Welcome to V. Lazaro Zamora's Blog

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Good Ol' Daze

Nostalgia: A yearning for the past, often in idealized form.
It's hard to deny that in choosing to be a republican, one is also choosing be aligned with anti-intellectuals. religious, homo-phobic, anti-woman, perverts and angry, gun-toting, sociopaths hell bent on destroying even the most basic functions that make our society function.  Add to this the cult of death status that the Tea-jadists earned in the last two debates and you've got an incredibly frightening minority of rich, white, religious zealots who, through their blind, political loyalty are well positioned to send Barack packing in a little over a year.  It's frightening to think of President Perry, but BO and the Dems have asked for it by betraying the progressives in the party.  BO, to anyone who was paying attention had never really declared himself to be a liberal or progressive.  What he offered was an alternative to the typical rich, white dude in the 10K suit by being the rich, black dude in the 10K suit; that and he symbolized progress, even though he wasn't (and clearly still isn't) for it.  Don't take my word for it; BO dug his own grave with progressives long ago with his Pontious Pilate routine concerning gay marriage, not to mention a few dozen other issues and one look at the people he was putting in charge of this nation's financial oversight apparatus', just after the election, was a dead give away that we were in for more of the same "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality of the last 30 years.  

But, BO isn't the problem here, nor necessarily are the republicans the rock in our shoes.  What we, American's with fully developed frontal lobes, keep encountering in our struggle to move forward with civilization is a small, but well organized, minority of brutes in the electorate that have hunkered down and are waiting for either Jesus to show up again or for "Leave it to Beaver" to be on Prime-time TV.  Most of them are my age, if not just a bit older; which means they are not old enough to truly remember the good old days that they are constantly pining for.  These troglodytes are sticking to the notion that America was once a great nation, that did no wrong and everyone was always happy.  They want to come home to the Eisenhower era ranch house after a long day at the Reagan era office.  Well, the truth is that that America never existed; at least not for people of color, the poor, women, children or even dogs.  That America was sponsoring oppressive tyrants all over the world, operating an apartheid system within its own borders and learning to consume this worlds resources at an exponential rate.  At least this is America as the "enlightened" angry liberal side presents it in attacking the right.  I think both sides are right and simultaneously dead wrong.  

There is a third America that existed; the America that I remember reading about and am still inspired by; it is the America that I am pining for.  The America that was coming to grips with it's oppression of people of color and began a long and often bloody struggle to get us on the path towards equality.  It is the America that looked to the great strides that European nations had made in re-building their infrastructure after WWII and decided to build great roads and bridges that brought us closer as a nation and put people to work.  It is the America that looked to the sky at night and wondered in awe at what the view might be like looking from the other direction.  It is the America that decided that working men and woman deserved a living wage and that all children should have an opportunity for the best education in the world.   It is the America of dreams and hope, not fear and distrust.  It is not the America of cynicism or myth.  It is not the America that belongs only to the powerful and rich.  It is not the America of angry zealots or no-nothing nihilists.  It is the pragmatic America that Jefferson imagined should run like a "great machine".  As long as we have leaders that stand up only for powerful interests, economic alchemy and a tiny minority of nostalgic buffoons, that machine will never be great again.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

The Rat Fuck Manifesto

The Rat Fuck Manifesto  (Click for link to LIVE performance)

From this point all bets are off:  These are the terms of our unconditional surrender!

Mandatory medical marijuana to be delivered by buttoned-down assholes in Armani suits in 30 minutes or less.
Universal pizza coverage, but not from Dominos or Pizza Hut or Papa John’s; Chicago style, you know, the good stuff.
Rivers of beer that flow like wine from valleys of rum
Trees that grow Cheetos and Doritos and Tostitos and Banditos, Fritos and Chispitos.

Free slurpees for everyone!

From now on awkward, weird and smelly is the new tall, dark and handsome.
No mall will have less than 4 Gamestops, 3 comic book stores, 2 Chik-Fil-As and at least one dispensary.
No more health food stores, gyms, vitamin shoppes or healing centers; they’re for wimps anyways.


SUV drivers must wear shirts that read, “Yes, I have a small dick.”
Che Guevarra shirts can only be worn by those who can demonstrate an understanding of the difference between branding and populism.
Men can only wear sandals on the beach!  Without jeans!  and for fuck-sake take off that Ed Hardy shirt you look like a rainbow with a hangover puked all over you!
Women may wear sandals wherever they like, provided they have pedicures (sorry ladies, the foot-fetish committee demands we put this one in).


