Welcome to V. Lazaro Zamora's Blog

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Please Make Him Stop!!!

I thought I was going to give the blog a break this week, but then I saw this little beauty.
Ok, let me just say this I understand the need to secure "fuck you" money. The fact is that it's only natural to want, as an artist, to be able to tell the world to kiss to kiss your ass. Chappelle did it and god bless him for it. But, this is too much. Lucas has gone to far and for several years now he has been asking for a fan revolt and the last straw for me has been the clone wars cartoon, where Anakin is lovingly referred to as "Sky-guy" by his padawan. FUCK THAT! HE'S DARTH FUCKING VADER, MAN! Seriously, it's too much and those dudes from South Park got it right. We can't, as much as we love all the guy has done in the past, allow the repeated violation of all those things that we loved and held sacred as children. You wouldn't stand by and allow some asshole to take a shit on the statue of liberty and charge money to see it, would you? Of course not. So, I am done with Lucas and I ask you to take a stand with me. That's it, no more and never again. I will not purchase, view, accept anything that has the Lucas brand ever again.
This is war. And I am on the side of the righteous and will defend the integrity of my boyhood idols and heroes. The Lucas is an enemy of all of those who hold the Star Wars universe sacred.
These are the terms for his unconditional surrender:
1. Effective immediately he is to relinquish all control of Lucas Arts to a board, which will have as governing members, no less than two fans who will have no interest in making money off of the Lucas brand or it's products.
2. The Lucas will have to produce, out of his pocket and with no compensation (all proceeds going to charity) three more Star Wars movies covering the events after the "Return of the Jedi". There will be no:
a) cute little fuzzy creatures
b) smart ass fuzzy creatures
c) big Hollywood stars
d) outrageous CG effects (show the the world you can still make a great sci-fi movie without them!)
3. The Lucas will issue an apology for and commit to never again selling more than one version of any Star Wars action figure and will never, ever sell peripheral characters, I don't give a fuck if you want to relive the cantina scene, you can do what we did and draw them on cardboard.
4. Finally, The Lucas will have to battle a rancor with only a skull in a huge sandpit. If a rancor is not available, a pack of wild hyenas will do the trick.
I proclaim that from this day forth all fanboys are created equal and that once the Lucas has been defeated and peace restored to the galaxy we shall hold a big party throughout the galaxy and the fucking ewoks will not be invited and Jar Jar Binx will be used as a pinata. May the Force be with you. Always.

By the Num3ers

That looks like an office and it's supposed to. But, in reality it is the set of the FBI office in Numb3rs. If you haven't seen it then please do so, it's a kick ass show and it's got math. Cool math though, like in a PI kind of way not Pointdexter who wouldn't let you cheat off him in Algebra kind of way. I am busy and so are you, so check again next week, but stay angry.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


For many years that there were grumblings about his corrupt ways; his father in law, his associates and campaign contributors. But, Blago kept up his routine of being the handsome, young, energetic dude that speaks really well in public (I've seen him on at least three different occasions). That whole Kennedy thing was really going well for him. I recall, in true Chicago politics style, liking the guy so much I had to go out and vote for him twice in the same election. Seriously, when I voted for the guy I felt that a new day was dawning in IL state politics. It seemed to me that that piece of shit Ryan was about to get his just desserts, which he did and Blago was going to fix things, which he didn't. I think like most people, who saw his potential to be great, not just for IL, but for the country (presidential bid, cough, cough) we turned a blind eye to the hi-jinx that he was being accused of and just wrote it off to his critics trying to set him up or tear him down. We liked him, we wanted him to do well because he is a son of the working class; he was the neighbor's kid that went to college. Well, guess what? We were wrong and as it turns out BLAGOJEVICH IS THE MOST CROOKED MOTHER FUCKER IN THE HISTORY OF POLITICS! That's right. What he has "allegedly" done is worse than anything Nixon did and for those of you who are keeping score, Nixon, not Bush, was the worst politician in American history until Blago went and got himself nicked. This beats that Larry Craig or Mark Foley biz all to hell. And surprise, surprise Jesse Jr. is balls deep in it too. You heard it here first: Judy Barr Topinka is going to get indicted before all the ash settles; she has a long, scary, history that is about to come back to haunt her in the worst way, I just know it!
What the hell was he thinking? I don't' care if he is found completely innocent of all charges. In my book he fucked up when he went to Republic Windows and & Doors, pledged his support for those workers then turned around and said "fuck them" on tape. Piece of shit Blago, I hope they give him a cell mate with a 10.5 incher and a bad case of satyriasis; maybe one of those Aryan types who can make no distinction between Slavs and Jews. "I want to make money" too, just like most everybody, but the difference between us and assholes like "Rod-O" is that he is willing to do whatever it takes to make a dime including, shitting on the public trust and taking the support of the people for granted. For this there will never be enough jail time served. For this he deserves to sit in a cell until his balls rot off. The only good news out of this whole thing is that we don't have to listen to what a piece of shit Sarah Palin is for wearing expensive clothes. If we are smart we will take this as an opportunity for soul searching and the catalyst for a good cleansing of the American political conscious. I suppose we should not have expected any better from a jack-off who was a law clerk for Ed Vrdolyak.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Ed Hardy ; The Tommy Hilfiger of Tomorrow

Over priced, LA douchey-boy (and girl) street gear has migrated from the boutique to a department store near you. Ed Hardy is worn by two types: people too chicken shit to get a real tattoo and people who are ashamed of the ink they actually have. If you get the douche chills whenever you see a rhinestone covered skull with sequins daggers through it, you have the king of douchery, Brett Michaels to thank. How do you take something as scary, counter-culture, and down right kick ass as a tat and turn it into something that bored housefraus pay top dollar for? You take a worn out purveyor of their teenage masturbatory daydreams and make a bunch of aged, trailer park, skanks chase him around the boob tube for a couple of seasons. The sad thing is that there is an Ed Hardy in Frisco who does some rad work. Sadly enough, those pathetic rags are a warning that getting noticed for being bad ass at what you do can be a two edged blade. Along with fame and glory comes the risk of having 40 year old jack-offs own and advertise your life's work which, if history is a good indicator, can only lead to to your downfall as an artist and being heckled in public. Maybe some mad genius out there wants to do the world a favor and devise a tattoo removal laser that will turn to ash the trucker caps, boots, jeans, hoodys, dildos, bongs and whatever other tzotchkes they slap those cliche'd "bad boy" designs on. Imagine a miniature death star, but instead of taking out whole planets, it zaps the universe clean of middle-aged, ass wipes.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Way Off Target

There is nothing worse than a young horny man, except for maybe a young horny man working a cash register. If it turns out that the young man also has Aspergers Syndrome http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/mental-health-aspergers-syndrome, then look for somewhere else to shop. The story:

