Listen you fuckers, you screw heads! Naw you aren't a screw head. I just love that line in "Taxi Driver". I have been here for about going on two months now. I gotta tell you its great here man. LA is the shit! The weather alone is a fantastic reason to live out here. I mean every day it’s in the mid 70s with clear skies and sun, sun, sun! My blood pressure has dropped since moving out here and i think I have actually lost about ten pounds without trying. This is a great place to be. With that in mind i would like to address this open letter to our famed and glorious, golden state leader, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:
Dear Governor Sir,
I am happy to report to you that my first couple of months as a Californian are going quite well. It is this state's love for fun, sun and it's live and let live attitude that have made the transition a rather smooth one. I must, however, make it my responsibility to warn you of a grave threat that imperils the very foundation of the great republic, the repercussions of which could suck the fun right out of the entire state. I speak to you of the tide of immigrants that flood our great state. We must do all that we can to stem this invasion of people from East of the Rockys. I know how you feel about placing troops on our state's borders, but I assure you it is necessary. We have all seen these people from the mid-west and parts beyond. They don't smile, make eye contact or greet you with a nod and a pleasant California style, "how you doin, man." Nay, sir these villainous blue-eyed devils carry a tension in their shoulders that I have not seen since I crossed the Missouri border on my way to the land of freedom and vine ripe avocados. Why just the other day I bared witness to a driver with Ohio plates flipping the bird to one of our friendly California motorists. Just recently I read, in that demeaning rag, the LA Times an article saying that the city was trying to appeal to these uptight NYC pinstripe types. That we are trying to entice these corporate types to come here and set up shop. Well, governor I believe as you do that the business of America is business, but not if it comes at the price of sacrificing our way rugged individualist ways. If New York doesn't want to see our Darwinian experiment in the form of cardboard shanty towns lining the streets of LA, then they should stay home and deal with their own cardboard shanty towns. Besides ours have a higher resale value. To put it plainly sir, these people are philistines that do not deserve our warm sun, toasty beaches and two-toned blondes. We are freedom lovers and they are freedom haters. That is why I call upon you to make it illegal to give safe harbor to these vile and despicable honkeys. You can make a difference in the lives of future Californians just as the greatest Californian who ever lived; John C. Fremont did when he declared war against the Mexican government and declared California an independent republic in 1846.