Welcome to V. Lazaro Zamora's Blog

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My MP3 player is trying to fuck with my head or warn me of some real serious shit coming down the pipe.
For three nights in a row now:
"The killers breed on the demon seed. The glamour, the fortune, the pain. Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain. But, don't ya pray for my soul anymore. 2... minutes... 2... miiiiiiiiiid-night, The hands that threat-ten doooooooooom. 2... minutes... 2 miiiiiiiid-night. To kill... the unborn in the woooooooooooomb!"
It's not supposed to do that, but it keeps looping back to that song and it's really starting to creep me out. Y'know what also creeps me out? China and India. These are two backwards nations but, they really seem to be poised to stick it up our red, white and blue asses real soon:
especially now that they are back on the silk road. Don't worry though, I'm sure the US will do something akin to whispering "that chinese kid said your mama sucks Pakastani cock" into India's ear. the world is a playground and we are the biggest most fucked up bully on it.
This fella seems to be the only one crazy enough to "punch the bully in the face", as Pres. Bush once said (no not the current one, the one that started the two tone hair craze)
And a final thought. Is it just me or is Carson Daly completely disturbing to look at? He was weird and doughy a few years back on TRL but, now he's just plain ol' frightening. I've seen homeless, pedophiles on Santa Monica Pier that look more approachable than him. And can that show be any less funny? Who is writing that shit, a 19 year old with a brain injury? jesus, Carson, give me a call if you want funny. Only in LA can you get an audience that will laugh and applaud at everything this dummy says.

Monday, August 28, 2006

No really, It's the gayest place on earth...
Now you know I have nothing vs. gay people. I'm a friendly tried n' tru. BUT MAN, San Diego is GAY! Really GAY! Forget what you think you know about Frisco, San Diego is it's fiesty, little queen sister just waiting to find it's first glory hole. They have a beautiful zoo and I do recommend Sushi Itto on Washington St. but, watch out for the waiters cuz they are all on the rag. Honey, the last time i saw that many rainbow flags in one place, I was at a leprechan convention. I feel gay just writing about it. And will someone please control the two tone hair thing it's starting to spread to LA. The women there look homeless. They dress like coked out, homeless crack whores. jesus Christ, I lived throught he 80s and have no intention of living through two tone hair again. The chick from "Berlin" did it and it was sexy for all of 15 minutes but, it's over now! You slacker generation types can go get your own bad styles and leave ours dead and buried in my yearbook where they belong.
Anyhow, my jack russell, Mojito, will be gone soon. He was a good dog but, just can't seem to adjust to life out here. He will be a Mexican as of this wednesday; my inlaws have graciously accepted taking him back with him to the Yucatan. He has been loyal and smart but, he is miserable out here and can't handle life in a 2 bedroom apt.
That is why the Chihuahua is the superior force in the dog world and will never be in danger of Bcoming extinct; They don't need alot of excercise, are just smart enough to bark when they think danger is near and are as cute as the day is long. I will stick to them or the breed of choice for apt. dwellers, the Toy Fox Terrier; downside with them is they haven't much of a shelf life and unless you get yourself a real heatlhy specimen your looking at 10 years tops with them. 7 if you are lucky.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Tom Cruise kills puppys in this building. at least that is what I suspect happens in this den of wierdness. It is the world headquarters of the church of scientology and it is getting a make over so I couldnt' get a very good shot of it. It's blue, is about a city block long and has a huge cross adorning the top of it that some alien Jesus might have been duct taped to long ago. Seriously, is this religion any crazier than any other? Everyone leave those knuckleheads alone, please. They haven't caused any deaths that I'm aware of or keep creepy sex dungeons in the basement and as far as I know half of the entertainment world worships their religion's founder and his alien messiahs. And don't think for a second that what you read about Tom Cruise getting the boot from Paramount is true. Summner Redstone is a lowlife cocksucker of the same sleezy mold as Ruppert Murdoch, he wouldn't get rid of Cruise or any other cash cow in his stable for reasons of decency. He loves money and responds only to market forces decency and morality are the farthest thing from his mind. Speaking of sleezy cocksuckers:
I fucking hate William Kristol. I love the Jews; they are a great people and they should always consider us Cubans, their greatest allies but, they must seriously come together and force Billy boy from their ranks. He is a pathetic excuse of a man and here is further proof:

