Welcome to V. Lazaro Zamora's Blog

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Represent, Represent!!!!

Lookit how long my hair is. Jesus, it's almost half way down my back! How do you like my gangsta biotch style? Thats LA for those of you who don't know how we be stackin up in this mutha fucka.
I'm so burnt out on this graduate application shit. i just wanna go back to playing my ps2. It's almost over. I've sent out around 10 applications. It's taken nearly a year to get this far and i only have 2 applications left to go. fuck I am tired of this. It better be worth it going to grad school. I swear to god if going to film school turns out to be a waste of time that could have been bypassed by bribing someone I'm going to lose it.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Lights, Camera, Action!!!

My film as it was submitted to CalArts is done. Unfortunately, I cannot load it here or youtube since the limit is 100mb and my film is a little bigger. I'll figure something out. My applications are about 90% done and I have a couple more to go. So, again I will probably be on hiatus until the new year with the occasional post here and ther but don't expect to much from me as I am exhausted and have started playing BULLY on the PS2 which is kinda like doing heroin without the nodding off.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Scare the Shit Outta Me Whydontcha??

Happy Belated Halloween! We had a good one. We celebrated Chino and Irina's B-day with all the kids we could find and nearly had to shut things down when the Dance Dance Revolution got to crazy. I went as a zombie, Irina as a witch and chino a pilot. His costume was cool but he refused to wear the GWB mask i was going to get him or the sign i was going to hang on him that reads "Mission not Accomplished." I shouldn't use my son to make political statements but, so what? Check back in a couple of weeks because i won't be writing anything until after Nov. 15th or so. That is the deadline for my applications to a couple of graduate programs. keep your fingers crossed for me. This time next year i will either be a Comparative Literature student at UC Riverside, a Screen writer at USC or a film student at Cal Arts!!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

LA IS BURNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what the apocalypse tastes like. Jesus Christ, you can't walk outside without getting a lung full of darkness. I came outside and found my car had ash on it and the sky has been black for days now.
That was a week ago. The creepy thing is that I live far from where the wildfires are still burning. Though, i was @ Disney last week and it was pretty dark and you couldn't see very far South. It looks like things are getting better but, I hope they catch the low life who set the fires and stick a hot poker up his ass.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Ho's Gotta Eat Too!

I was a big fan of Miami Ink on TLC so, when Kat got her own show I was like, totally rad and awesome dude! So, far the series hasn't been that great and the lack of friction between the people in the shop has given the whole thing that phony LA thing that nobody acknowledges and
everyone from these parts seems to embrace. Whatever! But, the zeppelin hit the control tower tonight as Jenna Jameson went in for a tat at the West Hollyweird shop on tonight's episode. First off, they introduced her as Jenna Jameson, entrepreneur. What a load of bullshit! She's a fucking porno whore. That's it! don't care if she made a million selling vibrating, silicone molds of her twat (she really did), she is a porn whore first and foremost. Look, I'm self-righteous and a total prick about alot of things but, I'm right on this. The bitch did what she had to do to get to where she is; I won't pass judgement, but I'll be damned if I just sit back and pretend she didn't make her money doing gangbangs and girl on girl shots. She got inked up with a quote from Joan of Arc, "I am not afraid, I was born for this." The whole time she was sitting there talking shit about how she conquered the corporate world by being a tough as nails, hardcore, business, cunt that fired people without mercy and took no prisoners in the boardroom. Bitch please! You know damn well you can't claw your way to the top laying on your back! Seriously though, I don't care if she made millions getting her every orifice stuffed, at least have the dignity to say, "I'm a ho and I made it by being a ho." Don't pretend that the years you spent with your feet in the air and the cameras rolling never existed; she must have lost her mind, at least the part that deals with memory . If Joan of Arc, which she claims to have studied extensively, were alive today I believe she would have willingly, thrown herself into a bonfire knowing that a woman was making $, not to survive but to be able to wear Jimmy Choo. And by the way, the picture is of Jenna when she was good looking. She now looks like that spice girl that married Becks, but with half her face chopped off "my main man" (bonus points if you know the reference). I still love Kat von D but, sweety, next time you have a phony in the hot seat make em' bleed real good or at least give them a tat of a penis with their name in the place of the shaft.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Fuckers Hit Me Again!

Jesus, what the fuck is going on with my hood? Now, my bike got stolen out of the rear carport! It was locked so those son's of bitches must have lifted the whole thing and taken it somewhere to cut the chain. I am so moving. When I can afford it. Maybe. If i can.
This is what happens when "Childrens" don't learn. I know the argument about cruel and unusual punishment and I believe in the constitution but, I don't understand what would be so wrong about maybe just taking a couple of fingers off of one of their hands. Fuck, even if it was their non-dominant one I'd be happy. You know, cut off the balls of a rapist, the fingers off a thief. If it were up to me we'd lobotomize half the hardened (violent) criminals in prison. Maybe it's a good thing it's not up to me.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I Just Kicked Some Ass, Now I'm Going To Disneyland!

I spotted UFC fighting madman and freak of human nature, Chuck Lidell at Disney last Sunday. He had a huge mouse under his left (?) eye that was put there on Saturday night by
some dude named Keith Jardine, who supposedly shouldn't have beaten him, but did. "The Iceman", as he is called is now considering retirement at the age of 36. This guy looks like he could eat a barbed wire fence and crap out cuff links. He's real thin and gaunt looking, but you can see the sinews bursting out of his arms. It's kinda weird standing next to a human killing machine at the happiest place on earth. I didn't talk to him cuz, he's a really scary looking dude. The mohawk and the tats on his head made him hard to ignore, but when you see a guy that has clearly just been in a fist fight at Disney land, it's kinda hard to spend the rest of the day whistling zipadee doo da. It changed my mood entirely and I yelled at a bunch of 10 year old girls and their parents who were fucking around and bumped into me at the haunted mansion. I just wasn't in the mood to take any one's shit. Thankfully there weren't many tourists that day or i might have done something terrible. Thanks for ruining my fucking day, Chuck, you asshole.