Reality TV is hereby abolished and replaced with reality!
Social networking is to be replaced with networking socially.
Justin Beiber, Sarah Palin, Tom Cruise, Martha Stewart, Donald Trump YOU are all hereby banished and take Snookie, whoever the fuck that is, with you!
All butch-like, brutish sports are hereby abolished.
Halo will be our nation’s new past-time.
Goodbye 24 hour news cycle
Hello 24 hour porn cycle.
Money used for wars now goes towards opening the first Krispy Kreme on the moon.
No more end of the world prophecies, from now on we stick to our regularly scheduled Mayan apocalypse.


The immediate creation of a national “The Shoe is on the Other Foot Program”
Whoever wants to get married can, except for fundamentalist Christians
Supporting Our Troops will take a back seat to Sustaining Our Scholars.
Tree-hugging, long haired, vegan, hippie, peaceniks are required to “Cowboy UP!”
Deep frying, backwoods, NASCAR and backyard barbeque, mouth breathers are required “mellow out man.”
Minutemen are to be deported immediately
Global warming deniers are to be relocated to the nearest igloo.
Misogynists – you’re going to have to share your true feelings with us.
Feminists – Oh my God!  We’re going shopping!

Communists made to consume
Corporatists made to commune
Creationists made to Evolve
Evolutionists made to create
Protestors will police policemen
Policemen will protest protestors
The dog will live with the cat
The cat with the canary
The canary with the worm!


The national bird is now a ghetto pigeon.
The purple mountains majesty is now a dark uninviting alley.
The rocket’s red glare will be replaced by the reflective glow of black light from a bong.
Yes, our flag will still be there, but it will have orange stars, pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds and rainbow stripes.
Apple pie will only be as American as Arroz con Pollo.
And they can have their Plymouth Rock, we got Aztlan, ese!


Down with corporate America; except for CostCo (It’s cheaper to buy in bulk).
Up with Democracy; except for voting (most people just aren’t well informed)
Long live the worker; except for those fuckers at the DMV (Just drawing a paycheck aren’t ya?)
All Power to the People; except the ones that disagree with us (by the way, please see a representative about your membership dues, immediately).
Down with tyranny and oppression; except when there’s something in it for us (especially when we can get away with it)
Love thy neighbor; except that asshole down the street who won’t clean his front yard (his wife’s kinda’ hot though)


Here we stand!
Fists in the air!
Fire in our bellies!
Blood in our eyes!
So say we all:


 The United (mostly) Rat Fucks of the World!

Scroll to bottom of page to see TRFM performed live at The LAst Bookstore!

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Like Sunshine and Rain


Let me get this out in the open first: I did not know that bin laden was fish food until the day after it happened.  Pardon my ignorance, but the regularly schedule program was boring and I desperately needed to catch up on Californication.  The following morning I saw the headline in the hands of a fella who was waiting for his five dollar foot long and YES I gave him a high five.  This was a visceral reaction to an event that was important for me to put closure to, because I, like the rest of the country and most of the world had been traumatized over a decade ago and been unable to process it to it's conclusion.  In other words, YES, I was happy the fucker was finally dead.  In retrospect, not my finest moment.  I should have reflected upon his death and unlike that dickhead, the Dalai Lama, forgiven and forgotten.  Fear not, dear reader, unlike his holiness, I have not gone reactionary or lost my fucking mind like those assholes at Faux Gnewz (welcome to Bizarro World).

Speaking of bad decisions, we should never have designated this operation codename: "Geronimo."  Yes, that was totally insensitive, not to mention ignorant of historical facts and Yes totally racist.  Geronimo was the name of a brave Apache warrior who fought against U.S and Mexican expansion, was betrayed by those who captured him, as well as, a handful of his own troops and ultimately denounced his decision to surrender to the duplicitous white devil.  OBL was a spoiled, rich, dickhead. who brainwashed his followers into committing mass murder, told them to live in caves while he lived it up in a million dollar mansion until he was killed and (allegedly: see my post) spent his last moments, hiding behind his old lady.  They had nothing in common except that both of them pissed off whitey to the point that thousands of people died in the process of their pursuit.  The next time we go after the world's most notorious terrorist (anyone who lived through Abu-Nidal knows there will be) we'll call it operation "Crush the Cracker" and then we'll be square.