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


All i can say is Thank God we missed that one. Wait, technically we can still be in the apocalypse. According to the article the 22nd is the day the apocalypse begins. Actually its the beginning of the apocalypse according to right wing lunatics. The sad part is that alot of dopey people reading or listening to these nuts will buy into the whole thing, run out and buy duct tape. At this point in history you would think we would have evolved beyond the need to hunt down witches and scare ourselves silly with all that nonesense about the end of the world. Its pathetic especially when about 60% of the survivors of hurricane Katrina still haven't got their lives together.


So, we keep wasting effort and resource on maintaining a system that dazzles us with Paris Hilton videos and allows our children to die and murder in the name of better liposuction, lazik and prozac. We want to spread democracy, at least thats the excuse. But, it has recently occured to me that we have forgotten that, all this democracy and freedom jazz goes back to guys like John Locke and Jefferson, et. al. And the most important component of this concept, at least in terms of nations, is a little something called self-determination. That is the right of free nations to determine that they are going to do WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY PLEASE! I can't see how we the people are upholding the idea of democracy when we allow our government to determine the economic, political and social fate of the people of Iraq:


In case you are wondering if this is an isolated case, I can assure you it is not and there are numerous historical examples. The collection of tyrants, lunatics and murderous pitbulls on the US payroll will one day bring the republic to it's belly. Chalmers Johnson wrote a mighty fine book on the subject of "Blowback" (yes, thats the title). Make no mistake about it, we don't need to be told the apocalypse is on its way to be frightened. Those of us paying attention have been afraid for quite some time and the boogey man wears pinstripe, lives in a gated community and won't stop until he has raped this world of all of it's resources.

Friday, August 18, 2006


The subject of conspiracy theories has come up and I happened to run across this article in the LA Times. Such is the world we live in. Like Ice-T said, "Freedom of speech, just watch what you say." I don't know if this Webb fella was full of shit, I never read the original articles, but it seems to me that his downfall was formulaic. It's what they do to anyone who blows the whistle. It happened to Daniel Ellsberg, who leaked the Pentagon papers, which helped to end the war in Vietnam. It recently happned to Joe Wilson and his wife Valerie Plame, for Wilson's publicly declaring that Bush's claim on Iraq trying to buy yellow cake Uranium from Niger was bad and they knew it. Conspiracy theories are a good thing. It seems like it's the only way to get people to really notice when things that the government or corporations say or do aren't really supported by the evidence. Take for example the Kennedy Assasination, we would all be going around pissed off about the whole grassy knoll thing, if Stone hadn't made a movie about the conspiracy theory. It's not like we have real, honest to goodness, and varifiable lapses in judgement and reason that our government commits on an almost daily basis. In any case, it's hard for us to shake our love for conspiracy theories when even the mainstream press prints these types of headlines. It's from the same paper, on the same day:


Instead of focusing on the issues that directly effect our daily lives we wait for the spooky version to come out. Which will it be? The Jurassic Park Ride at Universal or a day at the natural museum?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I couldn't understand the connection between those huge Nascar displays and the large selection of spam, but now it all makes sense:
More than three out of four – 76% – of weekly WalMart shoppers voted for Bush over Democrat John Kerry in the 2004 presidential election, earlier Zogby polling showed.
The good news is even the backwards assed are feeling the crunch of Bush's America:
Peter King, House Chariman Director of Homeland Security wants to use racial profiling to ferret out the evil doers. Ok, is it just me or have all of these Republicans completely lost thier fucking minds? David Cross once said that not all Republicans are psychotic, racist, homophobes, just the ones they choose to represent them. Not only is George "Macaca" Allen getting in on the brown bashing, but now comes word that Paul Nelson (R), a Wisconsin Congressman, has come up with this ingenious little gem of a way to tell who is Muslim, "Well, you know, if he comes in wearing a turban and his name is Mohammed, that's a good start."
The good news is that it won't matter what color you are at the airport because depending on your expression you might be given the ol' shakedown anyway:
Which really complements that device I wrote about earlier. This is a crazy idea but, I'll throw it out there and you guys run with the ball. How bout', come this fall we get rid of all of these assholes and start with a fresh crop of assholes? I'm getting really tired of these people in power. How bout you? Have you had enough yet? It won't be enough to vote. We are going to have to go out find a really good local candidate, who you feel represents your ideas, then we are going to have to work, at least 2 hours a week knocking on doors, handing out flyers, making calls, etc. And then if that doesn't work, if our votes get disqualified for hanging chads, or we are disenfranchised as voters, if something un-American happens this fall, then I say we grab sticks and torches and bring the whole fucking parade to a halt. No more Lattes, no more H3s, no more pilates, no more lies. We march to the capital, call for general strikes and demand our country back from the real evil doers, who have fucked us over the last 20 years. Whos with me??? Oh sorry, I'll try back later when you aren't playing on-line poker.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