Friday, September 21, 2007

More Proof of the Coming Apocalypse

So, those of you who haven't seen this bore fest can now run out and rent it. The first movie by Robert Rodriguez, Planet Terror is actually pretty good and holds true to the grindhouse school of film making; a bit cheesy but fast paced, compelling and fun to watch. Tarantino's Death Proof is really boring until about the last 20 minutes and quite frankly I don't recall ever watching a grindhouse film, in my youth (and I watched plenty, cuz my father was an alcoholic and not very aware of the parental rating system), where the character dialogue was as rich, dramatic and well thought out as in this film. Seriously, people in those films didn't discuss the nature of relationships and get philosophical. They called each other cunts and yelled, "Hey! Let's go get those guys" alot.
In other news:
How the fuck did this idiot get taken seriously? We have lost our fucking minds in this country! I understand that everyone has something to say. I'm proof of it. But, for christ's sake all this douche bag did was tape himself crying over Brittany Spears and now CNN is profiling him. If that's all it takes I should be making Brad Pitt $ and adopting kids with Angelina. I'm not jealous; I just don't get how someone without talent, without any special ability or even good looks can get famous these days. We are truly desperate for entertainment and attention in this country. Oh yeah, CNN can go fuck themselves! In fact all American media outlets in this country can eat shit! Our country is asleep at the wheel and all these assholes can do is put the Brittany guy and OJ on the front page. What a bunch of bullshit!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

She Had Better learn to Give Good Hed

I know So. Carolina is not known for churning out Einsteins, but for christ's sake! She's gotta be dumber than Brittany Spears. Speaking of which, I think it's great that shes trying to have K-fed whacked. The hillbillyness of it all is too much for me. I'm serious when I say what this country needs is another Sherman's March to Sea.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Everytime I Get Out, They Drag Me Back In.

I'm not going to get angry. I'm not going to get angry. Just let me say that the pathetic little fucks who did this to my window and stole my sirius satellite radio deserve to have their fucking fingers gnawed off by a wolverine. I hope their children are born without eyes and that their mother's diseased uterus's fall out so they can no longer contaminate this world with sick, weaklings who can't achieve anything through legitimate avenues and hard work. I hate your guts, you slimy, losers and I pray that one day people like you will be eradicated from the gene pool so that the rest of decent society can live peacefully and without burden having your shitty, miserable existence being felt. May god condemn you and the devil shove a hot poker up your ass for the rest of eternity, you low life, filthy, piece of shit!
AAhhhhhhh, i feel better now.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Even Turkeys Get a Break

I really thought Bush would be the first president to murder a turkey on Thanksgiving, but apparently he is not even that big of a jag off to kill our nation's official Thanksgiving turkey. I

am happy to report that despite what conspiracy buffs might report on the net, the Turkeys are safe and chillin at Disneyland. Now, it is possible that these are not the actual turkeys but i am not the one to investigate the claims that we are being fooled by our government into believing that the Thanksgiving turkey is actually pardoned every year. In any case, I am happy for the turkeys living in this corral. They appear content, well fed and ignored by most everyone who walks past them. Maybe we can put the people that Dick Cheney wants to shoot in the face in a corral here also. By the way, if you have been enjoying this blog for awhile now, you might want to consider a small donation. The paypal link at the bottom works really nice and god knows I don't want to have to go out and get a real job. This turkey don't get fed for free.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Can't We All Just Get Along??

It's not just any dog and cat. A Siamese, known to have the worst tempers known in the cat world and a Chihuahua, known for their nervous breakdowns and annoying yaps. No, I didn't have them sewn together this way. No, they are not sedated. They genuinely love each other. They play all night long and sleep together during the day. Sometimes the cat gives out a hiss or the dog an aggressive bark. Sometimes the cat eats the dog's food and sometimes the dog eats the cat's food. But, these two get along really nicely for arch enemies. Now, how do we conquer darkness and hate? Using Love or bullets? Following the way of the gun or the way of the housepet? If they can do it, why can't we all?

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The happiest place on the late great planet Urth!

One day, after many great wars and our world has
been reborn from the ashes of nature's destructive
forces, a new civilization will come. They will find this planet was the home to an entire culture of cruel species that was bored beyond belief. However, they will come to understand that we knew how to party, because among the rubble and waste of our dead planet they will encounter a great temple where the people of this fallen world came to pray, give many alms and pay tribute to their omnipotent deity. Among those ruins they will discover a god mightier than any they have ever encountered. A god that, with the help of his big, orange dog and a lower god that took the form of a talking duck , used his powers to give the inhabitants of this wasted world the thing that they truly wanted. They did not seek enlightenment or a utopia. They wanted entertainment and that was the gift that this almighty and powerful rodent god gave to them. May the Mouse bless you and keep you safe.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Journey to the Temple of Hate

