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Monday, March 24, 2008

Why Haven't They Written?


Fucking Christ! It's like waiting to find out if my cock is going to fall off. I sent nine applications out and have only had one response in three months (fuck you too, Irvine. I heard you ain't shit, anyway). What are they fucking doing? They must be monitoring me to see at what point I will go completely insane. They are going to wait until I am apprehended by the fuzz for running naked through the park to tell me that I'm not accepted. Is this a good thing? It can't be bad, right? Maybe there are a room full of these professors sitting around around looking at my application and all the shit i had to send in and they are like, "Well, i think this deserves the best invitation to join our program ever! Send him an offer for a full scholarship including a weekly Thai massage and a pair of Gillian Anderson's pantys as a bonus." They won't take calls! They have pre-recorded messages saying I can go fuck myself if i think calling them is going to speed things up. Now I know how all those Mexican girls i dated felt (I'm sorry, Pepita). Goddamn it, man this is killing me. I have had to go and apply at Loyola because of this waiting bullshit. Loyola for fuck sake! They don't have much tolerance for atheist, secular, humanists at Catholic Universities. I swear if they make me take any religion classes I'm going to go postal. The good news is that the pope is so hard up to pay his lawyers and his victims, that he'll take just about anybody with a pen and a pulse. Fuck it. It's better than having to work. Besides, i can file my teeth for a couple of years and then try to apply to a PhD program with some juice.

Will Write for Food:

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