Welcome to V. Lazaro Zamora's Blog

Monday, February 26, 2007

Mana from Heaven

Did you know that at the last supper they ate Chik-fil-a? Or that Chick-fil-a cures cancer? Oh but it does. How bout the fact that if we were to airdrop Chick-fil-a on the Middle-East we would instantly have peace. Pour the Polynesian sauce on on any open wound and it will instantly mend. Bathe daily in the sauce and you will live for 900 years. It is the most delicious substance on earth and they are located on the West Coast, which is great news because the power of Chick-fil-a can stop earthquakes. The only thing it cannot do is revive the dead, but then if the dead were smart they would have eaten a Chick-fil-a just before dying and they wouldn't have found themselves in that position. If I could, I would marry a Chick-fil-a sangwich, cuz they are awesome. God Bless you Chick-fil-a!!!!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My Child was Nearly Exploited by Hollywood

I'm starting to worry about this Hollywood place. They will eat your young if you let them. We were at Walmart ( I suppose I deserve what I got) when we were approached by a tall, 50-something, blond with a pair of stretched back cheeks. She reminded me of Laura from the talk show of the same name, if she had been buried alive, dug up five years later, plastic wrapped and put in a pair of fitted jeans. The zombie walks up and starts telling us what a great look our kid has and how great he looks and that she does the casting for "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody" (A Zamora family favorite I should add) and won't we please come down and read for them on Sunday afternoon. She says that 2 commercials will easily pay for college and that it won't cost a thing, free parking, lots of $$$ to be made. Seeing as it's in Beverly Hills we had planned to make it a day and everyone was very excited about the prospect of making lots of money off of the hard work, good looks and exploitation of my youngling and no one more than he. Man, I had visions of Gary Coleman in my head. Watchu talkin bout Papi?
The business card for "StarKidz" in Bev Hills is full colored and beautifully laminated and shows the inside of what is supposedly the inside of their actual studio; but like most things Hollywood, it is all an illusion. A little bit of research led us to the truth. These chicken hawks are feeding off the hopes of the poor, thats why the franken-scumbag was out combing the Walmarts. It turns out that StarKidz is under investigation by the State of California and has been ripping people off for years; in fact, they haven't been able to nail down the owner of the place. She is apparently a very elusive and shadowy figure. The scam is always the same, they approach, they invite, no money exchange initially takes place, then they test your kid and his scores are off the charts. Low and behold they need 2k to keep the wheels greased and of course nothing ever comes of your kids acting career. Now the upsetting thing is that they target the poor and gullible and use their own sense of hopelessness against them. In Hollywoodland one must always be vigilant. Let this be a lesson to you. Only you should take advantage of your kidz, don't let a total stranger do it, no matter what they promise you.

Friday, February 09, 2007

WAR!!!!!!!

I have been negligent of my blogging doodys for a week, but with good cause. I have been fighting a war with corporate Amerikkka for the last two weeks.
First wave: Nintendo. These guys know customer service. The DS breaks down and I get a replacement, hassle free within a week. They sent it out in a UPS box, I send it back, everyone is happy. Too bad they are a Japanese company, cuz they would make great Americans. Hats off to Nintendo, they are the kind of company the founding fathers intended when they wrote up the Bill of Consumer Rights. God Bless em'.
Round 2: Americinn Hotels. Long story short the manager of the Wickenburg, AZ chain refuses to refund $100 to my mother in law's credit card. Hey, I called in the cancellation, its not my fault your people are retarded. I call customer relations they tell me to talk to him again. I talk to him again, blah, blah. Fuck it, write the CEO a nasty "how dare you people steal money from a little ol' lady living on a pension..." letter. Like Trump says, you want to get something done, you talk to the boss. You will give me my money back Luke Fowler, Mr. hot shot CEO. If you don't I'm finna tear yo punk ass up.
The third front and the bitch of the bunch: Creative Labs. If you ever have a choice between rinsing your genitals with battery acid and buying a Creative Labs MP3 player, i suggest the scrotum scour any day. They are the worst company in the world. Pathetic tech support, the software is pure rubbish and they don't stand behind anything they sell. Shame on you Creative. They made me give them $25 and send the device in to fix it, saying it was out of warranty. Sounds reasonable right? If it's out of warranty why should they absorb the cost of fixing it? This isn't conducive to meeting the bottom line; who could blame them???
I do! Shame on you Creative, your tech support monkeys gave me bad advice and it broke my device. I called them cuz their shitty software wasn't working on my new laptop and they wound up telling me to remove the firmware on the player, which totally screwed up the goddamn thing and to add insult to injury they make me pay for the repair. They refuse to acknowledge that they did anything wrong. Fucking scumbag, loser, greedy, corporate douchey boys! You're going to pay for this Creative! My minions will hunt your fat, little, piggy, corporate officers down like the Manson family and eat your guts in your summer homes on the cape. Or maybe they just won't buy any of your lousy Creative Labs, counterfeit, ghetto, Chinese, second rate, garbage, caca, products.
Final battle: Samsung. Not very good phones. Bad reception, bad battery life. the good thing is they have a one year warranty and they will replace the battery (if it tests, less than 80% (whatever!)). Bad news, no phone for about 10 days (or maybe thats good news (whatever)) and they made me send it out to them instead of sending out a replacement battery.

Remember, fight the good fight and don't let the bastards get you down. STAY ANGRY!

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