If there is a dark center of greed and American buffoonery South Coast Plaza, in what is repulsively referred to as the "OC", is it. It is the place where $800 shoes are found in the bargain bin at Jimmy Choos and guys who look like Moby eagerly serve flutes of champagne to those who have wrists precious enough to wear the latest Movado time piece. The hoi-polloi are not welcome and the common man must pay $9 for a cup of joe if his kid needs to take a piss and won't make it to the other end of the mall, where the gamestop and the body shop are located.
I don't normally advocate violence against the rich (OK, maybe sometimes I do but only as a sport) but here is a little thought I had and it only applies to guys who sport man bags, wear jeans with flip flops and desecrate Rock and Roll by wearing retro Jimmy Hendrix or AC/DC shirts (any awesome Rock band, really); I would advocate the following punishment for their heinous profanity of "The Rock" which I doth hold sacred: The pain begins when we drive a long bolt through both ankles. We then attach a cable to the bolt and hang them upside down to a thorny tree. We smear honey on their phony runway Mohawks so that fire ants can crawl into their eyes, then we cut them down a couple of days later and toss whats left of them into a big burlap sack with a rabid hyena and throw them both off a bridge and into a fast moving river. I know, I know, I'm way to lenient on these filthy buggers, but I have read some Gandhi so, fuck it.
O.k. One more thing. Who buys an $8000 purse? I'll tell ya who. 3 types of of dumb asses buy $8000 purses; 1. the filthy rich. I mean Paris Hilton rich. They don't know poverty or struggle, have never had a need or want or wild desire that they couldn't have fullfilled with a phone call. 2. The noveau riche. Not just any noveau rich, the ghetto ass noveau rich; Kimora Simmons types who make disgusting amounts of bank and can't seem to remember the rough times and think that the good times will always last (they sure do don't they Hammer?). 3. This last type is the worst of the lot; I mean the lowest of the low; they are the broke 9 to 5ers that have a mortgage, a car they can't afford and a credit card with an $8000 limit. Shouldn't I have pity on these dummys? Absolutely not! Know why? Because, unlike the other 2 groups these people think they are better than their own kind. They equate happiness with the consumption of hogwash, pure bullshit and simple minded frivolity. They believe that the shit they own will fullfill a desire in them to be noticed and this is worse then anything Kimora the pothead or Paris the jailbird do, because if it weren't for these class traitors, "The Fabulous Life of ..." and "Cops" would be shows about how corporate criminals get arrested, and poor, black people get to watch the policemen who terrorize them go to jail, instead of being the foolish golden carrots that they wave in front of the great, distracted, unwashed, masses, who buy into the idea that everything is just fine and all we have to do is , buy, buy, buy!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Comi-con 07: Special Report

From the sacred halls of the San Diego convention center there now emanates a smell of ass, old pizza boxes and melted plastic. This can only mean one thing; Comi-con is over and the geeks have returned to their parent's basements. A greater collection of obese, dorks could not be assembled if you purposefully crashed a cruise ship full of M.I.T. tech students into a summer camp for fat kids. You could count the collective number of used condoms used in one night stands this weekend on one hand, if you only had 3 fingers. Take the kid who pissed himself in grade school, the neighbor who constantly gives you unsolicited advice on building a better lawn and add the sexually frustrated boyfriend that your sister had to get a restraining order against and you've got Comi-con! I just happened to be in my favorite town of San Diego(fuck you! It was merely coincidence!) and i have done it all at least twice before so, fuck it! I gobbled up some eggs this morning and asked the English lady who sat next to me at breakfast to say, "You're going to marry a commoner? Never, I say." She just looked at me like i shit on her toast and tea and asked the waiter for another seat. So, off I went and it was a rough start considering the first dweebs i saw on the trolley were dressed as spidey and venom. A slap wouldn't have sufficed. I wore my head phones all day to avoid people. There is nothing worse than having a virgin initiate a conversation on the complexities of living on the green lantern's home world. Mostly, I stared at all the weirdos, though there were some cool costumes and a girl in green cos-play gave me a free hug. When I had to sit, I made sure it was next to a pretty girl (size 14 and under though rarely possible), cuz I'll be damned if I'm sitting next to some creep in a Gandalf outfit or a middle aged man in a Harry Potter t-shirt.
Top 5 random thoughts as a walked the floor:
1. " I swear to god I'm going to murder the cocksucker who invented pokemon."
2. " Jesus, that's Margot Kidder rummaging through that box of discounted toys. How the mighty have fallen."
3. "If my son ever comes home with a pair of little plastic wings sewn into a tunic I will take my own life."
4. "I never realized the importance of healthy semen until now."
5. "I bet a thermite reaction in this place would put a huge dent in ratings for "Lost" this coming season."
Alright, it wasn't all so bad. Aside from having a handicapped guy give me a dirty look (fuck him, I was shitting myself and his little scooter was too slow) and having a moron shake a felt tip marker till the ink went flying all over my arm, it was a good experience. I got tons of SWAG and i bought a cool book on writing horror stories and got a kit for painting dragons. So, I guess that geeks are OK in my book. I just consider myself really lucky i discovered pussy and beer in high school.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


My new cat. He is adorable. A blue eyed Siamese rescue kitten. The Chihuahua loves him, despite his arrogance. His name is Leon, but for the record that is short for Don Corleone. I spent the week in Monterrey Bay and some of you was hatin on me cuz of the picture I sent out. Hey, I can't help it if I'm a sucker for rubbing it in.
I am having production delays on my film. I still have a couple of scenes to shoot and one of my actors has flown the coup. Not to mention the problems with the editing software. But, I will persevere and this film will get made. I'm just not sure how yet????

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Hooray for Hollywood!

You are looking at 1 of only 2 production stills from my new movie project titled: Wood, Steel, Plastic. Once it is done and has been submitted to USC or CalArts or both for consideration of admission to film school, I will be posting it probably on You Tube. The shooting of the film is nearly completed and I have a few more scenes to shoot before editing can begin. That's my homie Henry and he was a real sport. We woke up real early a couple times and with the help of my buddy Shanks, we were out at the crack of dawn making movie magic on Hermosa Beach and slugging down Irish car bombs with Sean Young afterwards. What a treat! I'm in a better mood now that Paris Hilton is back behind bars. I certainly feel safer and would only feel evan safer if she were sharing a cell with Osama bin Butthole in a dark, secret CIA prison in Turkey. I have been caught up playing the XBOX 360, which Henry brought into town and now i must reignite the synapse in order to get back to reading and studying film. That should explain the stagnant state of my reading and viewing lists. But, truth be told that Dead Rising is the shit! Especially if you are as big a fan of horror movies as I am, especially the zombie ones. I played a bunch of other games on the system including a few first person shooters but, Dead Rising is awesome! Also, I was impressed by the system's speed and graphics. Nice stuff but, till the price drops below $200, including a hard drive and a game, Bill Gates can kiss my Cuban ass.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Justice is so hot!

