movie about how these were the same Indians who invented the concept of Zero, aggregated deserts, and built huge cities on top of swamps. Yeah, that might be a cool movie too. Don't take it from me or Mel; if you want to know more read, "1491" by Charles Mann. But we have all forgiven Mel and in fact, must all be in a forgiving mood this week. Some have forgiven a blood thirsty lunatic: http://news.yahoo.com/fc/world/chil
Others have forgiven a bunch of blood thirsty lunatics:http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/11/world/middleeast/11cnd-iran.html?hp&ex=1165899600&en=89a54e1e0974643d&ei=5094&partner=homepage
But, so help me god no one should ever forgive a giggling whore:

Monday, December 04, 2006

Boy it is cold out here! HAHHAHAHAA! You wuz all hatin on me this week cuz I'm warm.
But you want cold blooded? I'll give you cold blooded:
Cold and creepy:
Who's ready for jail??? And by the way, how is that we continue to build more and more jails, pass minimum mandatory laws and yet the number of crimes committed in the last 30 years keeps going down, yet more people are in trouble with the law?
Stay warm, Chicago!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Hey guess what? The Rumsfeld doctrine is a fucking failure!
No one would ever have guessed it. Imagine that jackass being given and righteously taking credit for his blitzkrieg style assault on Baghdad. He sends us in with only a portion of the troops he was advised to use saying we could get the job done. Cheney backs the bullshit up with his "we'll be greeted as liberators"
line and low and behold a few weeks later Saddam is having ticks yanked outta his beard. What Rummy and the knuckleheads putting this new FSO together have chosen to ignore is that, Saddam's army had been decimated by ten years of war with neighboring Iran, a good thorough red, white and blue ass kicking in the 90s and nearly ten years of sanctions and no fly zones covering most of his country. We had him down to old men in khakis and soviet-era bolt action rifles. If this is not acknowledged by our future military leaders in the field, we can only expect future failure. Of course, all of this should be expected by the same people who brought you:
While all this war business means big business, there are people here at home suffering unjustly because of the patriotic guilt trip laid on them decades ago. We have money for war and all the instruments necessary to fight them, but we never seem to have money to clean up the mess it comes with (Don't even get me started on depleted uranium).

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

WHEW! Thank GOd that the Democrats have won! Now i can go back to voting Republican. If you believe for one moment this is going to change a bunch of things you are a member of an elite group of individuals who still believe in the American dream. And like Carlin says, "the reason they call it the American dream is cuz you have to be asleep to believe it." Fact is that a lot of the Dems that have one this election are being very clear about who they are. They may be against the war, but seriously at this point you would have to be mildly retarded not to think that at the very least Rummy needs to be fed to wild boars. Don't be fooled, this is a new breed of Dem. They come right out of the Democratic Leadership Congress and their time is here. They are Nazi light. They are responsible for Bill Clinton, NAFTA, and while I'm at it I might as well blame them for cancer. Truth be told they aren't much better than the Republicans we have had at the helm. Don't believe me? Watch Nancy Pelosi for the next couple of years. Her hair is going to go solid gray, her ass will swell up and get sore from the poundings (not an easy thing for a woman in San Fran) and she will most certainly end up in rehab. Why? Because she is about to become a croc hunter in a pool of stingrays (R.I.P. Steve). Still don't believe me? McCain said it best tonight, the U.S. "is still a conservative nation." Think he's wrong? Look at the all the states where gay marriage was on the ballot; Polici Verso, thumbs down boys and girls. Even in a moderately liberal, decade’s long, blue state, Wisconsin it got shot down. My advice to all of you is to move to the great state of California. AHHHNOOOLD, AHHHNOOOLD, AHHHNOOLD! Six more years of Darryl Hammond donning that gap toothed prosthetic on SNL, AWESOME! I am a bit upset though cuz we let 2 really good referendumbs slip through. Had they been pushed though the fucking oil companies and the tobacco whores would have been stuck like a couple of strippers at USC frat party and the California taxpayer would have been the lucky brother with a double header in his mouth. Oh well, can't always get what you want (unless you know my buddy Dave, wink wink). Quite frankly, the whole fucking thing is, as Chomsky sez, "Kabuki theatre." We have 2 pardies that run the whole show. I would feel better if we had a government similar to what the Italians have, where dozens of political parties fight tooth and nail for every inch they get. Its, confusion and chaos at it's finest but it keeps them engaged and makes it harder to blame the government for how fucked up things are. And remember one last thing; THEY still control the judicial branch. The whole fucking thing from your local black robed cocksucker to the ones that sit on the Supreme Court and that is where power lies in this country; Law, not rhetoric is what our country is founded on. Laws are what make us better than those diaper sporting, heathen bomb throwers "over there." Finally, if you think GWB is going to atone for being a bone head for the last six years by putting on a pair of Birks and pushing to "legalize it", you are in for a long 2 years. He was razed by the right and shall follow the will of pedophiles, wife beaters and people with bad teeth until J.C. comes back or the end of his term, whichever comes first. He was razed by the right and shall follow the will of pedophiles, wife beaters and people with bad teeth until J.C. comes back or the end of his term, whichever comes first. What I think might be of great novelty is to see BORAT run our country for awhile. Wait! Before you call the F.B.I. on me, think about how that might change our political landscape and ask yourself if having a ruler that wants "sexytime" with his sister, the number four prostitute of Kazakhstan,

Monday, October 30, 2006

The above image is for entertainment purposes and not intended to promote any copywritten characters fictional or otherwise and is not the physical or intellectual property of this author or his associates except for the actual picture of this author, which is intentionally altered to avoid the viewer from turning to stone. Futhermore, I have lost a few pounds but this picture makes me look fat.
WOW! it's hard avoiding being sued. I can see how lawyers make their living. When not kicking puppies, all that legal mumbo jumbo must really take up most of the day.
I fucked up my GRE's, man! a measley 950 on the basic exam and I'm scheduled to fuck up the English proficiency exam this Sat. (wish me luck) No worrys. I have prayed to Odin for guidance and I'm certain it will work better than last time (to hell with you Crom!)
I'll be back next week with my exciting election special blog post complete with insults and profanity. As Brittany would say, "Holla back Y'all!!!!"

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Yeah!!! Allright!!! The Great AMERICAN Past Time! But this time it's going to be more than just a "comma." This time we are going to go kick some ass that has been begging to be kicked for a long, long time! I know we are at war already. I know we haven't really tied up any of the loose ends from the war before last and that those loose ends are now freying. Hey, fuck it man! There is no way we are going to pass up the opportunity to beat the piss out of IRAN! That great Satan Bullshit had it's day and now it's time to pay up; the bill is past due and those funny black robes and long grey beards will not be tolerated. Chicks in Tehran will wear blue jeans again and American firepower will make sure it happens.
Really, it's going to happen and we got the nukes enroute...
Man, it's gonna be awesome! We are going to make this whole 600k dead iraquis:
look insignificant. Never mind that N. Korea's lunatic in charge now has the bomb. GWB could have dealt with him years ago, but instead he waited for crisis mode to kick in and of course his way of dealing with any crisis is to blame everything on Clinton. Well, it's either blame it all on Clinton or ask his buddys in the media to make sure it doesn't get reported:

From a sidewalk on Sunset Boulevard. Do you like? They hate my main man, GWB everywhere in the world. But, there is still that 40 or so percent of knuckleheads that worships the guy, most of them will be found in trailers and Walmarts in the Bible belt.
Speaking of hating people I have decided to tackle the big question that GWB and Co. have answered rather simplistically. Do they hate us because we are freedom lovers and they are freedom haters? Or is the root of their hatred more significant. Lets turn our attention to the godfather of fundamentalist hatred of the West,
Sayyid Qutb. This fella came all the way from Egypt to hate our guts. He comes here and lives in a Christian Conservative thought camp in Colorado, and from his experience decides that green lawns and exposed female wrists are the work of the "Great Satan."
Voila, the Muslim Brotherhood is born. He's a creepy guy, but he is the inspiration to an entire generation of followers of the one true prophet, who have been marginalized and seen their country's resources used to make rich white dudes richer.
Which leads me to Mo Mossadegh. http://www.mohammadmossadegh.com/ This man was the first democratically elected leader of Iran. He is worshipped, revered and loved throughout the Middle East, by all sects I should point out, because he stood up to the juggernauts of English and American power. He was deposed in coup led by the nephew of FDR (Kermit Roosevelt) and the grandfather of our very own Gen. Schwarzkopf. I know, I know, it sounds like a conspiracy thing but its documented and verifiable, and you can read the actual government declassified documents for yourself if you like: http://www.amazon.com/All-Shahs-Men-American-Middle/dp/0471265179
There are of course numerous instances of the US mingling in the affairs of sovereign states and conducting ourselves like a sleep deprived pirate on coke. But, we can't possibly be the only reason they hate us. They share in some of the blame, right? The Western neo-liberal economies give rise to social behavior which is unacceptable to our fundamentalists; why not theirs??
We are as Gore Vidal once said, the "United States of Amnesia" but, I would argue that this is not always the case. We remember storming the beaches at Normandy. We remember the towers falling. We remember things that make us angry or boost our sense of national pride. We do not, however, pay much attention to the historical events that others refuse to forget. For example, this website, http://www.cooperativeresearch.org/project.jsp?project=911_project
is ripe with information about the 9/11 tragedy. But, if you notice there isn’t much info before the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Writer Steve Coll does a great job in his "Ghost Wars" of connecting the dots between that invasion and the fall of the towers. In a nutshell, the argument is that Islam regards losing as not having God on your side. In the case of the Soviets, they lost because the Mujahideen held out. This collapse of a Western (yes, they are considered a Western power to anyone who is from the Middle East and doesn’t have access to a political map of the cold war) power was a victory. The Mujahideen, soon to become the Taliban lost thousands upon thousands of lives and yet they were celebrating when the last T-62 rolled out of Kabul. Their struggle IS a long one, which spans generations and WILL continue for as long as it needs to. These fundamentalists are no strangers to victories or defeat http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_war_in_Afghanistan (it’s from Wiki but, it's fairly accurate in my humble analysis) and they are not any more likely to lay down their AKs as gun show, bible thumpers are. So, how can the West defeat an enemy like this? More importantly why must we? Is it the "white man's burden" that brings us time and again to meddle in the affairs of nations and indigenous people? Or are we just protecting our vital interests and yes that includes oil. Oil is important, whether you drive a hummer or ride a bicycle, or walk. The machines used to make that pair of Bruno Maglias you own or your Schwinn need oil to run. Now, the best possible argument to make against this is that we need to invest in alternative energy and though it is a great idea and one that I whole-heartedly support and incidentally whose time has arrived http://www.apolloalliance.org/ The unfortunate reality is that until we get to a point where the green friendly energy that we produce, can produce more green friendly energy, we will not be able to shake the sheiks.
One final point about history and the Middle East. We like to compare Iraq to Vietnam. There are crucial differences in the 2 that I think might be the subject of another blog so I'll save my comments. The fact is that, both campaigns have similar traits especially in terms of how inept leadership and political shenanigans are weakening the resolve of the American people, but I came across this article http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/10/01/opinion/edharris.php
I'm not an expert at the history of the Romans, but it isn't the first time I have heard us compared to them.
Is it that we ignore historical warnings because we are too involved in our daily distractions? Or do we just choose to ignore those warnings because it's much easier to believe whatever we want to? You decide which is easier to digest, this four part series of articles:

or these guys:


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I know I'm a bit of a paranoid freak to some of you and a crackpot to boot. But, my rants are nothing compared to this psycho. If I ever get to this point please have me shaved, sedated and locked away for a long time.

Do you like the picture? I saw this on a West LA bridge and had to turn around and stop traffic to take a pick on my cell phone. Most people honked. Some gave me the finger and one guy through a bottle at my car but, it was ultimately worth the humiliation. So, the big question: is the War a lie?? Well, war is a very profitable enterprise. I know a lot of people reason the invasion of Iraq by saying we need to fight "them" over there. Though fighting them over there was never the reason for going there in the first place. There was that whole WMD thing that has been brushed over by GWB and crew. Of course, mention this and the flag and apple pie crowd call you a traitor. A lot of resources are being expended on this war effort so, I started thinking that perhaps if we look at this from an economic point of view we might find out how useless this war has really been. But, I'm no economist and numbers bore the shit outta me so, here goes nothing:
Why is it that this story has been ignored by every major media outlet in America?
These people are wasting our tax dollars, providing little if no services and worst of all they are only there because of their support for GWB. I know how the system works but, there was a time when we prosecuted war profiteers. I suppose you need a president that gives a shit about how the American people are being ripped off in order to stop this type of thing.
Keep in mind though it is not against the law to make all kinds of money even when you are doing a lousy job. http://www.alternet.org/bloggers/degraw/41878
Every CEO has his day regardless of how well he or she runs the company. What matters is securing the contracts and making the investors happy. And quit being such a commie. If making a lousy 100 mil is the compensation that this fella gets well than that’s really only a drop in the bucket http://www.alternet.org/bloggers/evan/41893
If you watch the video Harry Reid did say 320 BILLION and no there haven't been any congressional oversight committees. So What? This war will be nothing more than a "comma" some day according to GWB.
So, what are we fighting for? If you recall from previous posts, I have mentioned the Military Industrial Complex (now referred to as the IRON TRIANGLE) that we were warned against. http://www.sonyclassics.com/whywefight/main.html This is a huge apparatus that influences and effects the everyday lives of common people. So why don't we care about it enough? Why would pictures of Suri Cruise be more important to us than where our money is being spent on this war? http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/11729724/the_low_post_another_tale_of_waste_and_fraud_unpunished/1
How does this madness happen? The same way that it happened throughout the cold war. We spent a lot on propagandizing the Soviet military machine, which scared the shit out of us. So much so, that this Iron Triangle grew out of control, until the Soviets decided they had had enough and were going to take their nukes and go home. That made us the undisputed heavy weight champs of the world but now we have a problem. We are left with an insatiable beast that, with the complicity of our congress (REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRAT!) and ourselves managed to grow beyond our ability to restrain it. This continues to happen and if we don't pay attention it will not stop any time soon. Maybe this type of website will help but it probably won’t http://iraqforsale.org/senate.php
So, to those who think that the war is a necessity because it's going to make us safer, you should have reason to think again
and again http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/09/26/musharraf.terror/index.html
(Incidentally, I saw this guy on Jon Stewart last night and regardless of what I think of his country, I'd trade him in for GWB any day of the week. He's smarter, wittier and has an opinion based on his knowledge not his apocalyptic paranoia.
and though it won't be until after the elections
“There is an NIE on Iraq. Specifically on Iraq that has been left in draft form at the National Intelligence Council. That is because some of our leaders don't want us to see it until after the election.”
- Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA)
And if you are still wondering if this war is going to make us safer here at home, consider whether or not WE are making Iraquis safer in their homes? http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060927/ts_nm/iraq_mortars_dc