Windex, Windex... where's the fucking Windex, Windex... Voila'! I head to the register and see a wide open one with a pretty brunette working the keyboard and laser scanner. Her candy shelves are a bit disorganized, but she's sweet enough, though not for sale, and I decide to make a b-line for her lane. A Mexican family of 16 with four carts full of everything from power tools to white patent leather shoes, cuts me off and the pretty brunette frowns and sighs and stands erect to greet them with a smile that's only worth 7 bucks an hour. Goddamn Mexicans. I don't see any rubbers in that cart. I move on. My only other choice is a lane where the cashier is leaning against her arm and the flashing white light above her lane announces to her Target puppet masters, Help me... the shit has hit the fan... help me... This asshole doesn't want the hemorrhoid creme after all... help me... people are no longer staring down at their feet and are starting to give me mean looks... help me! A light above a register comes on. I move quickly and almost make it to the freshly opened register before a strawberry blond with tiny, scattered, moles all over her neck and cheek cuts me off with a cart full of merchandise. I wonder to myself, if I lick those little buggers will they come off her neck? She stares down at her cart and starts unloading travel sized tooth paste, shampoo, conditioner, soap, Tampax. She's going on a trip, so she must be in too much of a rush to see that all I have is a bottle of Windex. Goddamn white girl. I don't see any rubbers in that cart. She's standing in front of her cart and bending forward to reveal that the tiny moles stretch further down her anatomy than I thought and they accentuate the tight curves of her 20 something breasts. The flashing light goes solid and the smiles come back to the people in the frenzied cashier's lane, but I decide to stay put for the obvious perverted reasons. The blip of the scanner brings the blonde's show to an end and she pulls forward to the cashier who has obviously taken notice of the tiny moles himself. He's a young descendant of Incan warriors with dark skin and a repaired cleft palate and from the look on his face I can tell he needed to get laid desperately. He is busy devouring the eye candy when he notices me watching him, Goddamn pervert. I don't see any rubbers in your future.
Hey aren't you Hurley from Lost?" His asshole must have been cleft as well. The blond laughs and I notice the crows feet on the corners of her eyes.
"No, man. I ain't Hurley. Are you Ernie from Sesame Street?" The blond laughs even harder.
He ignores the counter-punch,
"I bet you get that alot."
"Never heard it before now." The blond senses the annoyance in my voice and wipes the smile off of her face with a hand and stares at the cashier who is revealing a rotted tooth and the cruel effects of dyspepsia on enamel.
"You never know around here. We got some Lakers living around here in Redondo. You should have just said 'yes'. You'd have people asking for your autograph and wanting to take pictures with you. You could even get the ladies that way." He motions to the blond with the feminine hygene spray he had just scanned through and she looks at him through squinted eyes; Im not that easy, asshole.
I waste no time asserting my masculinity, "I have my hands full as it is." The blond turns and looks at me like I'm the new asshole in her life and the cashier goes back to scanning her goods.
"You're going on a trip. I can tell." He holds up a tooth brush case and the blond smiles and nods. "Tommorrow," she says. The cashier nods and smiles back and keeps scanning.
I think of the misery this young girl is in for and decide to rub it in, "Tommorrow? You're flying tommorrow? That's completley mental. How can you fly on Thanksgiving?" The blond sighs and smiles and gently shakes her head, "I'm going to Vancouver. We don't have Thanksgiving in Vancouver."
I begin to wonder if there is truth to those blond jokes I've heard, "Yeah, but there's LAX to deal with."
"Do you think it will be bad?" There has to be truth to those jokes.
"Uhh... yeah!" Maybe I was trying to relate to her or maybe my anger at "Ernie the Incan scanner God" had lowered my IQ a few points, but in either case I took notice that I had just turned into a 16 year old suburban, mall-rat.
"I used to work there. I should know." The kid wasn't giving up on his "conveyer belt" sex fantasy that easily.
"Oh? they have a Target there?" The blond chuckles softly at my cock blocking effort.
She asks, "So, you think they will be busy?"
"Well... Let's just say..." The kid trails off and his lack of a quick wit makes for an awkward moment of silence.
"I think the word 'yes' is what you're looking for." The blond looks confused, how did he know what the other guy was trying to say? He must read minds.
"Yeah. You're going to be busy tommorrow."
"Oh wow! Well, I got a lot of packing to do. I guess I better go earlier than I had planned."
The cashier smiles and hands the blond her reciept, "You have a great trip."
"Thanks," the blond eagerly rushes off to get ready for her ride on the big, magic, shiny tube.
The cashier's smile has faded. He reaches over, scans my Windex and without any joy says, "$2.82".
I see the sadness in his face. The girl left without loving him or giving him a phone number or offering to take him to Vancouver with him. He would stay at that stupid register and scan and turn the panic light on when he ran out of nickels. He would go home and jerk off and think of those tiny moles and wish he had a pretty girlfriend who laughed at his jokes. I felt like an asshole for having tried to belittle him in front of his dream girl.
I handed him three dollars, "Here you go, man."
"Eighteen cents is your change. Thanks for shopping Target... Hurley."

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Morning After

Now that the election is over and I have had a few moments to have sobered up after the one of the greatest victories in history, I can write a short entry here to say what a great thing it is that BO won. It was one of the quickest victories I had ever seen, with McCain conceding his loss only a few short hours after the polls closed. It's great that Barack won and I can't tell you how awesome it feels to be an American again. I am so proud of this country and yes, I admit it, I got a lump in my throat and felt emotional when it was announced that he won the race. Speaking of race did you notice that the highest concentration of McCain votes were in the Southern enclave of racist idiots known as the bible belt? hmmm? Anyway, it is a great thing to see our country put it's money where it's mouth is and we can claim a great thing now. Name another country where a member of an impoverished minority, became the top dog? It's never happened anywhere else, not any socialist or communist country (Evo and Hugo were not members of a minority group, before you start sending me corrections). It is time for hard work, intellectualism and ingenuity not just profit driven production to assume
it's rightful place in the American landscape. We can go back to making fun of numbskulls who think that libraries are stupid and that jesus rode dinosaurs 6 thousand years ago when the earth was created. Now just one question; if we were voting for change, why so many goddamn Clinton people in the incoming administration and why is there now talk about BO going back on his promise to make the rich pay their fair share? Somebody hand me a bloody mary, I got a feeling I'm going to have to pay even closer attention to this administration than I did Bush.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Not This Time, Bi-otch!

It's Over Johnny! It's Over!
No shenanigans, no recount, no hanging chads, No robocalls, no commercials with ominous black guys that want to gut you while you sleep, no heavily mascaraed Sec. of State, no supreme court, NOTHING! Do you hear me? Nothing, will stop us. We are taking back this country! No bullshit is going to stop the eminent victory of Barack Obama on Tuesday! GET YOUR ASS TO A VOTING BOOTH ON TUESDAY AND DO NOT DELAY! Now all we will need is the 60 super majority and this country can start the long trek back to decency that we have been missing for the last 8 years.
NOTE: If they let us down this time, they have no excuses. They have been given the tools, the power and the political collateral to change things for the better. If they screw up it is their fault, not ours! The Dems have the world by the balls. I just hope they don't do the typical liberal thing and start infighting and openly criticising each other; unity must be their game plan. Cuz if they blow it, I swear I will not hesitate to go back to voting Republican.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Raise Your Hands Part Deux

Some of you have been hatin' on me since my first post concerning race relations and this election. As usual, I predicted this would get racial and ugly before long. Calling BO a "Terrorist" and saying "he's an Arab" are just the beginning of this depravity. I'm not angry at white folk. I repeat, when the race war starts, if you have been cool with me, I will vouch for you. However, I believe that this is a pivotal moment for y'all. The fact that even die hard conservatives like Chris Buckley, who was probably taught to read "Conscious of a Conservative" before he was potty trained and beaten with the hardcover when he didn't "Get it Right", are all abandoning ship, should tell you something; It's time to admit that you are having a hard time with a black dude as president. What more do you need? Let's break this down. You have an old man, with a shitty temper and a penchant for making shittier decisions, who has chosen to run for presidency with a slow witted weasel with a fast and untrustworthy tongue. She, who makes Bush look like a Rhodes Scholar, has decided to avoid giving any honest answers on the campaign trail, instead choosing to use inflammatory language to scare people. The result of all of this has been one disastrous campaign stop after the other for McCain and it appears that BO will win by a major landslide, and his party will gain a SUPER majority in both houses. You have a great opportunity here, if you are white and are hellbent on voting for McCain. You can face the truth and come to terms with your fears or you can continue fooling yourself into believing that McCain is the candidate you have been waiting for all your life and the one man who will best represent you in Washington. You will be part of a historic campaign regardless of who you vote for. My only hope for you is that you will be on the right side of history.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

"Shakespeare For Everybody"

I'm baaaaaaaack.
Just started skool. This makes me Kool.
The rest of the kids can drool.
Thank god I ain't no fool.