OBL was a bad dude; no doubt.  He went ape shit, because of his devotion to a backwards-assed religion (as they all are, in my humble opinion).  He decided that human beings suck so bad, that 3 thousand of them should die in a single blow.  But, let's also remember that Saddam was far worse.  He killed hundreds of thousands over decades and that doesn't include the torture or the war vs Iran that he started (reportedly).  I don't recall anyone outside of Iraq dancing in the street to his death.  Over 300K died on the command of Harry Truman and people didn't take to the streets in ticker tape parades to celebrate those deaths (they celebrated the end of a horrible war).  So, why would Americans, who so vehemently decried the celebration, in parts of the Middle East, of the fall of the twin towers in 01', take to the streets (and the net) to espouse their love for the grim reaper's work?  I believe that the celebrations we saw post OBL were nothing more than a brief sigh of relief.  That's it!

Just as my first reaction was to high five a stranger a couple days ago, so was my reaction to stare into a stranger's eyes, longing for consolation the morning of September 11th.  Many of us felt that we were connected to an event that made us feel hopeless, unable to control our own destiny and terrified of what was around every corner on that day and our confusion led us to a place where we did some weird shit.  That's it.  That's all there is to it.  We aren't evil.  We don't love death.  We aren't being racist or depraved, homicidal, predators.  We are a people who were pushed under for a long time and now we have come up for air.

We've spent ten years walking this earth like heavily-armed, zombies; unsure of who the enemy really is and only knowing that hunger burns in our bellies.  A hunger that has driven us to turn on each other when the brains have holed up in a shopping mall.  Now, all of a sudden, things are different.  We're baaaaack!  This is a good thing and quite frankly if it means dopey college kids do the running man at Ground Zero, I can't blame them.  They're doing what dopey college kids do; look for excuses to party and avoid using the left sides of their brains.  As for myself, I'd like to say that I was enlightened enough to have suppressed the urge to chant USA! USA! USA!  But, the truth is, I haven't felt like chanting that since we elected our first black president and I can't think of when the last time before that was; maybe around the same time I was young and dumb enough to not understand the difference between joy and pain.

I duhman Pikchurs/ DENIED!


Osama bin dead for about three days now and without hesitation the conspiracy theories and rumors about how, if and when he "really" died, hit the web.  After the celebrating (see my second OBL post), the web was aflutter with wild speculation about how the mission had to be a lie; merely an attempt by the government to fool us all into believing that the world's most wanted terrorist had finally met his demise.  No one can explain why the government would go through the trouble of doing this, of course, just like they can't explain why there would be a second gunman on the grassy knoll or how the thousands of NASA workers involved in the moon landing could keep a secret for so long, but then conspiracy buffs don't need reason.  All that one needs to believe a conspiracy is a belief that a conspiracy exists; no evidence of Obama's birth place will ever satiate the desire of birthers, just as no pictures of Osama's corpse will ever convince these kooks that the boogeyman is now fish food.

A few months ago I posted a blog about the Wikileaks matter and I think I made a reasonable defense of Jullian Assange and why I thought what he and Bradley Manning did was good for Democracy.  What I got was an unexpected reaction by people who thought that Wikileaks was just another campaign by the government to dis-inform the American public.  I can't tell you how livid this made me!  The idea that a private citizen can freely go on a website and look at hundreds of thousands of previously undisclosed government documents is unprecedented in American history and still there were people out there that without reason, logic or study dismissed, in the blink of an eye, this treasure trove of insight into how the government works, as bunch of malarkey.  LIVID!

And now we have people dismissing the reported death of Bin Laden, because they can't see videos of the mission as it takes place, or pictures of the corpse or whatever it is that will personally appease their cynicism.  Now that the administration has decided not to show the pictures of the century, I suppose the conspiracy theorists will stop taking their meds and, just to see how far their babble will take them before they end up rocking in a puddle of their own piss, inside a padded cell, take to conjuring up stories of imaginary "photoshoped" pictures and evil cabals within the NSA that trace their origins back to Skull and Bones.  Take note, those of you who want to propagate incendiary lies based on conjecture and a lack of information, as of recently, all that conspiracy BS hasn't gone very well for certain people.  Not to cast stones, but it's a bad time to have a name that rhymes with chump.