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

My dog is now a Mexican. Really though, never get a Jack Russell unless you have lots of space, lots of patience and lots of experience handling dogs. They are not for the timid and require a very strong hand. Great dogs, very loyal but a nightmare with kids, small things that move fast and furniture.
Now, on to the news:
I'm one of those silly people that can't find much sympathy for terrorists. I understand that we need to stop them; they want to hurt us, etc... In fact, I think if we really must torture them I would be ok with it under 3 circumstances: A) It must be proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the person is a terrorist, who has committed a terrorist act not just some low level Jihadi wannnabe gangstar. B) That he without question has information that is vital to the national security of this or any other nation. And C) that the torture be televised and that all Americans be given a day off from work, so we can stay home with our loved ones and watch it. I know this all seems a bit unreasonable but so does torture. Y'know it just doesn't work. Its so passé'.
It didn't help the French in Algeria, the Germans in Europe, The Vietnamese at the Hanoi Hilton, ok maybe the Israelis in Palestine on a couple of occasions, but ultimately it's just not the American way. Have you noticed that people who have been tortured are strongly opposed to us torturing terrorists, while guys like Cheney, who refused to serve, are really gung-ho about it. This is what happens when you send the wrong guy off to be tortured:
It makes us look like assholes. Well, my fellow baseball and apple pie lovers, I as an American refuse to be looked upon as an asshole by the international community. Why, even with all this torture business going on (again, for Chrissakes!) we have to be reminded by Democratic minority leader, Harry give em' hell Reid that the President has yet to provide us with a single convicted terrorist as a result of his policies:

“Five years after September 11, not a single terrorist has been brought to justice under the President’s flawed policy. There is a bipartisan process underway in the United States Senate to fix the failed Bush Administration system that was struck down by the Supreme Court. Instead of picking fights with Colin Powell, John McCain, and other military experts, President Bush should change course, do what the American people expect, and finally give them the real security they deserve.”

Look guys, we can't even seem to arrest the right guys. This poor shlub has been arrested before and he has apparently only been doing his job.

and I fear it might not be an isolated incident. Seventy to 90% of the knuckleheads we locked up in Iraq were "MISTAKES"??? That’s not a mistake that’s a huge fuck up!
We can't seriously believe that the lock em up and beat the shit out of them approach is actually working when we see the violence... Oh I forgot that stuff is all censored, but if it weren't you would see the violence and know it's not working.
Remember, this is done in the name of preventing terrorism and to keep us safe, but I believe it is a viable question to ask if we are only creating more terrorism ourselves by behaving like terrorists. Before you get bent out of shape by me saying that, I suggest you look up, as I have, the definition of the word. It's become quite ambiguous and as you can see here, can just as easily be applied to some of what we do around the world for our own benefit and in fact, one can safely say the definition itself is twisted to fit the state, group or individual using it for their own benefit. Very confusing indeed, will someone please get Noam Chomsky to define it for us...

"Well that brings us back to the question, what is terrorism? I have been assuming we understand it. Well, what is it? Well, there happen to be some easy answers to this. There is an official definition. You can find it in the US code or in US army manuals. A brief statement of it taken from a US army manual, is fair enough, is that terror is the calculated use of violence or the threat of violence to attain political or religious ideological goals through intimidation, coercion, or instilling fear. That’s terrorism. That’s a fair enough definition. I think it is reasonable to accept that. The problem is that it can’t be accepted because if you accept that, all the wrong consequences follow. For example, all the consequences I have just been reviewing. Now there is a major effort right now at the UN to try to develop a comprehensive treaty on terrorism. When Kofi Annan got the Nobel prize the other day, you will notice he was reported as saying that we should stop wasting time on this and really get down to it.

But there’s a problem. If you use the official definition of terrorism in the comprehensive treaty you are going to get completely the wrong results. So that can’t be done. In fact, it is even worse than that. If you take a look at the definition of Low Intensity Warfare which is official US policy you find that it is a very close paraphrase of what I just read. In fact, Low Intensity Conflict is just another name for terrorism. That’s why all countries, as far as I know, call whatever horrendous acts they are carrying out, counter terrorism. We happen to call it Counter Insurgency or Low Intensity Conflict. So that’s a serious problem. You can’t use the actual definitions. You’ve got to carefully find a definition that doesn’t have all the wrong consequences. "
(for the entire transcript, which is actually quite brilliant see: http://www.zmag.org/GlobalWatch/chomskymit.htm )

Thank you Prof. Chomsky if that doesn't clear it up 4 us I don't know what will...
Bottom line: its plain ol' un-American to torture people or keep them locked up with out trial. Let's stop allowing these politicians to wrap themselves up in ol' glory. What they are really doing is teaching the youth of tomorrow to goose step all over the constitution. It must end NOW if only to avoid more of this ( This is the creepiest movie trailer I have ever seen; I must see this film.):

These are two more important links. This first one is from Amnesty International and it is the statement from some poor sap that got sold to the Americans by the Pakistanis and was shipped off to Guantanamo. Personally, I think alot of his story is true and I was reminded of the Abu Gharib prison scandal as i read it.
And then of course there is this from ABC news which confirms that we are engaging in torturing people. Note that this report states that torturing detainees is not the most effective from of coercing information from them.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I expect the level of stupid ass comments from our fearless leaders to quell somewhat during the political season. It seems, however, that there is no shortage of stupid ass comments or stupid asses. Michael Wynn, the Secretary of the Air Force wants to use "non-lethal" weapons on rowdy American protestors. For those who aren't sure what a "non-lethal" weapon might be imagine a cannon that might be mounted on top of a vehicle, but instead of shooting bullets or cannon balls or even water, this cannon would shoot out things like microwaves or emit some high pitched noises that would make you sick or make your head feel like it was going to explode. His reasoning is that it would be better to use it on our own people than to have a bunch of Arab terrorist types saying we are torturing their people. So, field test it in the good Ol' USA and then use it on the rowdy crowds in the Middle East.
Well, how bout this for an idea. We take a 55 gallon drum filled with un-popped popcorn and we cram it up Mr. Wynn's ass. Then we point the working end of that portable torture chamber at Mr. Wynn and set it for about 3 minutes. We do this in the middle of downtown Baghdad, that way we will have exported something totally American which the Iraqis might actually like and be grateful for.
Speaking of dumb asses please see this video. It proves once and for all that Dennis Hastert is the biggest douche bag on capital hill besides Ted Stevens of Alaska, but not as big a douche bag as Zell Miller. Notice that half of these morons don't know to face the flag when singing and the other half don't even know the words. Pathetic!
By the way, the picture is me in my prime and no less angry. Even back in the Army I was rebellious and thus volunteered to play the role of opposition force in every exercise. Those are my bros Webb and Coe and a big HuuAhh to them.
Stay Angry!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Pakistan seems like a really fucked up place. I know what you're thinking. It can't be worse than Berwyn. Well, let me tell you my friends it just might be. Are these guys fighting terrorism or not? Whose side are they on? Frankly, I don't think they are on any side. It looks like what we have here is a classic case of opportunism meets good old fashioned militarism. Remember those corrupt governments that the US sets up and backs, regardless of how brutal they are? Well, from time to time they come into their own and when they do they tend to bite us in the ass. Case in point, Iran. But, don't take my word for it, read Chalmers Johnson's "Blowback" if you need a second opinion. In the meantime, it appears that the Pakistani government will be providing safe haven for terrorists. A rugged area of the country where angels fear to tread. A kind of campground for lunatics called Waziristan:

But, don't fret cuz apparently Osama won't be welcome here. If he decides to show up to the party we shut off the music, untap the keg and ignore him:

Yo, fuck that, party on!!! Osama is apparently too much of a party animal to ignore:

So, we aren't going to be sure about our ally Pakistan and their role in the war on terror any time soon. I doubt we will ever see these backwards ass, rubber-tire sandaled, cave morlocks join the rest of the civilized world:

Then again, maybe civilization is hard to attain when there is so much $$$$$ to be made:

P.S. They still have The Bomb!!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Listen you fuckers, you screw heads! Naw you aren't a screw head. I just love that line in "Taxi Driver". I have been here for about going on two months now. I gotta tell you its great here man. LA is the shit! The weather alone is a fantastic reason to live out here. I mean every day it’s in the mid 70s with clear skies and sun, sun, sun! My blood pressure has dropped since moving out here and i think I have actually lost about ten pounds without trying. This is a great place to be. With that in mind i would like to address this open letter to our famed and glorious, golden state leader, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Dear Governor Sir,

I am happy to report to you that my first couple of months as a Californian are going quite well. It is this state's love for fun, sun and it's live and let live attitude that have made the transition a rather smooth one. I must, however, make it my responsibility to warn you of a grave threat that imperils the very foundation of the great republic, the repercussions of which could suck the fun right out of the entire state. I speak to you of the tide of immigrants that flood our great state. We must do all that we can to stem this invasion of people from East of the Rockys. I know how you feel about placing troops on our state's borders, but I assure you it is necessary. We have all seen these people from the mid-west and parts beyond. They don't smile, make eye contact or greet you with a nod and a pleasant California style, "how you doin, man." Nay, sir these villainous blue-eyed devils carry a tension in their shoulders that I have not seen since I crossed the Missouri border on my way to the land of freedom and vine ripe avocados. Why just the other day I bared witness to a driver with Ohio plates flipping the bird to one of our friendly California motorists. Just recently I read, in that demeaning rag, the LA Times an article saying that the city was trying to appeal to these uptight NYC pinstripe types. That we are trying to entice these corporate types to come here and set up shop. Well, governor I believe as you do that the business of America is business, but not if it comes at the price of sacrificing our way rugged individualist ways. If New York doesn't want to see our Darwinian experiment in the form of cardboard shanty towns lining the streets of LA, then they should stay home and deal with their own cardboard shanty towns. Besides ours have a higher resale value. To put it plainly sir, these people are philistines that do not deserve our warm sun, toasty beaches and two-toned blondes. We are freedom lovers and they are freedom haters. That is why I call upon you to make it illegal to give safe harbor to these vile and despicable honkeys. You can make a difference in the lives of future Californians just as the greatest Californian who ever lived; John C. Fremont did when he declared war against the Mexican government and declared California an independent republic in 1846.
Respectfully submitted,
V. Zamora
Torrance, CA


Saturday, September 02, 2006

Free Ninja lessons are no Wok in the park. I will post this at the request of my Aikido brethren... A shout out to them all.

I was in the park a couple of weeks ago, when I spotted a pair of black clad, Asiatic, ninja warriors. I was immediately drawn to the sight of a bag full of bokken and jo that they were carrying. For those not familiar, the bokken is a wooden sword and the jo a staff, used in Aikido. Now, all of my attempts to pin down a decent dojo have met with negative results. Either no one returns my calls or emails, or their websites are terrible and have limited or no information to aid me in my search. I figured, I didn't want my suburi to get rusty, while i search so, naturally I extracted an invite for myself to one of their little workout sessions in the park the following day. I figured it would just be us 3 since no one mentioned an actual class. Of course, when i arrived the following day, with sticks in hand, I found a group of multi-ethnic ninjas all POSING (first ignored hint to run like hell outta there) with various weapons from nunchaku to spear to katana and sai for pictures. I asked the instructor, MASTER P (rest of name omitted to protect the stupid; hint number 2) if I could join; "no problem".
The class started with straight kicks into the air. No stretching, no breathing, no sense (hint number 3). We moved on to punch and block with a step off line, where we had to hop from one side of our bird shit, stained piece of concrete to the other side. Great exercise with one flaw; In Aikido we don't punch people. So, if you can imagine me trying to look cool doing Tae Bo, you get the picture. Apparently I wasn't the only one having problems with this exercise. The fifteen, or so, 5 year olds in our class, who still weren't clear about which way was left, and the ten or so, twelve year olds who also weren't clear about which way was right ( I can't wait till Chino starts school with these little freaks), were making our master very impatient. So, in his ancient, Korean, ninja wisdom he decides to pull out a bag full of chopped up pieces of bokken, jo and other assorted pieces of wood and he divides us students into two camps. Adults on one side, including me and the ninjas to be, and about forty children on the other side. He tells us to use the punch and block movement we have just learned to move out of the way before the wood hits us (hint number four, but by this time what could I do?). Sure enough, this knuckleheaded ninja starts WHIPPING these chunks of wood at our balls, one at a time. The children were not spared pain or humiliation either. I should point out that the entire time this was happening, my temporary master was yelling and making everyone do pushups for even the slightest infractions of his rules; rules no one but him was familiar with. I'm happy to report that I, having abandoned his pseudo-ninjitsu style and reverting to my familiar, Aikido, soft glide, off center style, was able to keep my testicles from being bruised.
We did this for about twenty minutes when the master decided it was time for a more personal lesson for his followers of the ancient way. While the children continued being target practice for one of his apprentices, we were brought out onto the sidewalk in front of the court yard where we were at. He turned his back to us and started whipping the chunks of wood over his head at us. He told us that we could all die in a drive by shooting and the wood represented how random the bullets would be. One of the proxy bullets happened to go whizzing past a black lady's head missing her by only a fraction of an inch (good ninja reflexes on her part). When he realized that he had nearly taken out a civilian’s eye he said, "This might not be such a good idea" to which the black lady replied, "no, it really isn't." This was a humiliation that no ninja master could bear in front of his own students. So, he called her a "real rocket scientist with a big mouth" (after she had left of course), told us our own stupidity would kill us, then sent us on a run one time around the park. I hate running. I really hate it! So, I just looked at him... He said, "Go ahead. I don't care how long it takes... You'll thank me in six months." I replied with a big thumb up and by the time I had gone about 50 yards, my claves started knotting up on me. So, I walked the rest of the way. Low and behold, after my nice stroll through the park, I returned to find the class had moved on to standing in the crow position. Not familiar with it? You take your arms and fold them against your body and you lift and try to balance yourself, off the ground using only your two hands. If done correctly it gives one the appearance of a resting bird; I looked like a big, fat guy having an epileptic seizure, banging his head against the bird shit stained, concrete. We spent the rest of class going from push ups to standing position and every time someone would moan, we were made to do more pushups. Funny part is he kept commanding us to moan. He said it was his way of getting all the attitude out of us. Mixed message? You bet.
We ended with going from standing at ease to standing at attention and saluting and closed this exercise in martial stupidity with the reciting of his ten ninja rules (no really, he said they were his ten ninja rules). While I can't remember them all, they involved making sure to do your homework, always be faithful to your parents, never lie or swear and always working hard to be the best. I was surprised that there was no mention of God or country but, I suppose he wanted to prove Oscar Wilde wrong; patriotism is not only a virtue of the vicious. After class, I approached him to thank him. After all, I wasn’t' going to see him again, so it wouldn’t' hurt to thank him for his time and expert knowledge (?). He asked how I enjoyed the class and if I would be returning. I just told him it really wasn’t' what I was looking for and had noticed his students with the sticks and that I thought it would just be us doing some extra curricular in the park. He told me, from behind his ninja sunglasses (yes, he actually called them that during class), that I would have to build up my ninja skills and might eventually get to that point with alot of good ninja training and some weight loss. I've had douche bag, jock types tell me how the only way I can achieve anything in life is by losing weight all my life so, this came as no insult or surprise. I did however mention that I had studied both weapons for a few years now in Aikido, to which he replied, "Oh, Aikido... yeah." The final straw came when I mentioned that I had a 9 year old and he said, and repeated, "I love to get them young." Weird and disgusted don't describe my feelings at that moment.
If there is a lesson to be learned in all of this it is that anyone can call him or herself an instructor of the martial arts but, it is up to the student to know whether the instructor is a charlatan like this creepy bastard. Unfortunately, if you don't know any better you are bound to wind up in a class like this with a poser tossing shuriken at your head and calling it good training. People like this guy, could turn potentially good students into couch potatoes after only one class. I say that if you want to teach you should have to either be a qualified instructor with certification in your art, CPR training and some teaching credentials or the equivalent of an associate’s degree. Either that or we put you in a ring of fire with poison darts shooting down at you and you have to fight a tiger and a 400lbs gorilla at the same time. If you survive you can forego the above mentioned certification standards and go right to master of the way. That will surely separate the true ninja warriors from the posers.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My MP3 player is trying to fuck with my head or warn me of some real serious shit coming down the pipe.
For three nights in a row now:
"The killers breed on the demon seed. The glamour, the fortune, the pain. Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain. But, don't ya pray for my soul anymore. 2... minutes... 2... miiiiiiiiiid-night, The hands that threat-ten doooooooooom. 2... minutes... 2 miiiiiiiid-night. To kill... the unborn in the woooooooooooomb!"
It's not supposed to do that, but it keeps looping back to that song and it's really starting to creep me out. Y'know what also creeps me out? China and India. These are two backwards nations but, they really seem to be poised to stick it up our red, white and blue asses real soon:
especially now that they are back on the silk road. Don't worry though, I'm sure the US will do something akin to whispering "that chinese kid said your mama sucks Pakastani cock" into India's ear. the world is a playground and we are the biggest most fucked up bully on it.
This fella seems to be the only one crazy enough to "punch the bully in the face", as Pres. Bush once said (no not the current one, the one that started the two tone hair craze)
And a final thought. Is it just me or is Carson Daly completely disturbing to look at? He was weird and doughy a few years back on TRL but, now he's just plain ol' frightening. I've seen homeless, pedophiles on Santa Monica Pier that look more approachable than him. And can that show be any less funny? Who is writing that shit, a 19 year old with a brain injury? jesus, Carson, give me a call if you want funny. Only in LA can you get an audience that will laugh and applaud at everything this dummy says.