I got nothing else.

Lot's of work. Lot's of reading. This insomnia is going to kill me.

Must... write... play.
Must... write... story.
Must... write... more....

It has been a tough first week. But, very rewarding. I'm with writers, doing writer things. I am a writer, doing writer things. Mostly writing and talking about writing and films and culture and movies and all the stuff I like to talk about with friends when I'm out drinking. Except, now I get paid and there is no beer involved unless it's after class. I can't wait for next semester; a media class that involves the role of video games in pop culture. My nipples just got hard.
Favorite question: So, what's your genre??
Favorite answer: Whatever comes out, man!
Will check in again soon. Maybe after I have first act down and at least 15 pages of descriptive narrative.
Writing the blog is a fucking reward?? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

End Scene

Saturday, September 27, 2008

It's over Johnny... It's Over!!!

So much for the shoddy stunt work McCain tried to pull earlier this week. He returned to Washington after suspending his campaign, because he was going to save us all from the mess he had help to create back in the 90s. What a bunch of bullshit. Like we're that stupid. What could you expect from a guy who picked Sarah Palin to watch his back. By the way, is she ever going to be allowed to say anything to anyone on any subject. She totally hosed her interview with Katie Couric. Considering that Palin won't be talking to anyone else, something she needs to do in order to sharpen her senses, between now and her scheduled debate with Biden, I seriously doubt she's going to be impressive either. Watch closely folks, this is what happens when a politician compromises his beliefs for power. What a train wreck that campaign has turned out to be. Far worse than I could have imagined it. It's sad to see a guy like McCain fall flat on his ass. Especially since he might break his hip. The debate was his last opportunity to bring some mojo back to his campaign and he totally blew it. If I sound like i feel bad for McCain, I do. I actually liked him in 2000 and would have voted for him because he was moderate and at that time a real maverick. Now he's just another rich, old, white guy who wants to be president.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I Want to Watch it All Come Down.

Now I'm not one to gloat or say I told you so, but if you read my blog back in March you were well prepared for the fiasco that has taken place on Wall street. Henry Paulson, GWB's man on point, has screwed the pooch. He did what was expected of a Bush appointee. Last week he tells us everything is cool and that the market is going to recover. This week of course, he has to come out and admit that everything is fucked and we are headed towards the worse crash since the great depression. Now, I'm not an economic genius. In fact, I can't balance my checkbook. But I know when I'm being bullshitted. Apparently some folks out there aren't as good at detecting bovine turds, because so many of them signed up for mortgages that they very clearly could never afford, to live in homes they had no way to afford; that we taxpayers are going to get screwed once again. Paulson, wants to save the economy by making us pay for the greed and stupidity that Wall street has been engaging in since the days of Bill Clinton (best Republican President, ever!). Of course, he also wants us to cover the pay offs to the millionaire fuck heads who have been stealing and ruining the company's that we now have to bail out.
Personally, the way I see it they owe us money. Guys like Ken Lay (may demon dogs tear at his soul for eternity) were just the tip of the iceberg and should have been a warning that the economic policies that loosened regulation on everything from banking, to trading, to paying corporate taxes needed to be revoked and those fat cats needed to be put under heel to avoid this very thing. If it were up to me people like Dennis Kozlowski (Tyco), Jeff Skilling (Enron) and now Daniel Mudd (Fannie Mae) and Richard Syron (Freddie Mac) would be dipped in chicken blood and thrown in a room with hungry badgers. Think about this, if you burnt the fries, spit in the burgers and pissed in the milkshakes your ass would be fired from any fast food joint. These thieving mother fuckers get million dollar bonuses for ripping off the American public and now we are supposed to give them money so they can keep doing it?? Not no, brothers and sisters; HELL NO!!!
So, how far are we from thunderdome? Assholes like Paulson and Bush think they are insulated. They may be right. But, you can be certain of one thing, as long as the world spins out of control, the pieces of shit who pull the strings have no place safe to hide for very long. The road is long but littered with burned out dune buggys and blood stained football pads. And McCain has the balls to say to us, "You wanna get out of here? You talk to me." That filthy bag of shit held Clinton's feet to the fire and forced him to sign the de-regulation legislation 10 years ago that started all of this. Fuck him! We do need another hero. Ok, enough Mad Max references. You get the point. We are in deep shit and we need accountability, regulation and above all to put an end to the root cause of this type of bullshit; the lie that the all America needs is greed.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

All In Favor of McCain-Palin, Raise Your Hands

Let's be honest for a moment. For as long as there have been political candidates there have been white men willing to exploit race; the Hispanic vote, Black vote, woman's vote etc...; we didn't make that shit up, they did. Candidates have had to sell not just their ideas, but what they were going to do for each of us as a group, however it is that we have identified ourselves. This has led to pandering by assholes who never keep any of their promises and always have an excuse for not pulling the trigger when it comes time to support legislation we ask for. Case in point, John McCain, like so many of his ilk, says that the Republican party is the party of inclusion and that he will bring about change. Ok, except that he voted against making MLK's birthday a national holiday. Another example is how those Cubans down in South Florida have been promised the head of Fidel Castro by every Republican in the state for the last 40 years. They just love the GOP down there, but those knuckleheads haven't seen one gray hair of that cocksucker's beard, yet.
So here we are at a point in human history where after having rich, white guys in gaudy ties ask us minorities for decades to support them, the tables are turned. And apparently some of crackers have a problem with this. It's really fucked up that you can't get over the fact that he's black.
We got a black dude that is running for the highest office and more important than the fact that he is black, he's one of us; a son of the working class. Forget that Muslim non-sense, it's not true. Forget the Tony Rezko connection, it's overblown. Forget Hillary, it's over and it's not his fault that she lost. This is a guy who came up from nothing. He had every road block imaginable placed in front of him and he still overcame; a real pull yourself up by the bootstraps kinda story that Americans love to hear.
I have to say this to people who won't vote for him; BO is the candidate of decent, hard working American men and women. He is clearly qualified, despite what you hear about his lack of years in the senate and has a sincerity about righting the wrongs of the last 30 years. McCain and Palin are more of the same; point blank! I don't recall seeing or hearing of a ticket being so fucked up in all my years of following politics, and I was around for Bush/Quayle (that was a fucking miracle for them). So, either you fall into that 30% category of die hard, Bush supporting, crackpots that think everything is just fine or you are a racist piece of shit at heart. I say this with no attempt at being glib or trying to anger anyone. I'm trying to shame you into realizing that you have an opportunity to prove race really doesn't matter to you and you are going to blow it. The fact is, that a vote for McCain, just like a vote for Bush in 00 and 04, is a vote against your own working class interests. Why would you vote against a guy that wants to bring jobs back to your community, lower your taxes and make the corporations finally start paying their fair share, put this country on the right track towards energy independence without doing more damage to the environment, make health care accessible and affordable? Seriously, if you are holding down a job making less then $250 a year, BO is your guy. And if you have a larger income then that, the fact is that under Bill Clinton (who's tax rate BO proposes to use on the MEGA WEALTHY) you didn't exactly suffer or starve and you made plenty of dough even though your taxes were SLIGHTLY higher(that's a genuine fact).
So, what other explanation can there be? "I just don't like/trust him"; I've heard that one. It's code for "He's black and he'll make us pay for all the bad shit we did." "He's too liberal"; that one's code too for, "He's black and he'll make us pay for all the bad shit we did." "He wants abortion/stem cell research/gay marriage"; that one's code for, "He's black and he'll make the homos make us pay for all the bad shit we did."
It's time for a reality check. Yes, he's black. But then, as the French say, if you are not an elitist belonging to the investment class of this country, SO ARE YOU (Petit Blanc is the term, look it up you lazy fucker)!
Get over it.
Still not convinced there is racism and divisive politics at play in this election? Thanks for making my point for me "Family Research Council". You bunch of backwards, redneck, scumbags.:
Stiiiillll not convinced???? Palin quoted a declared and confirmed racist neo-fascist who wanted to see JFK murdered in her acceptance speech:
Dude, no doubt about it; these people are fucked up.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

He's Doing it Again...