To those kooks, I say: don't bemoan the lack of closure you feel; the rest of us are satisfied.  Don't complain that you don't have enough evidence to satisfy your curiosity; the fucker is dead, that's good enough for everyone else.  Don't try to lend your crazy theories any credibility by arguing that your sources are solid, fascinating and well documented on the internet; so is German schizer porn.  Don't try to convince us that all you need is a video of the assault team in action; an MP3 of OBL's death rattle, a picture of the SEAL team standing naked over the corpse with a half dozen dwarfs in Elmo suits on unicycles, playing banjos as the Blue Angels do a fly-by; we all know there isn't a damn shred of evidence that will make you drop your agenda.

To our government apparatchiks I say, simply, Julian Assange, True Majority, Amnesty International et. al. will not rest until the shit, that has hit the fan, has been swept off the parade ground.

As for me, I have only have 3 reasonable questions:
1:  How is that OBL hung out, eating hummus, listening to Bob Seger albums for 30 minutes as a firefight raged in his living room; then the minute a half dozen heavily armed, bad-asses stormed into his bedroom, that was the moment he decided to reach for a piece?
2.  Dude, had a million dollar compound and he didn't have a "safe" room "where the magic happens"?  Even those fools on Cribs got that shit.  Even Saddam had a spider hole.  Jesus, he's an infamous terrorist, that evaded the 10th Mountain Division in Tora Bora for over a year and he didn't have enough sense to build an escape tunnel?  What?  They don't have Hogan's Heroes or Jodi Foster films in Pakistan?
3.  If the president and his cabinet et. al. had access to a direct video feed of the operation, including second by second accounts into every turn of action (I can only imagine that what they were seeing looked like an Xbox game), how is it that the first accounts of what happened to OBL were completely dismissed the very next day as incorrect?  He initially was reported to have gone down in a blaze of glory like he was a villain in a Chuck Norris flick; complete with a mansion full of bodyguards, a female human shield, firing off rounds until the bitter end.  The very next day, we were informed that, that was all bullshit and dude was unarmed when he got capped and the woman with him was actually trying to protect him and got shot in the leg for her troubles.

In any case, I'm willing to forget these silly questions, now that we finally have a president that keeps his campaign promises concerning the war on terror (or any campaign promises for that matter) .  If only we can get him to keep his promise to make our government more transparent, maybe bin laden conspiracy theorists will be relegated to that place where Larouchies, birthers and people who believe the moon is made of cheese end up; irrelevant and denied anything but a footnote in history.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Rich Will Taste Delicious

I watched this show called "Undercover Boss" and for those who haven't seen it, it's a reality show where they take some rich fuck that runs a company and ignores his employees then they disguise him and plop him down on the shop floor with the great unwashed morlocks that sweat so that he can take month long vacations in Fiji twice a year.  Apparently, this recycled Daddy Warbucks rich, middle-aged, white dude with a golden heart narrative is all the rage these days.  Whereas, we used to be invited into the world of the "rich-as-extravagant" (IE. "Cribs") or the "rich-as-spoiled-giggling-twats" (IE. Paris Hilton), the Hollywood junk pushers are trying to convince us that rich folk are warm hearted, generous to a fault, easy to relate to and just like anyone else.  Personally, I liked it better when they lived in gated communities and drove around in cars with smoked windows.  The final straw for me is a remake of Arthur staring Russell Brand.  The last thing I want is a remake of one of my favorite movies where Arthur goes from being a guy who doesn't care about money to being a guy who is desperate to keep his wealth.  It's just to close to the truth, except of course in real life rich, greedy bastards will throw you and your newborn out of your home and let your ailing 80 year old mother starve to death before going without.  Brand's Arthur is, according to the synopsis I read, hard up to hang on to his wealth and ends up doing all kinds of wacky things to do it.  *UGH*
There is an incredible amount of talk about class warfare these days.  Of course, it is only worthy to comment on it when it's a poor person, a union worker or an average schmuck complaining about how one-sided the distribution of wealth has become in this country.  It is now known that only 400 families in this country own as much wealth as the lowest 155 million of us.  If you ask me this country has been in a state of perpetual class warfare and the great herd have been under siege since well before Annie was living the hard knock life.  This inability to see ourselves as victims or targets may be a social phenomenon, but I believe that it is the effective use of propaganda used by those in power since the time of the great labor struggles in this country, that is responsible for how blind we are to the simplest and most basic need of most species in the animal kingdom; Self-fucking-preservation.  Look back to the 20s and 30s and you will see how these class struggles played out the same way they do now and it's no coincidence that those struggles coincide with the birth of the PR industry (Don't take my word for it; look up Edward Bernays or what Chomsky referred to as, "The Mohawk Valley Formula").  Americans are convinced that we, who are not filthy rich at the moment, have a pretty good shot at it and that it is only a matter of time before we hit the lottery, inherit an estate or find a leprechauns pot-o-gold at the end of a rainbow.  If there is one message the middle class in this country should be bombarded with daily it is that, we have absolutely nothing in common with Trump, Gates, Buffet, the Kochs (evil fucking bastards if ever there were any; Bond villain evil)or Hilton and as such,we need to start looking out for our own interests.  This is, of course, not likely as long as we are drawn to shows about hicks getting rich off of digging for gold in Alaska or buying storage units that were abandoned by people who couldn't afford them any longer.  GET A CLUE!  You have a better chance of getting hit on the head by a meteor than becoming a millionaire, billionaire or even a hundred-thousandaire for that matter.  The people who control wealth in this country know it and have used your delusion against you for decades! Now if only there were some way to get this message across to people; a vehicle by which to inspire thoughtful democratic dialogue, promote a genuine sense of social responsibility and awareness of good old fashioned American egalitarian values.  Hmmm, I wonder?  How'd they do it Tunisia and Egypt?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