Monday, August 28, 2006

No really, It's the gayest place on earth...
Now you know I have nothing vs. gay people. I'm a friendly tried n' tru. BUT MAN, San Diego is GAY! Really GAY! Forget what you think you know about Frisco, San Diego is it's fiesty, little queen sister just waiting to find it's first glory hole. They have a beautiful zoo and I do recommend Sushi Itto on Washington St. but, watch out for the waiters cuz they are all on the rag. Honey, the last time i saw that many rainbow flags in one place, I was at a leprechan convention. I feel gay just writing about it. And will someone please control the two tone hair thing it's starting to spread to LA. The women there look homeless. They dress like coked out, homeless crack whores. jesus Christ, I lived throught he 80s and have no intention of living through two tone hair again. The chick from "Berlin" did it and it was sexy for all of 15 minutes but, it's over now! You slacker generation types can go get your own bad styles and leave ours dead and buried in my yearbook where they belong.
Anyhow, my jack russell, Mojito, will be gone soon. He was a good dog but, just can't seem to adjust to life out here. He will be a Mexican as of this wednesday; my inlaws have graciously accepted taking him back with him to the Yucatan. He has been loyal and smart but, he is miserable out here and can't handle life in a 2 bedroom apt.
That is why the Chihuahua is the superior force in the dog world and will never be in danger of Bcoming extinct; They don't need alot of excercise, are just smart enough to bark when they think danger is near and are as cute as the day is long. I will stick to them or the breed of choice for apt. dwellers, the Toy Fox Terrier; downside with them is they haven't much of a shelf life and unless you get yourself a real heatlhy specimen your looking at 10 years tops with them. 7 if you are lucky.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Tom Cruise kills puppys in this building. at least that is what I suspect happens in this den of wierdness. It is the world headquarters of the church of scientology and it is getting a make over so I couldnt' get a very good shot of it. It's blue, is about a city block long and has a huge cross adorning the top of it that some alien Jesus might have been duct taped to long ago. Seriously, is this religion any crazier than any other? Everyone leave those knuckleheads alone, please. They haven't caused any deaths that I'm aware of or keep creepy sex dungeons in the basement and as far as I know half of the entertainment world worships their religion's founder and his alien messiahs. And don't think for a second that what you read about Tom Cruise getting the boot from Paramount is true. Summner Redstone is a lowlife cocksucker of the same sleezy mold as Ruppert Murdoch, he wouldn't get rid of Cruise or any other cash cow in his stable for reasons of decency. He loves money and responds only to market forces decency and morality are the farthest thing from his mind. Speaking of sleezy cocksuckers:
I fucking hate William Kristol. I love the Jews; they are a great people and they should always consider us Cubans, their greatest allies but, they must seriously come together and force Billy boy from their ranks. He is a pathetic excuse of a man and here is further proof:

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


All i can say is Thank God we missed that one. Wait, technically we can still be in the apocalypse. According to the article the 22nd is the day the apocalypse begins. Actually its the beginning of the apocalypse according to right wing lunatics. The sad part is that alot of dopey people reading or listening to these nuts will buy into the whole thing, run out and buy duct tape. At this point in history you would think we would have evolved beyond the need to hunt down witches and scare ourselves silly with all that nonesense about the end of the world. Its pathetic especially when about 60% of the survivors of hurricane Katrina still haven't got their lives together.


So, we keep wasting effort and resource on maintaining a system that dazzles us with Paris Hilton videos and allows our children to die and murder in the name of better liposuction, lazik and prozac. We want to spread democracy, at least thats the excuse. But, it has recently occured to me that we have forgotten that, all this democracy and freedom jazz goes back to guys like John Locke and Jefferson, et. al. And the most important component of this concept, at least in terms of nations, is a little something called self-determination. That is the right of free nations to determine that they are going to do WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY PLEASE! I can't see how we the people are upholding the idea of democracy when we allow our government to determine the economic, political and social fate of the people of Iraq:


In case you are wondering if this is an isolated case, I can assure you it is not and there are numerous historical examples. The collection of tyrants, lunatics and murderous pitbulls on the US payroll will one day bring the republic to it's belly. Chalmers Johnson wrote a mighty fine book on the subject of "Blowback" (yes, thats the title). Make no mistake about it, we don't need to be told the apocalypse is on its way to be frightened. Those of us paying attention have been afraid for quite some time and the boogey man wears pinstripe, lives in a gated community and won't stop until he has raped this world of all of it's resources.