Fucking Ralph Nader, man! He's trying to ruin this country for his own gain once again. Apparently he is biting into BO's lead in a couple of swing states. I hate that fucking guy. I always have. I'm not falling for that working class super hero bullshit of his, he's a dickhead with too much time on his hands. He wrote a book about how some cars blow up. Big fucking deal! That was 40 years ago. I bet if you totaled up the number of corpses caused by those cars and the number of dead the Bush administration has been responsible for, you'd see a huge disparity. The difference is that AMC didn't kill people intentionally. Ralph Nader has the same blood on his hands as Bush because he refuses to fuck off once and for all. He really needs to let it go.
A letter went out via his website:

Please do our country a favor and bugger off. You are a has been and you are going to ruin things again. Go play with your grand children or teach ESL classes at a rec center somewhere. I hate the two party system as much as you, but I hate republicans even more. For the sake of all that is righteous and decent about the American way of life and the future of our children, leave now and never come back.
I beg you,
VL Zamora
Torrance, CA

I await his response.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Grand Old Honky Party - Way of the Dinosaur

Jesus Christ, have you ever seen so many old, white, mother fuckers in your life? It looked more like a crypt keeper convention than a political one. Seriously, they couldn't find a single person of color to speak or even put in the crowd? What ever happened to J.C. Watts of Oklahoma? They used to bring him out, smiling and waving, and he would convince white America that black people weren't all that bad. They would tout him as the future of the party and praise his conservative values. Maybe they were just thankful he never impregnated any white women or in any case it was all an act because now, apparently, the future of the party is a woman named Sarah Palin. She gave a boring speech, written for her by GOP operatives, that only a miserable housefrau could find inspiring. When she wasn't being cynical, lying about her record or tugging at the heart strings of over-eating housewives, she was giving us her one solution to every problem America has: drill, drill, drill. Terrorism, drill. Economics, drill. Global warming, drill. Painful rectal itching, drill. Truth be told, I couldn't help thinking about drilling while watching her mouth move. Every time she smacked or licked her lips I had an urge to turn her off and go watch my bukakke videos. And those eyeglasses reminded me of this fetish porn that I once watched where this librarian... ahem, I digress. Seriously, who cares if she's a total sex pot and a cougar? The woman is the fucking anti-christ and the worst choice for a sidekick since Judas, so don't let the little head punch the card in November just cause you'd like to bend her over the podium and pull her hair back while thrusting and grinding your hips into her over and over and over... ahem... sorry bout that!
McCain on the other hand gave the expected boring, horse shit speech. I can't believe this guy now has the balls to say he is all about change after spending 8 years voting in lock step with GWB. How full of shit is he?? Better yet, how stupid does he think people are? I have to agree with Peggy Noonan his choice for VP is political bullshit. He drew our attention for a couple moments and now that we have had time to look this ticket over it's obvious that she was picked because running against BO with McCain is going to be political suicide. In fact, running against the Dems this year, anywhere, is bound to be a career ender. I see gains in both houses for the Dems in every state and I'll just call it now; Obama by a landslide. If there is one thing I know about winning political campaigns it is that they are not about who comes out to vote, but who stays home the first Tuesday in November. McCain has given Republicans, moderates and even real conservatives (not the holy rolling, Rush Limbaugh, retarded nazi crowd that has taken control of the party) reason to play hooky that day.

Friday, August 29, 2008

A M.I.L.F. in Every Home!

Put aside the fact that no one knows who the fuck Sarah Palin is outside of Alaska. Put aside the fact that she is the first Republican female vice president nominee, ever. Put aside the fact that she hates polar bears and wants to put an oil well on every square foot of Alaskan soil. Forget that she has been charged with ethical hijinx in her state since the beginning of her political career. The reality is that she is a hot piece of ass! Now I know that's not a very in-depth analysis or even very mature, but she is the first politician to ever give me wood. So, though I may be taking a big ol' shit on her over the next few weeks, I just want to go on record as giving credit to McCain, (just this once) for making a smart move. Let's face it, he threw us for a loop and has actually drawn attention to his campaign by picking Stiffler's mom as a running mate. Of course, once you actually look into her as a VP choice it turns out she's a fucking train wreck. I thought he was going to pick some old shriveled up piece of confederate cabbage for a running mate and instead he makes the brilliant decision to pick someone that would make any NASCAR fan drop trou in a moment. It's interesting, especially because it appears to confirm that in today's political climate you have to have a minority on the ticket. We should have a Chicano President any time now (ODELAY, RAZA!!!). I hear that Sarah Palin actually plays the flute. I wonder if she ever attended band camp?
By the way, did you see the "American Promise" speech BO gave on Thursday evening? If you didn't you really should. I'm a hard boiled political junkie and I am usually the first one to yell "Bullshit" when I hear it. But, this was just an amazing speech. It was reminiscent of Ronnie Reagan in the sense that, BO just laid it all out and made you feel good to be an American. He shot a few rounds over the bow of the "Straight Talk Express" and put those assholes on notice that he wasn't going to take any "Swift boat" bullshit from them. He showed that he is ready. Man, I can't wait until this guy is president!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

This Probably Won't Help But...

Would the Hillary supporters please shut this window and go read the Huffington Post or the NYT online. We'll wait, it's no problem... I'll be here next week with something funny or interesting to say that won't offend you... Ok, are they gone? Good. What a bunch of swollen pussies those people are. Can you believe them?? Jesus, She fucking lost get over it! What the fuck is wrong with those people?? It's like the fate of the fucking country is resting upon the ability of stupid children to learn how to share. Clearly these assholes don't have any sense of decency or loyalty. And I'm not talking about the Democratic party. I'm talking about human decency and loyalty to our country. Fuck the Democratic party. These days they're just as bad as the GOP and have clearly not learned a fucking thing from their nearly 14 year exile. Joe Biden is not exactly what I was hoping for. The guy has a great record but let's face it, he's not the CHANGE we are being told we can BELIEVE in. The problem with these Hillaristas is that they haven't got a sense of fair play. Kind of like Hillary. This coming election is about issues. McCain wants to keep us in Iraq for the next 100 years, Barack doesn't; McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns, Barack does; a McCain presidency promises to be an extended play of the same shitty, fascist agendas of the last 30 years, Barack clearly wants to shake things up a bit. So, why is it so hard for the Hillaristas to give it up, close ranks and move forward? I think examining who these fucking people are might be constructive. Let's see, for the most part they have been described as suburban, females with families of two or more that have white collar jobs or a husband who carries all the weight. In other words, they are the bored, clap traps that you see when you take a day off from work and go into a Target or Starbucks to hang out for awhile. You know, they have the work out clothes on, even though they don't go to the gym or they have the hottest new phones with earpiece, even though they're hands are always free because they DON'T DO FUCKING SHIT ALL DAY! Seriously, gals, you need to get a fucking life. Go work with blind kids or better yet volunteer to work a few hours a week on a political campaign. I hear there's this really great candidate named Barack that wants to make our country a better place, he could sure use the help. Vote for McCain? What the fuck is wrong with them? There's much more at stake right now then Hillary and Bill's tired ass agenda. If the constitution means anything to you, if sending young men and women to their deaths matters to you, if you think the common person who is struggling to keep their home is worth standing up for then, for fucks sake, how can you say you are a Democrat who intends to vote for McCain because it ain't Hillary? Jesus, get your fucking head examined!!!