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic! It makes me ill that this filthy, low-life, giggling, whore was released today. I have such little faith in the so-called justice system as it is and now this. This vile slut made a truckload of cash making fun of working class and poor people. She and her cohorts are responsible for the further decay of decent society and now her money and the influence of her family has once again proven that the rich and powerful go through this life with impunity. If you couldn't eat the food in prison you would starve and they would force feed you and send you to the prison psych ward for trying to starve yourself; They wouldn't fucking release you!!! I have had it with her and her stupid, fucking, spoiled, rich, whore, behavior and the way that it is constantly being enabled by t.v. viewers, her inbred family and now the fucking justice system. She deserves no less than to hang by the nipples from a light post and to have her corpse torn apart by rabid jackals. She has managed to serve 3 days of a 45 day sentence and they still gave her credit for 5(???). Fucking bullshit! It's not surprising; it's just aggravating to see this and though i've said it a hundred times here it is once again: There is no justice system in this country, only a prison industrial complex. Still think I'm talking out of my ass? Here ya go from a LA times article: "Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer sentenced Hilton to 45 days in jail after the 26-year-old multimillionaire repeatedly violated her probation on alcohol-related reckless driving charges by driving on a suspended license." Yes, you have read the stuff in bold correctly, she was already on probation! "Repeatedly violated!" She and her ilk always treat lady justice like a joke and ya know what? They are totally right! And, don't you dare get me started on Scooter Libby! the saddest part of all of this is that while we are being lulled into this bullshit, more important things are happening, like investigations into secret prisons; which incidentally I don't understand why they are investigating this in Europe instead of in the halls of congress! Oh Boy, what a sad state of affairs this country is. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070608/ap_on_re_eu/eu_cia_secret_prisons

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Yes there is a Doctor in the house!

We did it! My vieja is now the doctor of Love! A Psy.D comes in handy when you are job hunting and though the last few years have been trying and tough, the light at the end of the tunnel is clearly in view. Now, if I can get my ass in gear...
Writing is taking up alot of my time and working on my films has been a nightmare, especially since the software I'm using is harder than Ron Jeremy in a room full of blonds and less user friendly. I have been working late into the dawn and produced very little, but that is better than most writers are capable of. Most days I resemble the fella in the picture, but for me, forward is the only direction in which the shark can move. I'll take an 8 hour stretch at the keyboard with nothing to show for it, over 8 seconds @ a cubicle, with a fat paycheck, a cup of starbucks and an employee of the century parking space any fucking day of the week. god bless those who do it, but this kid's moved on to greener pastures; so you can keep yer pursuit of the perfect SUV, yer flow charts and action item reports. My parachute ain't golden, in fact the fucking thing has holes in it; but, i'd rather hit the ground and feel the rush, then glide through it all and say it was a snooze fest.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Dude, Sweet!

Apparently Ray Bradbury is an old SoBay boy so, he comes out to Torrance once a year and signs books and gives a speech. They wheeled him out last week and he did just that at the Torrance civic center before a packed house. Man, is he the coolest ever! He told us about his friendships with Bernard Bertrand and Federico Fellini; totally fucking hip and totally avant-garde! The old fella was a real charmer and I was lucky enough to get my copy's of 451 and Dandelion Wine signed by him and I even got to shake his hand. He is really getting on though so, don't be surprised if we hear that he has joined Vonnegut sometime soon. He is a living legend and I don't often get giddy about things but this was a real treat!
Speaking of naziesque behavior; when is the Iraq war going to end? The Dems have done what we should always expect them to do, which is bend over and take it up the balloon knot. Why can't I vote for that fucking party you ask? Because it is the home of douche bag, cry babys that are never satisfied with anything and fat-faced liars who would do and say anything to remain in power. If you tell the American people you are going to do something, don't make excuses; do what you said you were going to Washington to do. The Republicans, much to my chagrin, tell people they are going to force gay people to go into hiding, make school children weep for the crucificion or create death squads to kill hippies by the road side and by golly they at least try to get it done! Personally, I can't wait for the next election. I'm certain that people are going to either avoid the polls, be disenfranchised by Republicans like last time or get stuck with the Hillary option (who incidentally isn't fit to be dog catcher). That's cool, cuz I figure we can get back to some good ol fashioned book burnings soon as this peace craze blows over. Oh, guess what? It looks like it has now that Cindy Sheehan is fed up with the Dems too. Who can blame her? We live in a nation where people care less about what is going on in another country, that we have invaded, than keeping count of Lindsay Lohan's drug rehab schedule (what is this, the second or third time?).
The children are doomed.

Monday, May 21, 2007

It's all Kabuki theatre anyway!