Friday, August 18, 2006


The subject of conspiracy theories has come up and I happened to run across this article in the LA Times. Such is the world we live in. Like Ice-T said, "Freedom of speech, just watch what you say." I don't know if this Webb fella was full of shit, I never read the original articles, but it seems to me that his downfall was formulaic. It's what they do to anyone who blows the whistle. It happened to Daniel Ellsberg, who leaked the Pentagon papers, which helped to end the war in Vietnam. It recently happned to Joe Wilson and his wife Valerie Plame, for Wilson's publicly declaring that Bush's claim on Iraq trying to buy yellow cake Uranium from Niger was bad and they knew it. Conspiracy theories are a good thing. It seems like it's the only way to get people to really notice when things that the government or corporations say or do aren't really supported by the evidence. Take for example the Kennedy Assasination, we would all be going around pissed off about the whole grassy knoll thing, if Stone hadn't made a movie about the conspiracy theory. It's not like we have real, honest to goodness, and varifiable lapses in judgement and reason that our government commits on an almost daily basis. In any case, it's hard for us to shake our love for conspiracy theories when even the mainstream press prints these types of headlines. It's from the same paper, on the same day:


Instead of focusing on the issues that directly effect our daily lives we wait for the spooky version to come out. Which will it be? The Jurassic Park Ride at Universal or a day at the natural museum?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I couldn't understand the connection between those huge Nascar displays and the large selection of spam, but now it all makes sense:
More than three out of four – 76% – of weekly WalMart shoppers voted for Bush over Democrat John Kerry in the 2004 presidential election, earlier Zogby polling showed.
The good news is even the backwards assed are feeling the crunch of Bush's America:
Peter King, House Chariman Director of Homeland Security wants to use racial profiling to ferret out the evil doers. Ok, is it just me or have all of these Republicans completely lost thier fucking minds? David Cross once said that not all Republicans are psychotic, racist, homophobes, just the ones they choose to represent them. Not only is George "Macaca" Allen getting in on the brown bashing, but now comes word that Paul Nelson (R), a Wisconsin Congressman, has come up with this ingenious little gem of a way to tell who is Muslim, "Well, you know, if he comes in wearing a turban and his name is Mohammed, that's a good start."
The good news is that it won't matter what color you are at the airport because depending on your expression you might be given the ol' shakedown anyway:
Which really complements that device I wrote about earlier. This is a crazy idea but, I'll throw it out there and you guys run with the ball. How bout', come this fall we get rid of all of these assholes and start with a fresh crop of assholes? I'm getting really tired of these people in power. How bout you? Have you had enough yet? It won't be enough to vote. We are going to have to go out find a really good local candidate, who you feel represents your ideas, then we are going to have to work, at least 2 hours a week knocking on doors, handing out flyers, making calls, etc. And then if that doesn't work, if our votes get disqualified for hanging chads, or we are disenfranchised as voters, if something un-American happens this fall, then I say we grab sticks and torches and bring the whole fucking parade to a halt. No more Lattes, no more H3s, no more pilates, no more lies. We march to the capital, call for general strikes and demand our country back from the real evil doers, who have fucked us over the last 20 years. Whos with me??? Oh sorry, I'll try back later when you aren't playing on-line poker.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"The thing that’s partly disturbing about it is the fact that, the standpoint of our adversaries, if you will, in this conflict, and the al Qaeda types, they clearly are betting on the proposition that ultimately they can break the will of the American people in terms of our ability to stay in the fight and complete the task."
Dick Cheney said this about Connecticut voters because they voted out that dem in a red suit, Lieberman. So, Orwell continues turning in his grave thanks to our fearless leaders. Anyone opposed to the war raise your hand... Ya fuckin pinko! It's cuz of you that the terrorists are going to win. I bet you want to see the terrorists win. I'm sure you loved it when those planes hit the towers! you hate America don't you... This is what it's come to in our country. That shit that Dick said is the type of non-sense that you would expect from Limbaugh or horsey face whore; but really the V.P. of these United States resorting to that line of shit is just plain old sad. It marks the end of any semblance of decency the executive branch may have had these last, painfull 6 years. Here lies liberty: raped, tired and forgotten; may she rot away without dignity or grace.

Yo, so this is the dark Bodhi tree of North Torrance. It reminds me of that cave that Luke Skywalker had to go into in Empire. It just gives off a dark side vibe. Maybe if I meditate under it for seven years I will become a dark Buddha. Imagine that, hundreds of years from now people will flock to the park where it is located and will sacrifice virgins and sheep and shit like that all to pay tribute to their dark lord... me! I think I'll give it a try.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Oh man, I can't wait until they can use these new fangled devices at airports to detect wheter or not you are a terrorist. It will be awesome! You will walk into a booth answer questions and depending on what language you speak and how you answer the questions you are asked, the machine will let everyone know that you are going to blow up a plane. All of this protection and ease of mind comes at the low tax paying price of 200k per unit. Imagine the other applications this device might be put to use for. You could screen girlfriends, co-workers and neighbors to see if any of them intend any harm against you. Hey, wait a minute maybe we could use the machine in place of having presidential debates. That would be great, that way we can screen out the weaker candidates for the strong ones that will protect us against all of our enemies, real and imagined. Come to think of it, we can probably use it to determine which corporations will fuck up our environment and steal from it's employees pension funds. Fuck! What a wonderful machine. I wonder if Tom Cruise will go out and buy one when they hit the market? Well, you know theres nothing like scaring the shit out of people to make them surrender their senses, not to mention their greenbacks.

I know it looks kinda strange but this is the best of the best of the best freaking food I have eaten in the world! Its a little tiny Japanese noodle place in Gardena called shin... shin shin guy.. no wait... shen shin... oh fuck it... it was awesome! This will probably be my place for the remainder of my time here. It blows every Japanese restaurant in chicago away! It's oodles of noodles above the rest. The sushi guy 2 doors down is ready to bomb the joint cuz they have a line around the building and he's feeding yesterday's spam to his family to survive.
In cocksucker news today...
Fry's has really let me down. the electronic superstore has shown it's contempt for my will and will pay dearly for it's insolence. The manager was a shifty little Mediteranian type in a poor fitting suit. His boss will get the nastiest letter he's ever received and Zorba is going to get his ass handed to him as well. Rat bastards!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I swear to fucking god that if I ever see a bastard from dish network collapse and start dying in front of me somewhere, not only am I not giving mouth to mouth, I'm going to kick them in the fucking head.
I hate Dish network! They suck ass! They chopped my internet wires while they were installing the dish, their customer service is outsourced, so when I'm pissed off and call them all I get is some hindu apologizing to me. Have you ever tried to be pissed at a hindu? It's impossible. I keep envisioning Gahndi at the loom telling me to "just chill out bro" in that slurpee guy accent. And now I can't get a good signal for shit. Look, I know it's all bread and circuses. We hit the 2600 mark in Iraq and Bush and his Republican hate machine are eating the guts of the middle class and shitting out $. In fact, here is a string of articles detailing how Orwellian (and extremely lucrative, EXTREMELY) the whole business of George's perpetual war has become:
(you'd better go read them fucker, that took forever to type in)
So, anyway all I'm trying to say is that if you are going to lull me to sleep with sixty channels of mind numbing, consumer remedies for incesant ass dripping and non-stop girls gone wild commercials, at least make the carnival ride work man!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The stress of not having any stress is getting to me.
Maybe it's a form of PTSD but, my stress free lifestyle is really starting to fuck with my head. I had a dream about being placed in charge of all the people I used to know at the old government office I had to deal with. I was put in charge of streamlining their operations, a task made all the more difficult by being surrounded by incompetent and mildly retarded beureaucrats. These people reminded me of petting zoo animals. It was really more of a nightmare because as i was trying to maximize the potential of each of my little zombies I had my cell phone company on the line trying to explain to me why it was absolutley neccessary to charge me a $600 fee for services that i had never even used. Man, it was weird and depressing. But, the good news is I woke up around 11am, had a cup of coffee and by then everything had returned to normal. Just another sunny day in South Califas (God I hate powerlines).