UPDATE: This is a great link showing a couple of these nutcases in action. It's great to see a diseased mind fall apart on CNN:

Thursday, August 14, 2008

... Seen Eating Shit While he Fucked a Dead Goat.

This asshole is Jerome Corsi. For those of you who don't know him he has a Ph.D from Harvard and is a right wing bigot who has written a number of trashy books used to spread lies about people, nations and institutions that he doesn't like. He uses innuendo to make his point and though i refuse to read the non-sense that his asshole publisher apparently doesn't have time to fact check, i understand that he uses alot of what right wing bloggers and fascist websites print as footnotes. This is the same guy who took a big shit on John Kerry a few years back. Since then, that book has been discredited and exposed for a pack of lies. Though sugar balls over here has already been called out and his lies have all been revealed, he has refused to go away. Now, he has a book on the NY Times best seller list, which attacks BO with lie after lie. He accuses BO of being a Muslim, and of having been a drug abuser while serving in the senate, just to name a couple of lies this douchebag is trying to spread. You know all those fucked up emails you get accusing Obama of being everything short of a child molester? Basically, this fucking jag off uses those for research in this book. He does stuff like accuse BO of having connections to violent, radical, left wing organizations like the Weather Underground. When challenged, as he was by Paul Waldman of Media Matters on Larry King, he quickly backs down by saying things like, "I'm just asking the question"; what an asshole! How this idiot got published is no mystery. Simon and Schuster is no different than most publishing houses, in that they see $ as a priority over literary integrity. The saddest thing about this is that there are enough idiots out there that want to believe this garbage that they will buy this asshole's book, regardless of what a bunch of bullshit it is or the fact that the author is a joke in the literary and academic world. So, next time you see, "Obama Nation" on the book stand just keep walking because I heard that the author was high on PCP when he wrote it and that he was actually seen by some mongolian tourists jamming a 14 inch red dildo up his ass and blowing an asian lady boy on his dead mother's grave while, cutting off the heads of Mexican babies and eating their brains. Or it could have been another guy; I'm just asking the question could it have been him????

Monday, August 11, 2008

Wait... Aren't They All a Bunch of Commies???

This is the danger in fighting illegal wars. Here's a news flash: The U.S. has always struck preemptively. It's the way we have always done things. The gun boat diplomacy that destroyed harbors and port cities from Korea to Hawaii and everything in between since after the civil war, was just that; unjustifiable aggression in the name of open markets, territorial acquisition or just plain ol' shits and giggles. What sets these past acts of of arrogance apart is that we did them on the down low. We made ourselves out to be the victims or we made the argument that we were trying to bring the savages up to speed with the rest of the Western world or we just denied involvement and used money and covert action to stack the deck in our favor. This brings us to our current situation. We were warned that we would forever lose the moral high ground that the US has always been able to maintain, despite our past, if we invaded Iraq. Now it seems that the Russians are out to kick some ass in their own backyard. This isn't Chechnya where there was a credible threat and an argument could be made that the region's resources were of great importance to the Russians. This is Georgia; who aside from having a long history of pissing off Moscow, isn't really much of a threat. They are out-numbered, out-gunned and despite appearing to be holding their own (thanks, i should add, to their US military training) in the face of a brutally violent invasion, are bound to have their asses handed to them in this conflict. The Russians are using the old Rhineland defense for the invasion; "those are our people. We will protect them at all costs." And the rhetoric sounds the same as that of Washington prior to our invasion of Iraq (regime change, accusations of ethnic cleansing and ignoring the world's criticism). There was a time when we would have threatened to invade Russia, moved some troops around in Turkey, sent in a couple of carrier groups and the Russians would have shit and run. Now, things are different. We have a president that is a joke and a military that is bogged down in two unpopular and illegal (YES, ILLEGAL) wars. The Russians are now fighting their own war against terrorism and have called our bluff. Our initiative is lost. We cannot aid an ally. Our stock has dropped once again. Anyone still feel like voting for John McCain? Anyone still feel like voting?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

For the Record... FUCK CHINA!

Here's a fucked up little tidbi;, George Bush refused to set foot in Greece at the last Olympics. GREECE, you know, birthplace of democracy and the home of saganaki (yum). Yet, he's proudly announced that there is no way he would ever miss out on the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. China, excuse me COMMUNIST China, is the worst, modern police state in the world. They have forced labor of children, imprisonment of social, political and religious activists, many of whom are sentenced to death and they have illegally occupied a sovereign nation for several decades, not to mention that they spy on their people in a way that would make that whole telecom thing look like a booger in my moo-shu. I know the Dalli Lama is full of shit. If he were restored to power he'd create his own little theocratic dictatorship, so fuck him too. But, for Christ's sake, China excuse me COMMUNIST China, has one of the worst human rights records on the planet and has for decades. Forget all that bullshit Lou Dobbs talks about these commie bastards trying to take over the world and destroying the middle class of our country. Our country's middle class has worse enemys trying to destroy it, including that biggoted asshole. Forget that the Chinese are so backwards that they honestly believe that the cure for everything from acne to Aids is powdered animal penis (I'd hate to be anything with fur and testicles in that country). China, excuse me COMMUNIST China, is one of the worst places on the planet to live if you have an opinion. I would be in prison right now if I had been born Chinese. That's because only the scared and the stupid can get by in a place like that. So, for every one of those people in their country that can't say it, I'll say it for you, FUCK CHINA!!!
I know we don't play fair when it comes to our trading practices; America plays the victim all the time when it comes to making money. We fuck people all over the world and pretend zero accountability is our birth right. It's been that way since we traded 12 beads for all of Manhattan Island. I know it and if you have been reading me long enough, so do you. But, China, excuse me COMMUNIST China, with the help of it's enablers like the Bush administration and money hungry corporations like Walmart, have been fucking not only Americans, but their own people as well. Last I checked the Chinese were among the worst paid, worst protected, most injured and killed on the job site and least skilled or educated workers world wide, thanks to their own government. So, for those of us who haven't got the balls to say it, I'll say it, FUCK GREEDY AMERICAN CORPORATIONS AND POLITICIANS! China, excuse me COMMUNIST China has a long way to go before it is deserving of the presitge and respect that comes with hosting the Olympics, at least in my book. But, then it shouldn't surprise anyone that these crafty, little, commie, fuckers are pulling this off; they've managed to deceive the American public into buying their shitty, mass produced, poison-laced, fire hazardous, plastic garbage for decades. Oh wait, that's Walmart isn't it? Who can tell the difference these days??

Monday, July 21, 2008

The War is Over... If You Ignore it

History has a way of repeating itself. Posters like this one were used as propaganda in war on all sides of the fight. The Nazi's showed us as weaklings. We showed them as barbarians. You get the picture. Though the one seen here is obviously a parody, what they try to do is drive people into categories; those that are with us, or those that are with the enemy. GW's legacy will be that he pushed our nation into these categories more than any other person in the history of our country. While the wars rage on and people are being ground up, our constitution is being tampered with in ways that the founding fathers would find revolting. Remember the FISA fiasco that took place for nearly two years before anyone even noticed? Yeah, the one that gave the government the right to tap your phone without permission or probable cause. Well, while you continued to worry about who wears what lapel pins, the Department of Justice came up with another brilliant little plan to use the constitution as toilet paper. It seems that waterboarding might be an option soon for anyone who decided to be born of Middle-East decent. The headline says it all:
"Terror profiling without evidence considered in U.S."