I'll give it to the Dems, they have an all star line up of diversified, culturally competent, new school and old school players ready to save the U.S. from the likes of Cheney and KBR. At least it's not the same tired ass collection cry baby's and stiff East coast types. I might actually be able to vote based on my hate for the white man, instead of my fear of the white man this time. The republicans, as expected, have hauled out the usual motley crew of rich honkeys who love jesus and dine on gay, Jew baby hearts; some of them have even rejected evolution (seriously). Now, as most of you know i used to be a die hard republican; before it meant being a fascist bible thumper, being a republican meant accepting that government can't do shit for you that you can't do for yourself. That meant that the government couldn't tell a woman not to terminate a pregnancy or tell a young family in the ghetto that the only way to get out of the slum was to use food stamps or that the only way to love ones country is to shut the fuck up and support the troops and don't ask questions about no bid contracts. The party was a bit more libertarian in those days and that republican party no longer exists; sorry it just doesn't. I wish it did, but there is no going back now and to those in the party who are there and lament Jerry Falwell's passing i say: FUCK YOU! THE GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE AND SO ARE YOU! I HOPE THE DEVIL IS CRAMMING A STICK OF DYNAMITE UP HIS UPTIGHT, SELF-RIGHTEOUS ASS RIGHT NOW! FUCK JERRY FALWELL, ALIVE OR DEAD (i had to get that out)!
The republican party is now the home for gay hating, jesus freaks and the fifty percent of Americans who don't believe in evolution but, believe that Nascar is a fucking sport. You've got Huckabee who thinks creationism should be taught in schools, Romney who wants to double the size of Guantanamo, though most credible human rights organizations agree it should be shut down, Rudy who's only claim to being a good leader is being the mayor of NY on 9/11 and Tancredo who despises Mexicans and thinks that Jack Bauer will save us if terrorists strike. Those of you wondering why I don't love McCain I can only say that, yes, I liked the guy but lost respect for him in the last couple elections when he let Rove and Bush off the hook after they called his wife a drug addict and said his children were mud baby's from an extramarital affair; any man who would put politics before family doesn't deserve my vote. Basically, it looks like the GOP is sitting out this next election; guess we will have to wait until Jeb Bush decides to run to be afraid of being Americans again. I will miss the days of having to put off vacations outside the U.S., but it's a small price to pay if we can get our collective sanity back.
It's really to early for all of this. Why are all of these people getting lined up 18 months before the shit goes down? I don't get it. Why is everyone in such a hurry to replace the worst president in history? I mean they are having debates and everything. Could it be because now that the office of the presidency and politics in general has been so tarnished, so irrevocably made to be despised, the only way is up and the next president will be able to do everything short of murdering an infant on live television and still look like Kennedy? After what we have just been through for the last 8 years I don't blame people for feeling weird about politics, but we get the kind of government that we deserve and if we don't demand that these party's give us better alternatives, we will get more of the same; better yet we should demand more than just these 2 lame ass political parties. Whats wrong with have a Socialist or a green or libertarian or even fascist party candidate. It's diversity that strengthens the democratic system and makes us appreciate our system of government. Jesus, are we that shell shocked and traumatized by the Bush years that will settle for anything at this point?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Christ, Venice Beach is Gross!

I swear if I never see another homeless hippie again it will be too soon. Look, I'm pretty open minded and have a real, I won't fuck with you if you don't fuck with me outlook on life; but after visiting Venice Beach I am ready to give the national guard the green light to go down there and and start collecting ears. Seriously, I don't think I have ever seen a person smoke a doobey in broad daylight, with hundreds of people around him right in front of cops; the fucked up part wa he wasn't the only one. I would have pictures for you of this collection of walking abortions, but those so-called, non-conformist, dirty haired, anti-corporate, Eco-warriors want you to give them money if you snap a pic of them. Well, I say FUCK THAT! It will be a cold day in Venice (Italy) before I crack my wallet for a picture of someone being useless and drawing perfectly good oxygen. The only thrill I got was watching a couple of black chicks beat the shit out of each other in front of a crowd on the boardwalk. It was quickly broken up by LAPD; yeah right! They took their sweet fucking time getting to the scene even though they were less than 25 yards away. I swear to god, if those chicks had been wetbacks those fuckers would have dropped their donuts and gone in swinging their clubs. By the way the mayor of LA, Villa- whatever the fuck his name is, is one useless fuck. He's no Daley. Tricky Dicky would have been all over that MacArthur Park shit and had half the police department strung up by their balls with the cooperation and full support of the police union. What Venice Beach needs is a Dicky Daley to go down their, kick all those useless fucks off of the boardwalk and turn Venice Beach into a nice place where families and tourists can go to blow all their hard-earned cash without being subjected to tarot cards, pyramids and patchouli.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Walking on the moon

Either Sting is the greediest Yogi master on the planet or he's the greediest cunt from North London ever. Seriously, why do these old ass, overly rippened, rock stars always feel the need to relive their glory days. Things run their course and if you missed out on seeing them the first time around tough shit! Sting doesn't need those guys to draw a crowd. It's like a 70 year old pimp getting his old hos (not the nappy headed ones)together to turn tricks and make that money. This is why this generation is so screwed up; their parents are selling their own childhoods back to them. Perhaps it's the need for the older generation to live vicariously through their youngsters or maybe some of us just never got over new wave; in any case it's bullshit. How are these kids supposed to discover new and interesting art forms, which ideally is how you keep art alive, if we keep throwing Gene Simmons and Run DMC at them?? It's because of this regurgitated garbage, that we keep force feeding them, that these dopey, young minds think that bullshit like Good Charlotte and All American Rejects are cutting edge. For fuck sake; everyone leave the kids alone! Let them figure it out and stop telling them whats good. They will stop using gum pants and two tone hair but, we have to back off and let them come up with their own shit. We learned in the 80s that synthesizers are not a substitute for shredding on an axe; there is no need to keep re-learing that lesson.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Cabby You Creep!