"The thing that’s partly disturbing about it is the fact that, the standpoint of our adversaries, if you will, in this conflict, and the al Qaeda types, they clearly are betting on the proposition that ultimately they can break the will of the American people in terms of our ability to stay in the fight and complete the task."
Dick Cheney said this about Connecticut voters because they voted out that dem in a red suit, Lieberman. So, Orwell continues turning in his grave thanks to our fearless leaders. Anyone opposed to the war raise your hand... Ya fuckin pinko! It's cuz of you that the terrorists are going to win. I bet you want to see the terrorists win. I'm sure you loved it when those planes hit the towers! you hate America don't you... This is what it's come to in our country. That shit that Dick said is the type of non-sense that you would expect from Limbaugh or horsey face whore; but really the V.P. of these United States resorting to that line of shit is just plain old sad. It marks the end of any semblance of decency the executive branch may have had these last, painfull 6 years. Here lies liberty: raped, tired and forgotten; may she rot away without dignity or grace.

Yo, so this is the dark Bodhi tree of North Torrance. It reminds me of that cave that Luke Skywalker had to go into in Empire. It just gives off a dark side vibe. Maybe if I meditate under it for seven years I will become a dark Buddha. Imagine that, hundreds of years from now people will flock to the park where it is located and will sacrifice virgins and sheep and shit like that all to pay tribute to their dark lord... me! I think I'll give it a try.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Oh man, I can't wait until they can use these new fangled devices at airports to detect wheter or not you are a terrorist. It will be awesome! You will walk into a booth answer questions and depending on what language you speak and how you answer the questions you are asked, the machine will let everyone know that you are going to blow up a plane. All of this protection and ease of mind comes at the low tax paying price of 200k per unit. Imagine the other applications this device might be put to use for. You could screen girlfriends, co-workers and neighbors to see if any of them intend any harm against you. Hey, wait a minute maybe we could use the machine in place of having presidential debates. That would be great, that way we can screen out the weaker candidates for the strong ones that will protect us against all of our enemies, real and imagined. Come to think of it, we can probably use it to determine which corporations will fuck up our environment and steal from it's employees pension funds. Fuck! What a wonderful machine. I wonder if Tom Cruise will go out and buy one when they hit the market? Well, you know theres nothing like scaring the shit out of people to make them surrender their senses, not to mention their greenbacks.