Read the whole story here:
No really, please read it. It's disturbing. From what I have seen the only paper interested in printing the story is USA Today. Don't worry if you are too busy to read it, get angry, call a senator or write GW a letter wishing him good ridance . The media ignored the FISA story and they will ignore this one also. Now, if they would only ignore the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Oh, I forgot. They already do.

Monday, July 14, 2008

A Bad Week For Assholes

That evil, pigfucking, racist, bag of shit Jesse Helms is finally dead. If there is a Satan, he is being gang raped in hell by some of the innocent victims of his pathetic ideology. Don't feel bad for that asshole and don't think that just because he is dead he deserves to be remembered as a saint. Aside from his constant attacks against people of color, homosexuals and intellectualism he was a hypocrite of the highest caliber who said in an interview, as recently as 1981, "crime rates and irresponsibility among Negroes are a fact of life which must be faced". Not in 51', 81'. Fuck Jesse Helms and Piss on his memory! My one hope is that in years to come his gravesite is used as a place where weary travelers going through that shit-hole state of North Carolina can relieve their bowels and bladders.
The next asshole is no less full of shit but of the same ilk as Helms. Fellow Republican and shit bag extraordinaire Phil Gramm called us (Yes, US, you and ME) a nation of whiners. Now, I might be inclined to agree with him if he were talking about millenials or professional baseball players, but his comments were directed at us because we little people think that $5 gas, a million fore-closed houses, rampant unemployment, a looming banking crisis' and fighting 2 illegal wars at the same time is bullshit. Of course, in typical fuck-face fashion he back peddled and said he wasn't talking about Mr. and Mrs. America. Bullshit! He showed his true colors and I suspect that he voiced the opinion of the common Republican in that diseased, whorehouse we know as the U.S. Congress. Fuck Phil Gramm and shit on John Mccain for having a douche bag for an economics expert on his election team. Gramm deserves to be stripped naked and be eaten alive by rabid hyenas.
Lastly, Jesse Jackson. I kinda like Jesse. He was a guy who stuck his neck out and took alot of shit so that his people could move forward. I admire that. But, there was a time that a political or social leader ran things then they went away and let the young, motivated lions fight the fight. Of course, Jesse is an asshole for saying that Barack talks down to black people when he asks them to practice personal accountability. Personal accountability is good thing for all. But, who then am I angry at? The stupid, fucking, jagoffs at FOX that have targeted Barack Obama with racist rhetoric, a relentless character assassination campaign and rhetorical thugery of the worst kind. Fuck FOX, especially Bill "Loofah" O'Reilly, for using underhanded, scumy tactics to try and derail the democratic process. Yeah, Jesse said some stupid bullshit, but the fact that he was whispering to the guy sitting next to him speaks to the fact that it was a private conversation and O'Reilly, true to his shitbag form, used the video to try and embarass Jesse and Barack.
What a bunch of fucking assholes one and all!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Legalizing Murder

It's always Texas, isn't it?
Some old codger went and killed two dirt bags who were stealing shit from his neighbor's house. Now, I'm all for people owning guns and protecting their shit and their lives (and their shitty lives), but this is fucked up. Apparently the law in Texas allows people to go around shooting anyone who comes on to their property. That's about all there is to it. If someone doesn't like you and you step onto their property they can kill you! Of course, the reasonable assumption is that you would have to be committing a crime at the time, but dead men tell no tales. So, 62 year old Joe Horn decided that he was going to go out on his front porch and shoot a couple of guys IN THE BACK, Texas vigilante style! I'm sorry but something isn't right here. No grand jury indictment?? At least, at the very fucking least, there should be a felony "unlawful use of a weapon". I don't understand this. The DA in that part of Texas must be a real inept turd to get this thrown out without so much as a fine. The fact is that the guy killed 2 people and there isn't going to even be a trial to make sure he was justified??? No facts will be brought forth to show that he SHOT TWO PEOPLE IN THE BACK? Jesus, I suppose we should expect this from the state that gave us the worst president EVER. What a shitty place Texas is. They have some of the most poverty stricken counties in the United States, they allow drugs and illegal immigrants to pour through their border and they have some of the worst social services in the country and let's not forget that they execute more people on death row then all the other states combined. Bestiality is legal but, gay sex (consensual) isn't in Texas. Jesus, what a sad place, you can fuck your horse but not your cowboy. Only in a hell hole like Texas would it be o.k. to shoot people IN THE BACK. I mean let's face it, on every corner of the planet shooting people in the back is an act of cowardice or terrorism and it's been that way since there were guns. Apparently, in Texas it's good law.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Pussy Farts!!

This was supposed to be a happy post cuz it's my 101st but then George Carlin up and dies. He really was my hero. I used to watch him from when I was a kid and got to see him live for the first time last year. It was a weird thing to see someone who had been as self destructive as he was, bring so much happiness to people. I felt a prophetic urge to see him because i figured that it was only a matter of time before we lost him and now I don't feel so bad about blowing the $80 to have seen him. He was a God among maggots and hacks who weren't fit to call themselves comedians. Even Kinison, as amazing and talented as he was, still was no George Carlin.
So, goodnight funny man and thanks for making it possible for idiots like me to be free to write Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, to our hearts content.

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Begining of the End

"President Bush said Friday that the bill "will help our intelligence professionals learn our enemies' plans for new attacks."" - From CNN 6-20-08

"Wherever he may be, asleep or awake, working or resting, in his bath or in his bed, he can be inspected without warning and without knowing that he is being inspected." - Orwell "1984"

Here's my advice to you faithful reader, cash in all of your chips. Sell your house and car, family pets, bongs and toilet seat collection. Take everything you can carry and GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY NOW!!! Either that or run out and buy yourself an AK-47 or Benelli 12 gauge pump. The house has just approved and the senate will shortly approve a bill that the grandson of a Nazi sympathizer desperately wants to sign in to law. This law will forever change the way we Americans communicate. You were not paying attention this week and they slipped this one right past you. This FISA update bill opens the door to all kinds of new legislation concerning our rights to privacy. Secret courts will determine your freedom from government snooping. The good news is that if enough people wake up to how shitty all of this is, we can reverse it in 2012 (fat chance). Until then, watch what you say on the phone when making domestic calls and you know that bomb throwing cousin of yours in Iran? Tell him to start sending you smoke signals because your rights to privacy are now worse than his.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Y'know it's Hard Out Here For a Pimp

Have you seen this "Keeping up with the Kardashians"?? It crosses the line. Really, it's got to be about the most vile display of how low networks have sunk in an attempt to get ratings. I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination. I am all for public decapitations, porno and even allowing Ann Coulter to show her disgusting, horsey, face on FOX now and again; but this show has got to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. First off, Robert Kardashian, you might remember, was OJ's lawyer and the guy that was suspected of having stashed the evidence from Nicole's murder. He died a couple years ago and the pig you see in the photo here is his former wife. She remarried, of all fucking people, Bruce Jenner; yeah, the breakfast champion that kids like me grew up worshiping for his ability to run like the wind and bring home the gold. What a let down that guy. First he chops off his face, now this.
It turns out the mom, Kris (piggy in the photo), is handling her daughter's business affairs and taking 10%; i speculate, that it includes whatever E! is giving them for their crappy reality show. Among the fascinating tidbits i saw, in the two episodes I braved, were this woman selling copies of a calendar that her daughter gave to her boyfriend, of herself, as a personal gift (without her knowledge or a cut of the action) and watching her convince her daughter to show her tits in Playboy while trying to jack "The Heff" for the "collector's item" soap in the mansion. As if there is enough soap in the world to wash off the egg she has on her face.
Really, I'm pretty tolerant of all kinds of disturbing behavior. I especially love it when the un-religious right gets a healthy dose of their own hypocrisy. There is nothing I can't stand more than a moralist... except maybe a relativist. E! and executive producer Ryan "Stuck in the Closet" Seacrest have given the world another example of why the filthy rich should be stripped of everything they own and sterilized without anesthesia. What good is all the money in the world when this is all you can contribute to our society? Aren't parents supposed to look out for their kids not pimp them out and rip them off? This piece of shit show normalizes the type of behavior normally only seen in wild animal shows or Greek mythology.
Yeah, I know just flip the channel. i got a better idea. I will start my own show where every week I, as your host, find the most horrible and wretched people i can think of. We kidnap them, bring them into the studio and in front of a live audience make them watch those starving African kids bloat up from hunger and die. We'll force them to watch polar bears drown as the ice caps melt. We'll have police come in and beat them senseless and frame them for crimes they didn't commit. We'll force them to eat Ramen noodles and ketchup sandwiches off of a cockroach infested kitchen floor. And at the end of the show, we take them and drop them off in the middle of a third world slum without money, passport or a way to get home. In other words, we'll give them a reason to act like human, fucking, beings again. Now that, is must fucking see TV!