In every state in America, a bar owner is liable to lawsuit if a bartender serves too many drinks and a customer dies in an auto accident. Hand a chainsaw to a child, you're in legal trouble. Until Bush signed the 2005 protect-the-gun-makers law, the same common law against negligent distribution applied to firearms.
-Greg Palast

What a terrible thing that happened at Va Tech! Fucking Pyscho, I hope he rots! And if we really give a shit about waht happened and don't want to see it happen again, then we have to shut down these right wing nuts that believe that the constitution provides for the common joe owning a Barrett .50 cal. It's retarded to allow violent, sick, people access to high powered rifles and hollow points. And by sick, violent people I mean ALL AMERICANS! Don't think we are sick and Violent? Go back and watch "Bowling for Columbine" or don't take Michael Moore's word for it read, "Overthrow" by Kinzer; he's got plenty of material to demonstrate the violent historical nature of our country. And by the way, how is it that the same nuts who are ok with little kids murdering each other with AKs have such a problem with a woman deciding when the kid she can't take care of or love would be better off dead? Whats the fucking difference whether it's in the womb or the street or in the 3rd tri-mester or sixth grade? The fucking hypocrites should be hung by their cocks.

In lighter news, I ran into Ernest Borgnine at LAX the other day. He asked me what flight the luggage coming down the conveyor belt in front of us was from and as you know, I am very easily star struck so, I just froze up and pretended I was deaf and retarded. He was a great guy. Shook hands, even signed an autograph, with a huge smile I might add, for a youngster. You know he is cool, after all he saved Snake in that alley. I wonder how he got through airport security with those molotov cocktails in his luggage? He is not to be harmed in the race war!
Newt Gingrich is such a douche bag. Not only does this not mke any fucking sense but, he just goes on and on and ultimately he's so off the mark. The only ones that want to silence people are his buddys on the religious right. Fuck him:

Thursday, April 12, 2007

God cannot die

I have never been driven to tears by the death of a public figure. Few, if any, deserve the emotion or salt. But, the death of Kurt Vonnegut Jr. is a very heavy loss. I have, for decades now, been a devoted fan of this most brilliant genius amongst men. The "Titans of Siren" made me laugh and gave me reason to love fiction. "Mother Night" and "Breakfast of Champions" are, without argument two of the greatest novels to grace the shelves of my personal library. I know that from this point on out his stories will be optioned by hollywood types and that his life will be analyzed through his writing but, no movie or eulogy will ever capture the true greatness of such an amazing writer. Humanity has lost something unique and special today. There will never exist another writer that can match or come close to this master of fiction. Hunter S. Thompson finally has someone reasonable to talk to. God Bless you Mr. Rosewater, you will finally know if "why not?" is the answer to your question.

Monday, April 09, 2007

It makes me a jolly good fellow

6.5% alc. by vol. Not bad for a first time! Of course the good folks at www.homebrew.com (free plug) made it possible. The bad part is I have to wait four freaking weeks for it to finish fermenting. It might look a little less cloudy by then too if all things go right. I'm going back to that same ol' place tommorrow so I'll see my old buddys and you can all gasp at how long my hair is now. By the way, I saw Nikki Sixx at Universal City walk today. The man is living testimony that heroin and pussy are the key to eternal youth. He's gotta be 50+ and he looks younger than me. Maybe I need more heroin?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Jesus, Windows Vista is a Pain in the Ass!!

It's annoying, man! I don't get it??? How is this OS supposed to make me go WOW!, like the commercial says? All it did was make the icons on my desktop bigger and maybe increased the speed of the computer, other than that it took 2 hours to load, 3 system re-formats, because of "conflicts", no less than a dozen reboots and the re-installation of at least six different programs; oh and by the way Mcafee doesn't work on it and Firefox can't run "fuck all" on it. Fucking Gates! His way or the super information highway.
Anyway, computers suck! Too bad there aren't more arcades like the one you see here. We discovered this place and had a blast. They had a shit load of games, forget Enchanted Castle, this place has outdoor mini golf, laser tag, a pizzeria and even a water slide (I luv California). The entire back area is full of old school games like: Galaga, Centipede, Pacman, a ton of Pinball machines and even a couple of those old school racing games like Pole Position. Rock on Camelot, for though art the mightiest most bad ass castle in all South Cali!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Dude! That's Dustin Hoffman!!!!!!!!!``

Thats the thought that flashed across my brain this afternoon when I FRIGGIN SAW DUSTIN HOFFMAN, the Little Big Man himself at the L.A. Museum of Contemporary art (small A). Before you ask, YES, it was THE Marathon Man, Straw Dog, Midnight Cowboy, Graduate and Tootsie in the flesh! I'm certain that the sight of my jaw dropping shock caught his attention and he, I swear to you on the eyes of my Chihuahua, smiled right at me! I almost died on the spot, cuz I'm a huge fan of his! But, he was admiring Magritte and apparently a big fan cuz he was taking the audio tour. So, what could I do? I wasn't going to bug the guy. Would you stop Jesus in the middle of the street and ask for an autograph??? Hell no! So why bug one of the greatest living actors of our time? He deserves to enjoy art and not have some mug bogart his time. Besides, I doubt i would have been able to get out anything more than, some weird grunts; I was star struck, baby, by one of the biggest stars out there. So, Dustin just smiles and looks at me like I was insane, then goes back to admiring surrealism's godfather. I totally love Hollywood!