I know it looks kinda strange but this is the best of the best of the best freaking food I have eaten in the world! Its a little tiny Japanese noodle place in Gardena called shin... shin shin guy.. no wait... shen shin... oh fuck it... it was awesome! This will probably be my place for the remainder of my time here. It blows every Japanese restaurant in chicago away! It's oodles of noodles above the rest. The sushi guy 2 doors down is ready to bomb the joint cuz they have a line around the building and he's feeding yesterday's spam to his family to survive.
In cocksucker news today...
Fry's has really let me down. the electronic superstore has shown it's contempt for my will and will pay dearly for it's insolence. The manager was a shifty little Mediteranian type in a poor fitting suit. His boss will get the nastiest letter he's ever received and Zorba is going to get his ass handed to him as well. Rat bastards!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I swear to fucking god that if I ever see a bastard from dish network collapse and start dying in front of me somewhere, not only am I not giving mouth to mouth, I'm going to kick them in the fucking head.
I hate Dish network! They suck ass! They chopped my internet wires while they were installing the dish, their customer service is outsourced, so when I'm pissed off and call them all I get is some hindu apologizing to me. Have you ever tried to be pissed at a hindu? It's impossible. I keep envisioning Gahndi at the loom telling me to "just chill out bro" in that slurpee guy accent. And now I can't get a good signal for shit. Look, I know it's all bread and circuses. We hit the 2600 mark in Iraq and Bush and his Republican hate machine are eating the guts of the middle class and shitting out $. In fact, here is a string of articles detailing how Orwellian (and extremely lucrative, EXTREMELY) the whole business of George's perpetual war has become:
(you'd better go read them fucker, that took forever to type in)
So, anyway all I'm trying to say is that if you are going to lull me to sleep with sixty channels of mind numbing, consumer remedies for incesant ass dripping and non-stop girls gone wild commercials, at least make the carnival ride work man!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The stress of not having any stress is getting to me.
Maybe it's a form of PTSD but, my stress free lifestyle is really starting to fuck with my head. I had a dream about being placed in charge of all the people I used to know at the old government office I had to deal with. I was put in charge of streamlining their operations, a task made all the more difficult by being surrounded by incompetent and mildly retarded beureaucrats. These people reminded me of petting zoo animals. It was really more of a nightmare because as i was trying to maximize the potential of each of my little zombies I had my cell phone company on the line trying to explain to me why it was absolutley neccessary to charge me a $600 fee for services that i had never even used. Man, it was weird and depressing. But, the good news is I woke up around 11am, had a cup of coffee and by then everything had returned to normal. Just another sunny day in South Califas (God I hate powerlines).

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Carl's Jr. Home of the Mutherfucking anti-christ and the $6 cheeseburger.
I can't deny that it's good. Oh, bubby is it good. They've got avocado burgers, double bacon, western style and my new personal favorite the pastrami burger. If there is a world heavy weight king of burgers it is the pastrami burger. Enough meat to satisfy even Jenna Jameson. But, it's the worst of the worst health wise and only I could get a craving for this pile of cow guts at 10:30 at night. It began with a bead of sweat on my forehead and ended with me running to the bathroom at 5am. I spent so much time shitting my kidneys into the bowl that I had actually fallen asleep with streams of choco, pastrami sauce shooting out of my ass. I was rudely awoken at the conclusion of a homo-erotic dream with a strange taste in my mouth. Thankfully, it wasn't a salty shot of man goo but, instead a squirt of handsoap which had hit me in the cheek when my head hit the soap dispenser. I can only recall this horror story and hope that you, who are paying attention, stay away from Carl's Jr. and when possible avoid cruising the net for tranny porn before bed time.
Stay angry.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Summer is almost over and you know what that means...
Chino Beano is about to join the ranks of the underground.
As good parents you know that we are hoping that he gets into the best and only the best gang in LA. As you can see here we are working hard to prepare him for his entry into the unified school district. Hopefully he will make plenty of friends that will show him the basics of busting a jack move or ridin durty. With any luck he will grow to become the new Kevin Federline. Popozao Y'all!!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

And for a moment I was in a rap video.
I was driving along the freeway and all of a sudden a helicopter crosses the highway shining it's searchlight. It looked like that part in the terminator movies when the hunter killers were seeking out humans to destroy. I looked and realized that we were driving over Compton. Than I realized that I wasn't in a post-apocalyptic nightmare but, in an NWA rap video. How cool is LA??
The corn-rolled thug probably evaded captivity, but in all likelihood he was hunted down and beaten into submission by angry, uniformed brutes.
In other LA gansta news...
I'm finding out that the biggest problem here is gangs. There are Vietnamese gangs, Chicano gangs, Chinese gangs, white gangs, all kinds of gangs. Apparently, there is no shortage of bad mojo or white, wife beater shirts, regardless of race.
The people of LA respond to their gang problem in a very un-california way. They have militarized their police force and given them license to bludgeon the innocent and not so innocent on sight. Fortunately, for me and my family I can afford to live far away from battlefield Compton and don't have any need to drive anywhere near the Rampart. These are places where devils fear to tread and God abandoned long ago. Boy, this town is rough if you are broke or stupid.

Will Write for Food:

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