Sunday, June 01, 2008

2008 Douche Bag Awards

The worse thing about 20 somethings these days is not that they are the most coddled, most self-entitled, know it all (but really know nothing), most spoiled miserable bunch of alienated mother fuckers ever. Instead, it is there uncanny ability to fool themselves into believing that the media they consume is new and original. Case in point this years pathetic display of ass-kissery and retarded behavior known as the MTV Movie Awards. If there is any proof that god holds mankind in contempt for it's frivolous nature MTV is it and the Movie Awards is the smoking gun evidence that he has abandoned us because of it. Besides having some of the most unfunny dialogue between presenters EVER, it had some of the most unfunny monologues EVER! Mike Meyers was a train wreck. Speaking of train wrecks; Will Smith humbling himself before the audience for being given what he must know is a meaningless award with his kid standing next to him rolling his eyes and tapping his fingers on the podium was sad. Poor Will Smith; first Bagger Vance now he's stuck raising a rotten kid. I was hoping that when he, Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron went on stage to give Ellen page an award an orgy would break out. Unfortunately, no one at MTV has my kind of foresight and good taste. It would have been nice to see Steve Carell, The Rock and Anne Hathaway do a human Chinese finger cuff at the very least.
Seriously, how the fuck can you make Will Farrell and Steve Carell unfunny? MTV did it! They have to have hired their writers from "unfunny fucks R us". Christ, those guys suck! They should have their reproductive organs removed with "gorilla glue" and an ice cream scooper, in order to ensure that they do not pollute the world with any more humorless douchey people. Off with their hands!
Coldplay... Jesus, how uninspiring can a rock performance get? I can't believe that guy gets to bone Gwyneth.
Speaking of shitty performances, will someone please have the "Pussycat Dolls" drawn and quartered?
The saddest moment of the night was watching Adam Sandler sing a song parody of "Nobody Does it Better" about himself. The "Sandman" put me to sleep. How the mighty have fallen.
Even the Wayne's World Reunion sucked. It was not party time and it was not excellent.
It was a star studded evening even though I'm not sure who most of the stars were? Rihanna, who was that chick sitting next to Chris Brown, looked like a pain in the ass and it didn't take much to be able to read her lips. Sorry honey, but your boyfriend is no Usher. Nothing says "classy" like Paris Hilton sitting with some homeless parolee. Speaking of stars who are not really stars (at least no one can tell me what makes them stars), I'm not sure who is more disturbed looking, Verne Troyer or Rumor Willis.
The only funny moment was Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. and Ben Stiller making the viral video for the up coming "Tropic Thunder". I wasn't sure about going to see that movie, the thought of an actor performing in black face (Downey Jr.) is repulsive to me, but i genuinely feel like seeing it now based solely on that video.
Finally, big ups to the big winners of the evening:
"Step it Up 2: The Streets"
"Never Back Down"
"Zac Efron"
You are undeniable proof that the MTV Movie awards is the best place for the lowest and crappiest garbage out there to gain notoriety and tons of free advertising.
Stay Retarded you "Millenial" numb nuts.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


"Lions for Lambs" wasn't a particularly good movie. In fact, though I'm certain Redford intended it to open dialog about the war, most people ignored it like they have "Redacted", "In the Valley of Ellah" and just about any movie drawing attention to the fact that we are embroiled in one of the largest military catastrophes in history. The movie does have one scene that I found intriguing. I thought the scene where the two protagonists of the movie were giving a talk on the idea of "Engagement" was about the only time I was interested in the film. That being engagement of our problems here at home. Not just being aware, but actually tackling the largest social ills our society has. No not, gays or abortion or any of the usual red herrings. Things like global warming, poverty, a failed school system; the stuff that if solved will be better for everyone, not just the usual bullshit you here from our candidates around election time. It's the only scene in the movie i thought to have a great message and that is that we all have to sacrifice for the greater good.
I have for some time believed that we need to make citizenship more than just a game of johnny tackle; y'know break the defensive line, touch the gate and your good till someone makes you stand on the line. I am perfectly willing to open the door to all immigrants willing to serve our country. But, I think that it's time that some of these right wing douche bags for freedom put their money where their mouths are. We make service to our country a condition for citizenship. Just like "Starship Troopers". You want to vote? You want access to benefits? You want a voice?? You serve!
I believe that every American should have to, in some way or another, serve this country. Americorp, military, peace corp, local or state government; something, anything that will cause Americans to value memorial day or the idea that you should not be entitled to live in this country and act like a slob towards people from other ones just because you were born here. It would be great to see Native American honkeys like Lou Dobbs try to weasel their way out of having to walk the line. What should count more than anything is what you are going to do for this country. Fuck Ayn Rand, Kennedy was right! So, when you see some dude hanging out in front of "Home Depot" or you get into a cab or the next time you are watching CNN, take a moment and ask yourself, "wouldn't it be better if that asshole was digging a latrine somewhere??"

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Ironman, Ironman, Does Whatever an...Wait, That's Not Right

Dude, I rarely go see a movie twice on the big screen, but Iron man definitely was worth the effort and $. It's one of the best comic book movies out there and if the next one has The Avengers in it, as is indicated by about 20 seconds of what looks to be the sequel shown at the end of the the film, then I will probably set up a tent to see it. That's what Hollywood needs, big action films that are only worth seeing on the big screen. Everything else is a waste of digital film. Robert Downey Jr. was a perfect Tony Stark and did the character justice. They really got this film right, now if only they had not fucked the video game up so bad. Jesus, they really screwed the pooch over at Sega this time! But, I really think it would be great if we could develop an Iron man to kick ass throughout the world. It would be much better than actually using Blackwater or the Marines. It probably wouldn't cost more than a six pack of F-22 Raptors to develop one (o.k. it probably would). Just think, next time we pre-emptively invade a country for not attacking us after having starved their people, destroyed their infrastructure and supported their homicidal dictator for decades, we can just send in the Iron man and really kick some ass!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Can Always Do Porn

It has been a week since I made my decision and I feel little regret. Though I did have a hard time dealing with UCR last week with getting some of my shit together, I am looking ahead to my classes later this fall. I was thinking that if I had chosen to go to USC I might have ended up one of those poor saps that has to work for a living. 200K in the hole is no way to end up after finishing any art program. Of course the sure way to avoid cubicle life after film school is PORN. I may have missed out on shooting orgies, gangbangs, three ways, double penetration, scat, lesbian, bestiality and Japanese puke videos. Of course, one doesn't really need an MFA for such things but, in Hollyweird it's who you know and the connecs coming out of USC would most certainly have landed me at the very least a catering or best boy job on a future set of "Tranny Train vol . X". In any case I, in preparation for entering this writing program, will be working on a few projects that I have either abandoned or ignored due to a lack of enthusiasm. Of course, I will continue to publish this blog but, as I warned you last week, your days of free entertainment are numbered.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

I'm a Writer!