Monday, February 26, 2007

Mana from Heaven

Did you know that at the last supper they ate Chik-fil-a? Or that Chick-fil-a cures cancer? Oh but it does. How bout the fact that if we were to airdrop Chick-fil-a on the Middle-East we would instantly have peace. Pour the Polynesian sauce on on any open wound and it will instantly mend. Bathe daily in the sauce and you will live for 900 years. It is the most delicious substance on earth and they are located on the West Coast, which is great news because the power of Chick-fil-a can stop earthquakes. The only thing it cannot do is revive the dead, but then if the dead were smart they would have eaten a Chick-fil-a just before dying and they wouldn't have found themselves in that position. If I could, I would marry a Chick-fil-a sangwich, cuz they are awesome. God Bless you Chick-fil-a!!!!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My Child was Nearly Exploited by Hollywood

I'm starting to worry about this Hollywood place. They will eat your young if you let them. We were at Walmart ( I suppose I deserve what I got) when we were approached by a tall, 50-something, blond with a pair of stretched back cheeks. She reminded me of Laura from the talk show of the same name, if she had been buried alive, dug up five years later, plastic wrapped and put in a pair of fitted jeans. The zombie walks up and starts telling us what a great look our kid has and how great he looks and that she does the casting for "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" (A Zamora family favorite I should add) and won't we please come down and read for them on Sunday afternoon. She says that 2 commercials will easily pay for college and that it won't cost a thing, free parking, lots of $$$ to be made. Seeing as it's in Beverly Hills we had planned to make it a day and everyone was very excited about the prospect of making lots of money off of the hard work, good looks and exploitation of my youngling and no one more than he. Man, I had visions of Gary Coleman in my head. Watchu talkin bout Papi?
The business card for "StarKidz" in Bev Hills is full colored and beautifully laminated and shows the inside of what is supposedly the inside of their actual studio; but like most things Hollywood, it is all an illusion. A little bit of research led us to the truth. These chicken hawks are feeding off the hopes of the poor, thats why the franken-scumbag was out combing the Walmarts. It turns out that StarKidz is under investigation by the State of California and has been ripping people off for years; in fact, they haven't been able to nail down the owner of the place. She is apparently a very elusive and shadowy figure. The scam is always the same, they approach, they invite, no money exchange initially takes place, then they test your kid and his scores are off the charts. Low and behold they need 2k to keep the wheels greased and of course nothing ever comes of your kids acting career. Now the upsetting thing is that they target the poor and gullible and use their own sense of hopelessness against them. In Hollywoodland one must always be vigilant. Let this be a lesson to you. Only you should take advantage of your kidz, don't let a total stranger do it, no matter what they promise you.

Friday, February 09, 2007


I have been negligent of my blogging doodys for a week, but with good cause. I have been fighting a war with corporate Amerikkka for the last two weeks.
First wave: Nintendo. These guys know customer service. The DS breaks down and I get a replacement, hassle free within a week. They sent it out in a UPS box, I send it back, everyone is happy. Too bad they are a Japanese company, cuz they would make great Americans. Hats off to Nintendo, they are the kind of company the founding fathers intended when they wrote up the Bill of Consumer Rights. God Bless em'.
Round 2: Americinn Hotels. Long story short the manager of the Wickenburg, AZ chain refuses to refund $100 to my mother in law's credit card. Hey, I called in the cancellation, its not my fault your people are retarded. I call customer relations they tell me to talk to him again. I talk to him again, blah, blah. Fuck it, write the CEO a nasty "how dare you people steal money from a little ol' lady living on a pension..." letter. Like Trump says, you want to get something done, you talk to the boss. You will give me my money back Luke Fowler, Mr. hot shot CEO. If you don't I'm finna tear yo punk ass up.
The third front and the bitch of the bunch: Creative Labs. If you ever have a choice between rinsing your genitals with battery acid and buying a Creative Labs MP3 player, i suggest the scrotum scour any day. They are the worst company in the world. Pathetic tech support, the software is pure rubbish and they don't stand behind anything they sell. Shame on you Creative. They made me give them $25 and send the device in to fix it, saying it was out of warranty. Sounds reasonable right? If it's out of warranty why should they absorb the cost of fixing it? This isn't conducive to meeting the bottom line; who could blame them???
I do! Shame on you Creative, your tech support monkeys gave me bad advice and it broke my device. I called them cuz their shitty software wasn't working on my new laptop and they wound up telling me to remove the firmware on the player, which totally screwed up the goddamn thing and to add insult to injury they make me pay for the repair. They refuse to acknowledge that they did anything wrong. Fucking scumbag, loser, greedy, corporate douchey boys! You're going to pay for this Creative! My minions will hunt your fat, little, piggy, corporate officers down like the Manson family and eat your guts in your summer homes on the cape. Or maybe they just won't buy any of your lousy Creative Labs, counterfeit, ghetto, Chinese, second rate, garbage, caca, products.
Final battle: Samsung. Not very good phones. Bad reception, bad battery life. the good thing is they have a one year warranty and they will replace the battery (if it tests, less than 80% (whatever!)). Bad news, no phone for about 10 days (or maybe thats good news (whatever)) and they made me send it out to them instead of sending out a replacement battery.

Remember, fight the good fight and don't let the bastards get you down. STAY ANGRY!

Sunday, January 28, 2007

More hatred, less fear

Fear is useless; whether it is fear of a trap door opening under you in the middle of Hollywood Boulevard or fear of corporate fascists who would silence you. I begin with a big shout out to Randi Rhodes who, when I can, listen to on Air America Radio. She won a case against a murderous group of butchers known as CACI International. They were the folks who brought you Abu Ghraib, though you wouldn't know it if you only watched American media outlets. Our media found a bunch of hillbilly dropouts to blame the whole thing on and these pigs at CACI, Blackwater, Titan, et. al. walked. Randi spoke truth and, though I'm certain it cost her and her employers some green, she fought it out and won.
It's the kinda story that gives me faith in the system. Though not much, because if the system had it's shit together the only ones on trial would be the gut eaters who are stealing our tax dollars in the name of liberty. Speaking of stealing tax dollars, ever wonder what happens to military surplus items? The Iranians and the Chinese use it to prepare for war against us: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/16/military.surplus.ap/
Of course, most money we spend as taxpayers goes towards positive things right? Building and re-building the infrastructure of countries we helped destroy is the American way. We have big hearts and big wallets to go with our big bombs. Unfortunately, we have become complacent in our everyday lives and the result is people doing things in our name that we wouldn't approve of: http://corpwatch.org/downloads/AfghanistanINCfinalsmall.pdf
But, none of this should come as a surprise. You are as tired as I am or your neighbor is or anyone you know is with politics. At the very least you are distracted and please don't deny it or make excuses for it, I understand. Lincoln Steffens was right, however; "we deserve the government that we have." This is as true now as it was a hundred years ago when he first wrote it. So, sit back, relax and don't worry, cuz when we all float down Hollywood Blvd. with our third degree suntans and some Jesus freak is waving a rifle at your kids on the roof of the Griffith Observatory those cocksuckers who pull the strings will fly away to their mountain top bomb shelters and ride out the apocalypse and that big ol' trap door won't be so threatening

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Part 2: The Horror... The Horror...