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Carl's Jr. Home of the Mutherfucking anti-christ and the $6 cheeseburger.
I can't deny that it's good. Oh, bubby is it good. They've got avocado burgers, double bacon, western style and my new personal favorite the pastrami burger. If there is a world heavy weight king of burgers it is the pastrami burger. Enough meat to satisfy even Jenna Jameson. But, it's the worst of the worst health wise and only I could get a craving for this pile of cow guts at 10:30 at night. It began with a bead of sweat on my forehead and ended with me running to the bathroom at 5am. I spent so much time shitting my kidneys into the bowl that I had actually fallen asleep with streams of choco, pastrami sauce shooting out of my ass. I was rudely awoken at the conclusion of a homo-erotic dream with a strange taste in my mouth. Thankfully, it wasn't a salty shot of man goo but, instead a squirt of handsoap which had hit me in the cheek when my head hit the soap dispenser. I can only recall this horror story and hope that you, who are paying attention, stay away from Carl's Jr. and when possible avoid cruising the net for tranny porn before bed time.
Stay angry.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Summer is almost over and you know what that means...
Chino Beano is about to join the ranks of the underground.
As good parents you know that we are hoping that he gets into the best and only the best gang in LA. As you can see here we are working hard to prepare him for his entry into the unified school district. Hopefully he will make plenty of friends that will show him the basics of busting a jack move or ridin durty. With any luck he will grow to become the new Kevin Federline. Popozao Y'all!!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