These are the Terms of Your Unconditional Surrender

I know this is not the best time to say this, but you reap what you sow.  There's a nine year old and a federal judge dead (among others) nearly a dozen wounded and a congresswoman whose life is forever changed by the violence that the right wing in this country has been cheerleading for since well before GW was tooting cocaine off a stripper's ass in Texas.  There has been so much talk about "who is to blame", "rhetoric", etc.  I know that when Gabrielle Giffords recovers,(I have faith in medical science that she will) she will, no doubt, say that neither Republicans or their wacko cheerleading squad had anything to do with it; that this tragedy happened because of a lone, deranged individual.  She is, after all, a politician and one from Arizona where you have to be pro-gun regardless of political affiliation or personal belief, if you want to be elected.
Personally, I think the blame for this is at the feet of US ALL.  Whether you believe that Milton Friedman's face belongs on Mt. Rushmore or that we should all be riding bicycles to work, makes no difference.  It is US who created, allowed or otherwise turned a blind eye to the Culture of Fear* that is prevalent in our society.  We The People have stuck it in and broken it off in ourselves; gruesome I know, but let's stop with the denial.
We refused to sit down like normal adults and discuss the repercussions of letting "The Gipper" decide to empty out the mental institutions long ago.  We argue the constitution instead of reason, safety and the building of a better society when we talk about gun control.  We allow politicians to rant about the evils of government, while ignoring that most of those fuckers make an assload of money as public servants.  We point our fingers at each other, instead of giving the finger to the individuals who try to convince us that safety and security is a question of what numbers you punch on a ballot.
There is no logic in continuing the debate of Left V. Right.  I see nothing but more of the same in our future.  Here is my only solution and it is not open to negotiation, addendum or revision:
From now on, instead of political identities, we split up into groups of those who want to evolve and those who want to stay stupid.  That simple.
Forget the constitution, ignore the rule of law, throw out the instruction manual:
Those who want to live in peace, progress and unfettered liberty; those who are truly tolerant of gays, women, minorities, the poor; who believe in logic, reason, science, art, intellectualism; who think people are good, reasonable, empathic, sane; those who don't want myths, half truths and fear to determine how our society will face challenges; those who want clean air, water and land; who want well funded educational, societal welfare, medical, public safety, art and literacy programs; those who don't believe that it is the end of the world, but even if it was we aren't going down without a fight; those of you who believe that violence and the language of violence only leads to more violence; those of you who believe these things, please stay calm, don't panic and please stay exactly where you are.  The rest of you motherfuckers, GRAB YOUR SHIT AND GET THE FUCK OUT!
We're going to treat this country like a shitty marriage from now on:  You don't want to be here?  Get the fuck out!  You think somebody is going to hurt you?  Get the fuck out!  You think you're being lied to?  Get the fuck out!  You believe that you're being sold out?  Get the fuck out!  You think the Chinese girl down the street is hotter than you and you're going to whine about being replaced instead of going to the mall, getting your hair done and picking up a sexy nightie at Vicki Secrets?  Get the fuck out!
Grab your AR-15, your Hummer, your home schooled little freaks, deep fryer, bible, power boat, 4-wheeler, Harley Davidson and whatever else you think someone is going to come along and pry from your cold dead hands and Please ... Get The Fuck OUT!


*Read Barry Glassner book of the same title for added thrills.

Will Write for Food:

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