Sunset Boulevard is the home of emptiness. Production companies line the street for blocks and Masaratis are parked next to shopping carts and the odor of Coco Channel mixes with that of urine. It's the kind of place where the fake world of Hollywood meets the reality of shattered dream afterbirth. I vomited on a little Asian man who resembled Hunter S. Thomson and no one, including him, noticed. It was strange to walk down a stretch of street for an entire mile and see nothing that offered the human spirit any hope. Hollywood High was about the only cool thing there. It's where Stephanie Powers, Mickey Rooney and numerous other Hollywood talents went to high school; like anyone of this generation cares. The Citizens Commission of Human Rights has it's headquarters there. The latest exhibit is titled: Psychiatry, Industry of Death! Like I said, not a hint of hope for miles. I think I saw Dr. Dre and Ed Lover, the "Yo, MTV Raps" guys in front of a production studio. But, I'm not walking up to a couple of black dudes who look like Dr. Dre and Ed Lover and asking them if thats who they are. Chances are if it isn't them an ass kicking is sure to follow and I can assure you that Sunset doesn't need anymore blood on it's concrete than it already has. Probably the only exciting thing was watching a walking schitzo yell obscenities at everyone including me. Maybe we all deserve to be called cock sucking, faggot-ass, mother fuckers, shit, fuck, mother fuckers. But, I'm sure if the fella was in the right frame of mind he wouldn't be walking Sunset yelling that stuff out in the first place and I'm certain he wouldn't be sporting a black, satin, flight jacket with a Nazi Swastika lapel pin. I'm just glad he wanted to know what my "big, fat, fucking cocksucking ass was looking at?" instead of asking me what my big, fat, fucking, half-Mexican, cocksucking, ass was looking at?", cuz that might have led to me beating an insane mans, sick, crazy, ass.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Hollywood: Home of the Dumpster Dive

This is the least funniest place on earth. What the hell happened to Kimmel? He used to be funny(Man Show) according to some of you. You can't see it on this photo but etched into the building facade are the immortal words: "Masonry builds its temples among the nations and in the hearts of men". Sadly, it is now a temple of toilet humor and misogyny and home to one of the least funniest late night hosts in history, next to Carson "The ghastly doughboy" Daly. But, I think my aggression towards these bastions of Hollyweird are due to my disappointment. I was hoping 4 junkies and whores begging to be put out of their misery at every corner. It didn't happen. No vomit was involved in the writing of this post. I expected action; hot, bi-sexual, pierced up, speed ball fueled action and instead I got a neutered old goat that once had the mandibles of a California saber tooth. The dildos , tattoo parlors and bong vendors are there, but they remind one of the zit-faced teens in animal costumes at a theme park; a wandering child, wrapped in a copy of an illusion. Young, two-toned punk chicks in skin tight jeans, sport "Dead Kennedy" shirts and stare vapidly at their sandal wearing, sk8tr boy, fuck buddies. Tourists from Idaho avoid eye contact with the homeless, who incidentally are extremely docile here. Not at all like Chicago or other cold, hard cities, where the difference between a Popov poisoning and the shakes is tailing a mark for a city block. I suppose that there is a price to pay for living in a place with comfortable, year-round, weather and people with a tolerance for pitching a tent made of a tarp and two shopping carts in the middle of a sidewalk. The unspoken rule that the homeless must follow here, is to keep to themselves and stay away from the beautiful people. Depending on how far one walks down Hollywood Blvd., the allure of Thai massage parlors at once becomes overwhelming. My advice is to stay away from the ones with dark windows and void of any English writing on the outside, unless you must absolutely have your genitals fondled by a six fingered (all of them on one hand) octogenarian. Oh and about the footprints: Christopher Walken is one of the greatest American actors ever; period! And I shall take no lip from anyone concerning his status as one of the greats. So, why the hell are his precious little tootsy prints at rest next to that Philistine's, the so-called "Duke's". John Wayne was not that good of an actor. If not for his role in "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance", "True Grit" and "The Quiet Man", I would have defaced his star on the walk with a giant turd from my own ass. Face it the guy made a lot of movies but he was no Pacino. He appeals to the ugly American in us all and that will be his true legacy.


Wednesday, January 03, 2007

My Chihuahua, My Paella

AWWWWWWWW, Hell NAW!! You know you want to try my Paella! It was delicious and the pan is from Spain courtesy of my favorite conquistador, The Madrid Mangler, JuanJo. Ya can't make it in a regular frying pan, don't you dare try to make it in a wok (I will slap you) and if you try to make it in a pot you are a philistine! And Please please PLEASE, don't put a bunch of crazy shit in it. Pork, chicken, shrimp thats it! You can use lobster tails if you want to splurge and you "gots it like that". Otherwise, Sit down and enjoy the delicious taste of Spain with a bottle of "Sangre Del Torro" and the great company of your family and friends; thats what I did this New Years. i hope your's went just as well. Happy New Years! Lets hope everything gets better now that the Democrats are in charge and Saddam is gone.

Will Write for Food:

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