And for a moment I was in a rap video.
I was driving along the freeway and all of a sudden a helicopter crosses the highway shining it's searchlight. It looked like that part in the terminator movies when the hunter killers were seeking out humans to destroy. I looked and realized that we were driving over Compton. Than I realized that I wasn't in a post-apocalyptic nightmare but, in an NWA rap video. How cool is LA??
The corn-rolled thug probably evaded captivity, but in all likelihood he was hunted down and beaten into submission by angry, uniformed brutes.
In other LA gansta news...
I'm finding out that the biggest problem here is gangs. There are Vietnamese gangs, Chicano gangs, Chinese gangs, white gangs, all kinds of gangs. Apparently, there is no shortage of bad mojo or white, wife beater shirts, regardless of race.
The people of LA respond to their gang problem in a very un-california way. They have militarized their police force and given them license to bludgeon the innocent and not so innocent on sight. Fortunately, for me and my family I can afford to live far away from battlefield Compton and don't have any need to drive anywhere near the Rampart. These are places where devils fear to tread and God abandoned long ago. Boy, this town is rough if you are broke or stupid.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Rise of Zammy Stardust...
Like a leper messiah I shall creep up into my mind...
Without prompting or Jedi mind tricks, three close associates have explained to me a theory, which will become the launching pad for my fame. Apparently, if you have a message and people like that message, you can gain a following and that following can grow to a cult, and that cult into a state, and that state into a global power. Therefore, i have decided to annoint myself Zammy Stardust and you, you shall be my spiders. Only 2 days in the South Bay and I am already looking to fill in David Koresh's sandals. This whole California thing might just work out, especially now that I just found out that you can get avocados on everything. EVERYTHING! Even subway sangwitches (you take the boy out of the south side but...)!
I saw the Pacific for the first time yesterday. It frightened me to think of how small I am compared to it. It could swallow me whole in one bite. The good news is that Chino is listening to Bob Marley. He is well on his way to becoming an angry young man.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I am posting some of my blog from myspace on here so Y'all can have something to read while I build this puppy up.
Armed Madhouse
You know I'm a student of History so, I can tell you that before every major armed conflict there has always been a HUGE expansion in the production of weapons. Europe was saturated with arms shortly before both world wars. We in the US now produce more weapons per capita then any other state in the world and the corporations that make, trade and supply ammo for those weapons make the kind of money usually only reserved for oil sheiks. So, why do we spend 400 billion a year on our military? Do we need to spend more on our military then the next 25 NATO countries combined? Are we gonna win a war against these guys running around in pajamas with nuclear powered subs and stealth bombers? Or, could the answer to why we have military bases in every corner of the world be discovered if we follow the money trail?
Read on:
It's nothing short of genius and explains how our lives are being manipulated and controlled by power whores and money freaks.
and for added comfort watch:
Get angry or get extinct.
Is Dick Cheney the root of all evil??
Here you watch this and decide for yourself.
Asians aren't so friendly
Man, what a week it has been! I saw the Kings digs in Memphis, went looking for UFOs in Roswell and was viciously attacked by a Joshua tree in Joshua Tree National Park. My apartment is up and running, at least about 80% or so there bouts and the neighbors are angry because, I managed to talk the owner into letting me keep the pooches. At least I think thats what they are mad about. Its either that or that time I woke them up at 5 a.m. with a bullhorn in the courtyard of the building, announcing to them that the terrier and chihuahua are my dogs and they are, under no circumstances, to eat them. Speaking of eating there is no question as to when lunch time in Torrance, California is. All one needs to do is open a window and the stench of fish heads boiled in urine will alert you of that fact. Other than the hostile Vietnamese and Chinese people (the Japanese are cool, but it took a good bombing to get them that way) everything is Culo. Speaking of Culo, white women who drink Corona deserve sodomy. There is nothing more ignorant or obnoxious than a white girl's bachelorette party. I could explain this all in detail but anyone who has ever witnessed the fake horniness of a liquered up white girl knows exactly what I'm talking about.
It's time for the Purculator!!!
Thats right it's time baby! Man, I was reading about this guy who, in trying to convince his fiancee to marry him, ran down his street naked. So, the guys got the balls to do this crazy thing, but some dude comes walking down the street and he does what any normal, American kid would do, when you don't want people looking at your schlong when your naked(?), he jumps behind some bushes to wait till the people pass. The guy walking down the street sees the guy in the bushes, pulls out his gun and starts waving it around like he's living in Deadwood or some shit. This, of course, scares the naked guy, who then does what any normal American kid, who doesn't want to get his schlong blown off, would do; he runs! Charles Bronson, with the piece, shoots the poor sap and so much for the power of romance to make a guy do something crazy. Seriously, why do we bother with the illusion that everything is cool in this country? If you feel so fucking frightened about walking down the street, that you just have to carry a gun and need to pull it out everytime you feel threatened, then something is seriously wrong with the fabric of our society. Terrorists dont have to blow up any buildings to win a war. All they have to do is run down the street naked. That would frighten us so badly that I'm certain we would give up all control and power to anyone who promises to protect us from the almighty power of the penis.
For further instruction, please see:
A bed time story: Ann Coulter's Mutilated Vagina Fart
Once upon a time a filthy, horse face, low-life whore went to law school. Upon graduating she couldn't get a real job and men treated her like the filthy, horse faced, low-life whore that she was even though she had a law degree. So, she did what any filthy, horse faced, low-life whore would do, she got politics. She was swept up in a myriad frenzy of black crack babys, welfare queens and gays who were asking for trouble and got it. What little heart she had left had died and turned into a prune. Then one day a terrible man with a long beard and a large pile of cash destroyed two temples built in homage to the God of Wealth. Many people died and from the rubble was born an era of suspicion, confusion and hate that had never before been seen in the history of the once great land. The filthy, horse face, low-life whore and all of her filthy, horse faced, low-life whore friends saw, in all of this, an opportunity to make lots of cold hard $. And so, without remorse, shame or a shred of decency in their blackened souls they went on about the business of saying and writing the most disgusting pack of lies they could imagine. They did this over and over again and people throughout the land either ignored it or ate it up. But, there were a few people who were on to the filthy, horse faced, low-life whore and all of her shananigans. So, they chose a great warrior to ride into battle against the filthy, horse faced, low-life whore. The warrior struck a fatal blow to the filthy, horse faced, low-life whore in the twat, which sent her reeling and cowering for shelter. The filthy, horse faced, low-life whore had one last trick up her sleeve and as the warrior hung over her, ready to strike her down, the filthy, horse face, low-life whore pulled back her business suit to reveal her mutilated vagina, from which she blew a tremendous fart knocking the warrior to the ground. The warrior, now dizzy and incoherent from the fall, looked at the mutilated vagina and said to the filthy, horse faced, low-life whore, "You will suffer enough if I let you live. No one will ever listen to you again or believe anything you say once they see that filthy, horse faced, low-life, mutilated, whore's vagina of yours." And with that the filthy, horse faced, low-life whore crawled into a cave where she spent the rest of her days babbling about how things were better when she was a kid.
The LA Report
Its official! I will be Californicating come the end of this month. I was lucky (I guess you would call it that) to find an apartment that let me keep my pooch and only cost me $1225 a month. What a fucking bargain! I shouldn't complain. The majority of two bedroom shitholes we explored were going for alot more and refused entry to my doggy. And in case you are wondering alot more is in the 1400 to 1600 range. 10 miles from the beach in beautiful Torrance, CA will be where i hang my helmut. The upshot is Chino's school will be across the street and it is a California distinguished school with kick ass scores! It's a mostly Asian community so the math scores are out the window and though I will probably have to change Aikido styles, the good news is there are plenty of other schools around. Driving is completely insane out there. I was nearly T-boned at an intersection by a scrap metal truck full of Mexicans and almost killed a pedestrian (apparently they believe the crosswalk is an inpenetrable shield out there). Four huge expressways and if you can imagine westbound 290 on a friday night after 4pm, you get the idea. They even have traffic on Sunday night. Sunday, fucking night! What kind of a sick depraved city has traffic on a sunday night; not evening, night! Despite the lunacy it appears to be a decent place, filled with very laid back people. I did start to miss the tension in the air and didn't have a single ese vato loco stare me down the whole weekend, which really made me homesick. There may be better places to live than Chicago but no place will be as dear.
Point of clarification
Im taking shit for not believing that we should allow people to come to this country to be exploited. Granted, I find myself on the side of the argument usually reserved for paranoid retirees, fat housewives and skinheads but, you have to see my intentions. People come to this country and are mercilessly exploited and fucked over by a system that only wants them for their muscle bound, brown, backs. They have no power, no voting rights, no voice and allowing it to continue because it makes me feel good to be a humanitarian is a bad fucking idea. Period. On the other hand militarizing the border is a retarded fucking idea. If they can put troops on the border to keep the "little brown ones" out, they can put them anywhere in our country to keep the rest of us in. I'll be glad when Mexico becomes the worlds only super-power. Don't laugh, they have the potential if not the cojones. It will be great to see honkeys high jumping walls, swimming through rivers and running barefoot in the desert only to sell oranges on some dusty Mexican highway.
Fucking Mexicans and their Bullshit!
All you mother fuckers that are going to be taking Monday off have got steel coated balls and skulls filled with turds. Has it occurred to you fuckers that you are being used? Heres the deal; I spend an enormous amount of time reading, watching the news(not the local bullshit: NPR, CNN, BBC, C-SPAN etc.), arguing with people about current events. I go back and forth with this shit and have been politically active since my teens and always try to challenge ideas that most people consider conventional. I've walked from here to the moon handing out campaign lit. I've even been elected to a small political post in Berwyn. It has been an often aggravating, vicious struggle to put human injustice and misery into perspective. The most disgusting thing about all of this is that, I have come to notice that people just don't give a shit. You can tell them that on June 2nd the govt. is going to detonate a huge bomb so they can figure out how to build a better nuclear bomb and how thats going to cause death and destruction and global political instability AND NO ONE GIVES A SHIT! But, mention a day off from work and everyone becomes Abby Fucking Hoffman! It's sickening to me that the only way to get people to respond to issues, even ones that don't effect them (like immigration: face it if you are here legally, you have nothing to bitch about), is to bribe them. So, I propose an experiment. All of you who have people working for you should pay all of the employees who show up to work on Monday time and a half for the whole day. If it works and it gets people to come to work on Monday, then maybe we can get Congress to give employers a tax credit next year. We'll call it the "Lazy Wetback Tax Credit". And the best part of this will be that the next time one of these full of shit, chickenhawk, organized pimping associations starts spreading the idea of people not going to work to make a point, people will ignore it for fear of missing out on what really counts; CASH ON THE BARREL HEAD BITCH!!!!!
The rich get richer and Ann Coulter sucks Demon cock
Some 92 year old filthy rich lawyer went to U of C half a fuckin century ago and he is about to give them 6 mil. Do you see why Capitalism sucks? This is one of the most prestigious private colleges in the country with some of the highest paid faculty and professional facilities and some geezer is just going to hand them 6 mil like they need it. Jesus, give the money to a school that needs it. Ann Coulter, is about to release a book proving once and for all that liberals hate God and Jesus. How do these people do it? how do they love money so much, that they think that poisoning people's minds is worth it? Is there no shame to them? Seriously if any grizzly bears out there are reading this, would one of you please eat Ann Coulter next time she out camping? That way she can leave this planet the same pile of shit that she came into it as. Filthy twat!
Thanks for coming by. I promise to show you a good time while you are here. For those of you reading my stuff on "my space", I apologize for leaving you. I was tired of the porno and the 18 year olds and in some cases the 18 year old porno. I just thought it was time to move on and really give this blog thing a really good crack. And "my space" was too distracting; it's too hard to type a blog when you are trying to masturbate to pictures of people's feet and as some of you know I'm going to take a real crack at becoming a serious writer that writes about nothing seriously. So, I promise the same level of absurd nonsense, vulgarity and pussy fart jokes that I have always delivered; it's just gonna happen here instead.
Stay Angry!

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