Besides the fact that film school was going to run me about 150-200k, that it was going to take up all of my time, that UC Riverside actually has offered me a fellowship that will pay for my graduate studies and a then some, besides having to spend the rest of my life working off my student loans if i chose to go to USC, ultimately I am a writer. It's what i do and if i may blow smoke up my own ass, I do it well. I will "what if" this decision for decades to come. I could have been a great director or editor or producer but, then i might have wound up like Troy Duffy and so many others that have been chewed up and spit out by the system. This was a logical choice
and one I am happy with. I'm not liking the 32 miles one way commute but, honestly the program has teeth; the classes i will be taking will be in everything from screenwriting to graphic novels. And the best part of all of this is that film school is not completely out of the picture (no pun). See, if i had committed to USC i would have most likely chewed up all financial aid and made life miserable for myself and family. This way I can nail down my MFA on the cheap from a respectable program and when done get into the USC film school's (super badass) Critical Studies Program; There is more than one way to skin a Trojan. So, wish me well and don't forget I will be a legit writer very soon and you will have to pay for the privilege of reading me call Billy Corgan a cocksucker or Ann Coulter a miserable piece of shit.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Samurai Slack

Alright, you can all stop bitching now. I have posted my film on Google films, Youtube and here on my blog. CalArts saw this film and decided I was a good enough film maker to be put on their "short wait" list. So, before you write me to tell me that this film sucked, keep in mind that, this is the same school that Gendy Tartakovsky attended, which means that these people now a thing or two about cool Samurai. while i may value your opinion as a friend, the experts have spoken and they say it is good. Share it with your friends, enemies and family. I prefer you watch it on YouTube. My goal in life is to bump that "chocolate rain" guy off the most watched list or at least put the crying Brittany guy out of circulation.
Update: I'm sorry. This site blows for uploading videos. I tried 3X and failed. So, it's Youtube city babys. Hit the link to access the best samurai movie made since Toshiro Mifune swung a katana.

Three Denials, Two Offers, One Destiny.

I've got a huge burden on me now. I have before me denials from 3 programs that I applied to. Four, actually if you want to count the wait list i was put on. Both Literature programs that i applied to have shot me down. I guess I'm not literate enough. I'm bummed that U.C. Riverside's Lit. program didn't want me. They have the largest collection of Sci-Fi material in the country and I had some great ideas for teaching there. U.C. Irvine is clearly as pretentious a school as I imagined it to be. Someone told me not to waste my time because they only want people who have been published in their grad program. Flawless logic. Teach people who have already attained success in publishing, how to attain success in publishing?!?!!? Well, what the fuck do you call blogging?? Right?? Right?? Self-publishing! Anyway, CalArts, the most prestigious of the schools i applied to (any school that produced the creator of Samurai Jack, has to be top flight), actually put me on the short wait list. Some people might be bummed by this, but considering i don't know anyone, have no previous film making experience and the crotch i was yanked from was not lined in platinum, i was flattered. CalArts has impressed me as a cool (but ridiculously expensive) place to go to film school and clearly a great choice for the true artist. However, WAIT LIST MY NUTSACK!! I'm 37. Waiting is not an option. So, This brings us to the upshot. I have an offer from U.C. Riverside's Creative Writing program and get this, they actually offered me a fellowship that is going to pay for my schooling and give me a little extra something so i can hone my craft and not starve to death doing it. You might think this solves all my problems. However, I also had an interview with the world famous and ultra-prestigious USC School of Cinematic Arts. This is the same school where George Lucas, Ron Howard and John Carpenter learned to make films. It is a dream school and I would be nuts to pass it up. The problem is that it is way expensive and too many of the people that start their careers there, end up washing out their first year. So, i must make my decision soon and until i do it will be sleepless nights and internal fights. stay tuned.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Back to That Same Ol' Place Sweet Home...

It's 2am. I sit in a trendy, Irish bar in Forest Park. Trendy and Irish are two words rarely found in the same sentence. I try to write, on a cocktail napkin, the next great American novel or script or even an award winning poem. Nothing comes. The drunk parolee', a few stools down, and his chola girlfriend have commandeered the juke box and now all it plays are U2 songs. All fucking night I have been listening to that filthy, cunt whine about what a bunch of bastards the English are. Jesus, I hate U2. I'm blocked because of it. I guess the homegirl must still have some sense of taste in music to compensate for her bad taste in men, because suddenly an old RHCP song comes on. There it is. Both of the worlds, past and present, old V and new V break away from each other as easily as the noise box changes the tune. I like the new V better. The blood pressure is lower, the anger subsides quicker and the words come easier. I chose the new V or better yet he chose me. But, now i face a great new dilemma. I am at the crossroads once again and the devil has not come to greet me. I must choose alone. No deals this time. It's for keeps and my decision will make or break me. Stay tuned.

Monday, March 31, 2008

CNN: A Broken Record Should be Smashed to Bits

For Christ's sake, man! CNN has been relentless with the goddamn black, racist, preacher story for going on 3 weeks now. Even those shitty local networks have moved on to how Hillary is scraping by and can't even pay the health care insurance of her staffers. It's a non story. Let me say it again, IT'S A NON STORY! This is a prime example of how the media distorts information in an attempt to railroad someone. This is what they did to Howard Dean when he yelped on stage a few years back and it's what they did when a bunch of lowlifes tried to discredit Kerry's honorable service to this country. Except this time if blew up in their faces and no one cares. In fact, BO gave what is one of the best and most intelligent speeches on race relations in this country in years. I got sick of all the racist commentary being portrayed as intelligent discussion and wrote that bloated asshole and legendary wetback hunter, Lou Dobbs this note:

"Would you please move on! We get it, Lou. You and the rest of white America are terrified of having an angry black man running the country. I'm from Illinois and I assure you, Barack Obama is not going to send you back to Europe. Now why don't you and the rest of the paranoid Anglos on your network focus on something with substance. Hey, I know... we've just spent five years fighting one of the most unpopular wars in American history. Maybe that's newsworthy???"

The fact is, that the fifth anniversary of our illegal invasion of Iraq came and went and the media totally ignored it. The 4000th death in Iraq happened and the media ignored it! Instead, they showed a fearsome black man in Kente robes pounding a podium and damning this country to hell for it's negligence of duty and fear of the unexplainable. Do you want to know why black people are still angry at white America? I'm not going to tell you. Instead, you can just draw the same tired ass conclusions that Dobbs and the rest of those morons have come to. But, those of you who want to understand should read books like, "Buried in the Bitter Waters" or "Strength for the Fight". These books illustrate the hurdles put in place against blacks by a white majority, apartheid, government who condoned the systematic oppression of people of color for over a hundred years after the end of slavery (longer if you count the fiasco that was the aftermath of hurricane Katrina). The injustices didn't end with the emancipation proclamation so you'll have to excuse young and old black folk alike, if they don't feel like shuffling around, singing, "Don't Worry, Be Happy." The picture above illustrates the world that Jeremiah Wright was welcomed into. And Dobbs sits there rubbing his brow asking how can someone in that man's position be so angry??? Well, don't worry you dumb cracker, cuz when the meek inherit the earth, this November, we'll make sure to make it clear to you. You'll get to keep your precious gated communities and i promise you won't miss out on a single golf outing, but just don't expect forty acres and a mule.

Will Write for Food:

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